ProbablyPallas
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
The first few times I was enthusiastic and happy to try stuff. Tho now I'm not very keen because he doesn't like it, it makes me feel depressed, self conscious and unattractive
Have you told him this? Men need visual stimulation during sex too, so for example with doggy style he has the visual of the act itself, your behind, your back e.c.t. Missionary is boring, there's more than 3 positions. You need to be able to communicate with each other openly, but you're criticising what he's wanting to try.
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ageshallnot
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#22
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#22
(Original post by Anonymous)
The first few times I was enthusiastic and happy to try stuff. Tho now I'm not very keen because he doesn't like it, it makes me feel depressed, self conscious and unattractive
Sounds like you need to go back to basics. Talk to each other. Have sessions when you don't try intercourse, let him make you orgasm by other means or even do it yourself, and the same for him. Take the pressure off and put the fun back into your sex life!
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Anonymous #1
#23
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#23
(Original post by ProbablyPallas)
Have you told him this? Men need visual stimulation during sex too, so for example with doggy style he has the visual of the act itself, your behind, your back e.c.t. Missionary is boring, there's more than 3 positions. You need to be able to communicate with each other openly, but you're criticising what he's wanting to try.
But how is a back more arousing that a face and tits? Yes he knows because I have cried afterwards. It's only one position that I'm unwilling to try because I find it degrading and with this position it doesn't matter what girl you're ****ing, it means nothing. Also completely un-enjoyable and unarousing for me
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ageshallnot
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#24
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#24
(Original post by Anonymous)
But how is a back more arousing that a face and tits? Yes he knows because I have cried afterwards. It's only one position that I'm unwilling to try because I find it degrading and with this position it doesn't matter what girl you're ****ing, it means nothing. Also completely un-enjoyable and unarousing for me
I bet that's not how your bf thinks of it.
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Anonymous #1
#25
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#25
(Original post by ageshallnot)
I bet that's not how your bf thinks of it.
But it's just P in the V, not at all intimate, and he might as well go and do it with any girl at all, it's just about the act itself
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Dystopia98
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#26
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I think you have every right to set boundaries, and if doggy for you isn’t something you’re willing to try then he should respect that.
Equally, if he’s fed up of missionary and doesn’t like you on top, you need to respect that.
This means you have to experiment with different positions that is enjoyable for both of you. There are lots of different ways to have sex than “on top,” “missionary” and “from behind.”
But to me, it sounds like you’re not comfortable with each other or sexually compatible. Maybe look at issues outside the bedroom, because from my own experience, I know problems outside the bedroom makes sex less enjoyable due to lack of communication and trust.
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ageshallnot
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#27
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#27
(Original post by Anonymous)
But it's just P in the V, not at all intimate, and he might as well go and do it with any girl at all, it's just about the act itself
That is your own personal view. If you keep your mind closed then there is no helping you in general, not just in this specific example.
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Anonymous #1
#28
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#28
(Original post by Dystopia98)
I think you have every right to set boundaries, and if doggy for you isn’t something you’re willing to try then he should respect that.
Equally, if he’s fed up of missionary and doesn’t like you on top, you need to respect that.
This means you have to experiment with different positions that is enjoyable for both of you. There are lots of different ways to have sex than “on top,” “missionary” and “from behind.”
But to me, it sounds like you’re not comfortable with each other or sexually compatible. Maybe look at issues outside the bedroom, because from my own experience, I know problems outside the bedroom makes sex less enjoyable due to lack of communication and trust.
I would be more eager and willing to try other stuff if he had just orgasmed in missionary and said he wanted to change it up and try new things :/ now I have a defeatist attitude that nothing will work and I don't want to try bc it will inevitably fail.
Yeah there are other issues in the relationship, him pretending everything is fine and don't worry (including sex) being one of them
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ageshallnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I would be more eager and willing to try other stuff if he had just orgasmed in missionary and said he wanted to change it up and try new things :/ now I have a defeatist attitude that nothing will work and I don't want to try bc it will inevitably fail.
Yeah there are other issues in the relationship, him pretending everything is fine and don't worry (including sex) being one of them
So you are admitting that half the problem is in your head.
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Anonymous #1
#30
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#30
(Original post by ageshallnot)
So you are admitting that half the problem is in your head.
Well the first few times I had no problem, but now I do cos it just makes me feel **** everytime we have sex and he doesn't orgasm
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Dunnig Kruger
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#31
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#31
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well once we had sex and he told me he had 'saved himself for me' so for 5 days before he hadn't masturbated, and he STILL didn't orgasm, like what's wrong with me??
Doesn't mean to say he was telling the truth. It might have been 2 days and he was exagerating because he's embarassed about his masturbation habits.

