18 dating 33

So basically I’m 18 and I’m dating a 33 year old who has 5 kids.

When we first met which was a month or two ago (I was still 18) we hit it off instantly and started seeing each other however I have said I don’t want to put a label in things

I don’t feel like i love him yet but I can see me and him being a long tome thing, possibly marriage but the problem for me is that I don’t want to be 25 dating a 40 year old man. What do I do?

Should I even be bothered about that?

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Reply 1

Anonymous #2

At 18 I think you should be focusing on setting yourself up independently to some extent as you have a lot to focus on in your future and you don’t want your main priority to be an older man with kids already, I’m also concerned that he is willing to be in a relationship with someone so young, I’m trying to not come across judgemental as age is just a number but if you’re unsure then I’d take a step back to really consider what you’re getting into

Reply 2

claireestelle

Original post by Anonymous

can you ever see yourself wanting children? it's possible that he might not want them as he has 5 kids already and what are your feelings about being a step mum?

Reply 3

Sataris

Have you had much prior dating experience?

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

a few questions:
Is he married?
Is he your ‘soulmate’ ? What i mean by this is, is he a once in a life time person and do you see this relationship as once in a lifetime?
Realistically do you think that it would work out long term?

Love has no age and i guess it’s fine because you are 18. However you have to consider many different factors and its better to end it now (if you decide to) rather than later

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

I’m very independent and he knows that my education comes before our relationship. In fact he’s really helped with me knowing more about mortgages, buying a first car, a credit score and all that stuff. We meant on a dating site so I’m guessing he hadn’t filtered his search properly but the fact that I’m really mature and that we get on really well is probably why he’s looked past my age.

Don’t worry I don’t see you as judgmental at all

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by claireestelle

can you ever see yourself wanting children? it's possible that he might not want them as he has 5 kids already and what are your feelings about being a step mum?

I would love to have children in the future and I’ve made him aware that even though he already has 5 kids I still want to have some with him if we ever get married and he’s happy to do so even though he originally only wanted to ever have 2 kids.

Being a step mum doesn’t bother me really. But form what he’s said about his ex girlfriend, she wouldn’t allow her kids to even get along with me

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by Sataris

Have you had much prior dating experience?

I’ve dated in the past but my longest relationship was 9 months. I’m very mature so I’d like to think I go for men for the right reasons if that makes sense

Reply 8

muramatilda

Don't ask the internet, ask yourself and the people whose opinions you care about. I've seen similar situations go horribly wrong and others go absolutely fine with no problems whatsoever. I can't make these decisions for you! But 5 kids is a massive responsibility... Is that what you want? And you might end up as a 25 year old dating a 40 year old, so if that's not what you want, then forget about him. At 25 you'll probably be surrounded by a lot more adults of all different ages though, so you might see things differently.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 9

Em.-.

Definitely think about the 5 kids. If you stay with him you will be their stepmom.
You’re only 18 so please don’t rush into anything, 15 years is quite a big gap and you are young. If you were 30 and he was 45 it wouldn’t be as big a deal, but you’re barely an adult so I recommend you hold back for a bit and don’t commit to anything serious.

If you are both happy do what you want, but don’t rush things.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

he’s not married and has never been married

I wouldn’t say he’s my soul mate, tbh I don’t even know if he will ever be O_o but maybe as the relationship progresses he might be

I do think it would work out long term and even though looks don’t matter I feel like I would lose my sexual attraction to him which bothers me slightly

I don’t want to sound rude but I don’t want to be having sloppy kisses 😭😭and I know that’s a small factor but I’m a bit of a germaphobe and even now he gives me sloppy kisses sometimes

Reply 11

londonmyst

Your personalities and how you feel about each other are what really matters.
Listen to your gut instinct and go with it.

The age gap doesn't count for much, I dated a guy in his 50s when I was 16.
But I don't date guys with children or divorced guys.
Way too much drama and emotional baggage.
Don't need the hassle.

Reply 12

username5027880

In my view there is to big an age gap.
I guess if you love him good luck, but taking on the roll of stepmum at 18, is one hell of a challenge and one I hope you are prepared for.

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by muramatilda

My friends and family don’t know which is why as I decided to turn to the internet as I can get different viewpoints. The fact that he has 5 kids honestly doesn’t bother me, they would never live with us anyway as the mother of his kids would never even allow it to happen. however is oldest son is only 7 years younger than me which i find quite funny.

I think I’m just gonna go with the flow and see how it works out

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Em.-.

The 5 kids and potential being a step mum really don’t bother me at all. I’ve told him that I do want to take it slow but he’s already booking us a trip to turkey in the summer.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by londonmyst

If you don’t mind me asking, how did that work out? Obviously you were young but did it last a while or was it like a short tome thing?

We honestly get on really well, even though I don’t love him I always use my free time to see him which I definitely wouldn’t do if I didn’t like him. So that’s why I confused to whether I want to be with him or not really

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by Karisa96

In my view there is to big an age gap.
I guess if you love him good luck, but taking on the roll of stepmum at 18, is one hell of a challenge and one I hope you are prepared for.

That’s true but I don’t plan on meeting his kids yet until I’ve at least finished uni. So maybe meeting them when I’m like 23 ish would be better.

Age gaps don’t bother me but the fact I’m only 18 does make it seem very big

Reply 17

karelina

Original post by Anonymous

I don’t want to sound rude but I don’t want to be having sloppy kisses 😭😭and I know that’s a small factor but I’m a bit of a germaphobe and even now he gives me sloppy kisses sometimes

LOL, you mean he kisses like an old man??

Reply 18

londonmyst

Original post by Anonymous

I dumped him.
His revolutionary politics and racist jew hate were terrible.
He wanted to have a family & get married, two years later he married my friend when she was 19.
They are still married and have a four year old daughter.