MathsMania
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Hi, I wrote a model paragraph and I was wondering if anyone out there could give me feedback based on this paragraph.


Here is the question:
How does Shakespeare present the character Macbeth?
The extract given: (Act 5:3)
I have decided to write my paragraph elsewhere in the tragedy.
Here are my (brief) arguments:
Extract: Shakespeare presents Macbeth as increasingly dissatisfied with life as he realises he has destroyed his opportunities for worldly peace and instead will receive eternal damnation for committing regicide. (context: Dr Faustus)
Falling Action: Shakespeare presents M. as clearly paranoid as he contemplates the potential threats to his throne. ( context:1603 succession crisis)
Exposition: M. is presented as a brave soldier, defending his king and country and loved by all.


Shakespeare, in the aftermath of the regicide presents Macbeth as increasingly paranoid because after his coronation, Macbeth is shown to be contemplating threats to his kingship. Macbeth claims ‘we have scorched the snake, not killed it’ when planning the murder of Banquo. The metaphor suggests Macbeth feels threatened because the verb ‘scorched’ means to burn or char. Shakespeare may have used the metaphor of the ‘snake’ to symbolise anything that can threaten Macbeth’s kingship as the noun ‘snake’ is a venomous reptile whose bite is harmful or even fatal. This suggests that Macbeth is paranoid because the ‘snake’ can recover from the burn and will be looking to seek revenge; Macbeth, in other words, hasn’t completely eradicated the threats to his kingship, leaving him paranoid. In addition, Macbeth also describes himself as having a ‘barren sceptre in his gripe’. The adjective ‘barren’ is used to describe something lifeless, or cannot reproduce. This suggests that Macbeth feels threatened as he has no children to succeed his kingship, whereas according to the Witches’ Prophecy, Banquo would be ‘greater’ as his descendants would inherit the monarchy. Shakespeare, may also be alluding to the succession crisis in 1603, as the current ruler,
Queen Elizabeth I was childless and did not name her successor until she was on her deathbed. The succession crisis was a concern, because it could have led to a potential outbreak of civil war if there was an inability to declare a successor. Shakespeare therefore in the falling action presents Macbeth as feeling threatened due to having a ‘fruitless crown’, which means his kingship is threatened due to having no heirs.

I know this is quite long but thank you!
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MathsMania
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Isabelpayne200 maybe this could help you to revise?
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Quick-use
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Quick-use

Tagging myself. Will give feedback momentarily.
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Isabelpayne200
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Make sure to add a hypothesis! An idea as to why Shakespeare write macbeth the way he did. Perhaps it could be:
Shakespeare possibly utilises the character of macbeth by the motif of blood, symbolising his guilt, in order to reflect how man’s harmartia is in fact our hubris, and society should be warned of this. Yet (higher level), it could be to reflect... (whatever you may think it is)
(Just an example)
And then carry on with this idea through out (obvs add an alternative)
Last edited by Isabelpayne200; 1 week ago
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(Original post by MathsMania)
Shakespeare, in the aftermath of the regicide presents Macbeth as increasingly paranoid because after his coronation, Macbeth is shown to be contemplating threats to his kingship.
<-- Misuse of commas.

Macbeth claims ‘we have scorched the snake, not killed it’ when planning the murder of Banquo. The metaphor suggests Macbeth feels threatened because the verb ‘scorched’ means to burn or char.
<-- Clunky sentence structure. Try to weave 'suggests' etc into the same sentence.

Shakespeare may have used the metaphor of the ‘snake’ to symbolise anything that can threaten Macbeth’s kingship as the noun ‘snake’ is a venomous reptile whose bite is harmful or even fatal. This suggests that Macbeth is paranoid because the ‘snake’ can recover from the burn and will be looking to seek revenge; Macbeth, in other words, hasn’t completely eradicated the threats to his kingship, leaving him paranoid.
<-- Clunky sentence structure, repetition and incorrect usage of semi-colon.


In addition, Macbeth also describes himself as having a ‘barren sceptre in his gripe’. The adjective ‘barren’ is used to describe something lifeless, or cannot reproduce. This suggests that Macbeth feels threatened as he has no children to succeed his kingship, whereas according to the Witches’ Prophecy, Banquo would be ‘greater’ as his descendants would inherit the monarchy.
<-- Somewhat stoccatic sentence structure. Doesn't flow too well.

Shakespeare, may also be alluding to the succession crisis in 1603, as the current ruler, Queen Elizabeth I was childless and did not name her successor until she was on her deathbed. The succession crisis was a concern, because it could have led to a potential outbreak of civil war if there was an inability to declare a successor. Shakespeare therefore in the falling action presents Macbeth as feeling threatened due to having a ‘fruitless crown’, which means his kingship is threatened due to having no heirs.
<-- Incorrect usage of commas. Sentences could be better connected.
I tried to tidy it up for you. I changed some of the vocabulary here and there but mostly kept it the same. I also tried not to change your argument.

Redraft:

In the aftermath of the regicide, Shakespeare presents the character of Macbeth as increasingly paranoid over his kingship. Macbeth metaphorically states that they have 'scorched the snake, not killed it' when planning the murder of Banquo, suggesting that although he's tried his utmost to eradicate the threat, he's only managed to further enrage it. Shakespeare employs the sinister and treacherous symbol of the snake to portray that Banquo will eventually exact his revenge on Macbeth, thus sabotaging his kingship. Macbeth's paranoia is not limited to his ambitions as monarch, however, considering that the character goes so far as to compare himself to a lifeless entity without the capability of reproduction when he morbidly states that he has a 'barren sceptre in his gripe'. This anxiety that Macbeth feels, that the succession will end with him, echoes the prophetic foreshadowing by the Witches, that Banquo was 'greater' than Macbeth. The pertinent issue of succession that plagues Macbeth mirrors the contemporary ruler of Shakespeare's time as Queen Elizabeth I, too, was childless and would not name her successor until her deathbed. The allusion to English monarchy allows Shakespeare to foreshadow a damning future for Macbeth given that, much like Queen Elizabeth I who did not have an obvious successor, his rule could potentially come face to face with an explosive civil war as a consequence for not producing an heir. Thus, Macbeth's paranoia and angst in the falling action are not for nothing as Banquo presents an especially sinister threat capable of undoing all that Macbeth stands for and strives to achieve.
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MathsMania
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(Original post by Quick-use)
I tried to tidy it up for you. I changed some of the vocabulary here and there but mostly kept it the same. I also tried not to change your argument.

Redraft:

In the aftermath of the regicide, Shakespeare presents the character of Macbeth as increasingly paranoid over his kingship. Macbeth metaphorically states that they have 'scorched the snake, not killed it' when planning the murder of Banquo, suggesting that although he's tried his utmost to eradicate the threat, he's only managed to further enrage it. Shakespeare employs the sinister and treacherous symbol of the snake to portray that Banquo will eventually exact his revenge on Macbeth, thus sabotaging his kingship. Macbeth's paranoia is not limited to his ambitions as monarch, however, considering that the character goes so far as to compare himself to a lifeless entity without the capability of reproduction when he morbidly states that he has a 'barren sceptre in his gripe'. This anxiety that Macbeth feels, that the succession will end with him, echoes the prophetic foreshadowing by the Witches, that Banquo was 'greater' than Macbeth. The pertinent issue of succession that plagues Macbeth mirrors the contemporary ruler of Shakespeare's time as Queen Elizabeth I, too, was childless and would not name her successor until her deathbed. The allusion to English monarchy allows Shakespeare to foreshadow a damning future for Macbeth given that, much like Queen Elizabeth I who did not have an obvious successor, his rule could potentially come face to face with an explosive civil war as a consequence for not producing an heir. Thus, Macbeth's paranoia and angst in the falling action are not for nothing as Banquo presents an especially sinister threat capable of undoing all that Macbeth stands for and strives to achieve.
Ahh, thanks very much! Yes, I see how your redraft is much more sophisticated than mine! Thanks very much, I will be using the feedback to improve my next paragraph!
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(Original post by MathsMania)
Ahh, thanks very much! Yes, I see how your redraft is much more sophisticated than mine! Thanks very much, I will be using the feedback to improve my next paragraph!
I've added some very brief comments to your paragraph in my quote in my previous post.
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