But regardles, yes something is going on if he's not ejaculating during your love making sessions.
(Original post by emily_000)
because it makes me feel good.AND DON'T TRY ANA*.
Please do try anal. Properly lubed and relaxed before it goes in. Not shoved in dry or with a bit of spit.
(Original post by Anonymous)
We have tried me on top, cowgirl, he kept complaining he felt his **** was being bent in a certain direction but didn't know which, so that didn't work out. I don't mind trying other positions, except I don't get why he can't orgasm from missionary
Let him complain. Tell him "Pain is pleasure." And carry on. The penis can bend a lot without getting permanently damaged. Stimulation of the right part of his penis in the right way will result in him ejaculating if he's gone without sex for a couple of days and doesn't have an underlying issue - eg taking medication that is affecting him.
(Original post by Anonymous)
My bf doesn't orgasm when he has sex with me. He said about oh it's important to lose your virginity with someone you love and have sex with someone you love, but he basically said sex with me was bad, makes some excuses about it's boring cos it's one position and one motion (er same with any oral sex or masturbation!!!) Then he wants to try a position that's just ****ing, not seeing my face, not love making it makes me really sad everytime we attempt to have sex and I can't help thinking about it at random times too. By this point, I would rather have sex with a desperate guy who I don't like but orgasms, than with my bf who supposedly loves me and is supposedly attracted but obviously doesn't want nice sex or sex with me or has some **** problem.

How do I talk to him about this? Because the psychological effects on me are just ****, and it's not a normal on his part, and we never even talk about the problem.
This comes across as the 2 of you being sexually incompatible at the moment.
It's possible that the 2 of you could become compatible with the right attitude.
At the moment neither of you appear to have that attitude.

The right attitude is one where you put your partner's pleasure ahead of yours. It's also one where you both have an open mind. And treat it all as a learning and exploration exercise.

I get the impression that neither of you have much knowledge nor experience about sex and how to please each other and how to please yourselves when making love? That's fine. Everyone has to learn some time. And learning about this subject is a lot more fun than learning about maths or history or French at school.

You seem to have a rather close minded attitude to what you're expecting to do during sex. Try to be more open minded.

He seems to have a rather selfish attitude. And him saying that sex with you was bad and boring was a really rude thing for him and lacking in class and manners. It would help if he had more of an "equal partnership" attitude to sex. As well as him being a lot more positive and lot less critical of you.
What he should be doing is building up your trust in him. And then introducing new things to you, one thing at a time.

The him not ejaculating thing is neither here nor there. Especially if you are getting orgasms from making love with him.
If neither of you are getting orgasms, it's no big deal during the early stages of your relationship, as long as you are both finding it a pleasureable experience overall.

I'd say give it another 10 to 20 love making sessions. To see if you can both turn over a new leaf and "grow into each other" on the sexual compatability front.
If the sexual incompatability is still there in 20 sessions time, the best course of action is to write him off as a boyfriend and get another one.

When discussing all this with him, try to make your criticism of him as indirect as possible. Try not to have a blazing row about it. Try to have a positive conversation with him about this, where you acknowledge that things haven't been perfect so far and what can you both do to try to have more satisfying love making sessions together. This will depend on him being willing to talk about this in an adult manner. For a lot of men this would be a taboo subject.
You should also try just going ahead and doing something different in bed.
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ageshallnot
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#32
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#32
(Original post by Anonymous)
Well the first few times I had no problem, but now I do cos it just makes me feel **** everytime we have sex and he doesn't orgasm
QED.
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emily_000
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#33
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#33
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Doesn't mean to say he was telling the truth. It might have been 2 days and he was exagerating because he's embarassed about his masturbation habits.

But regardles, yes something is going on if he's not ejaculating during your love making sessions.

Please do try anal. Properly lubed and relaxed before it goes in. Not shoved in dry or with a bit of spit.

Let him complain. Tell him "Pain is pleasure." And carry on. The penis can bend a lot without getting permanently damaged. Stimulation of the right part of his penis in the right way will result in him ejaculating if he's gone without sex for a couple of days and doesn't have an underlying issue - eg taking medication that is affecting him.

This comes across as the 2 of you being sexually incompatible at the moment.
It's possible that the 2 of you could become compatible with the right attitude.
At the moment neither of you appear to have that attitude.

The right attitude is one where you put your partner's pleasure ahead of yours. It's also one where you both have an open mind. And treat it all as a learning and exploration exercise.

I get the impression that neither of you have much knowledge nor experience about sex and how to please each other and how to please yourselves when making love? That's fine. Everyone has to learn some time. And learning about this subject is a lot more fun than learning about maths or history or French at school.

You seem to have a rather close minded attitude to what you're expecting to do during sex. