How to tell my boyfriend? Watch

Anonymous #1
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My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we are both 20. I love my boyfriend and I know that he is such a good influence on me - he's made me want to become a better version of myself and is always encouraging me in everything I do.

HOWEVER

It has occurred to me that he is a bit too attached to his parents. Don't get me wrong, it is great having a good bond with your parents, I absolutely love mine to bits, but there have been times where he has cancelled plans because he has to do something with his parents instead, and he relies on them way too much for things. He lives with them at the moment and they drive him everywhere (sometimes he has said he can't go somewhere with me because his parents aren't available to drive him at that time), they cook and clean for him, he always confirms with them when making decisions. It sometimes does feel like I am babysitting...

My friends say I need to tell him he needs to grow up but I really find that hard as I don't want to disrespect his parents and he's such a good guy, but on the other hand I know that this needs to be said.

What should I say?
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Rock Fan
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we are both 20. I love my boyfriend and I know that he is such a good influence on me - he's made me want to become a better version of myself and is always encouraging me in everything I do.

HOWEVER

It has occurred to me that he is a bit too attached to his parents. Don't get me wrong, it is great having a good bond with your parents, I absolutely love mine to bits, but there have been times where he has cancelled plans because he has to do something with his parents instead, and he relies on them way too much for things. He lives with them at the moment and they drive him everywhere (sometimes he has said he can't go somewhere with me because his parents aren't available to drive him at that time), they cook and clean for him, he always confirms with them when making decisions. It sometimes does feel like I am babysitting...

My friends say I need to tell him he needs to grow up but I really find that hard as I don't want to disrespect his parents and he's such a good guy, but on the other hand I know that this needs to be said.

What should I say?
I think you just gotta encourage him to make his own decisions.
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goggleyed
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just tell him how you feel. that you don't wanna be with someone who cancels on you to be with his parents. he'll either change or choose them and break up with you. win-win situation if you ask me
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by goggleyed)
just tell him how you feel. that you don't wanna be with someone who cancels on you to be with his parents. he'll either change or choose them and break up with you. win-win situation if you ask me
If I said this I am worried he will say I am being selfish...
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goggleyed
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If I said this I am worried he will say I am being selfish...
that would make him uptight though, him getting salty over you telling him to spend less time with his mummy and daddy. i mean hes cancelling plans on you for his parents, have you ever done that to him? would he be ok if you always did that to him? if he calls you selfish then hes kind of a fanny
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Allie4
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you're dating a boy not a man. i say tell him to man up or exchange him for something more grown up
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by goggleyed)
that would make him uptight though, him getting salty over you telling him to spend less time with his mummy and daddy. i mean hes cancelling plans on you for his parents, have you ever done that to him? would he be ok if you always did that to him? if he calls you selfish then hes kind of a fanny
I have never done that to him. If he wanted to do something I would always make time for him. If my parents knew I had plans with him, they wouldn't force me to spend time with them instead, they'd understand!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Allie4)
you're dating a boy not a man. i say tell him to man up or exchange him for something more grown up
I always thought boys mature later than girls though, how much more time does he need :confused:
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Pigster
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You are both still VERY young. Don't expect him (in this day and age) to be a Victorian dad - running his own tobacco company at age 14. I think you'll find that plenty of even 30+ year-olds still live with their parents.

Just roll with it, if you like him. If you're looking for an excuse to dump him, though, in order to get with that other bloke you've been thinking about, then do that.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Pigster)
You are both still VERY young. Don't expect him (in this day and age) to be a Victorian dad - running his own tobacco company at age 14. I think you'll find that plenty of even 30+ year-olds still live with their parents.

Just roll with it, if you like him. If you're looking for an excuse to dump him, though, in order to get with that other bloke you've been thinking about, then do that.
I'm not saying that living with your parents in itself is a bad thing. I live with my parents when I am not at uni and am close to my parents, but I am able to do things for myself and I had plans with my boyfriend I would be fine telling my parents and they would understand. My boyfriend has CANCELLED plans that we have made because of his parents and that shouldn't be happening.
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goggleyed
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have never done that to him. If he wanted to do something I would always make time for him. If my parents knew I had plans with him, they wouldn't force me to spend time with them instead, they'd understand!
there you go then, let that put things into perspective to you. YOU make time for him but he isn't making time for you? red flags right there. tell him to change or walk away. relationship is give and take, not you give and he takes
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ella1902
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I don’t think cancelling plans for his parents is that big of a deal, maybe something was going on, parents had a bad day, wanted company, looked forwards to spending time with him etc. These are people who raised him and love him, it’s okay to prioritise them sometimes as long as it wasn’t very important or long standing plans, or you hadn’t seen him in a while. As for the not being able to see him since his parents couldn’t drive him, if he doesn’t have a license that isn’t really his fault, getting a taxi is expensive.
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bones-mccoy
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I would definitely talk to him about it, you're not being unreasonable. Does he expect you to do similar things for him?

He's 20, he shouldn't be relying on his parents to cook and clean for him.
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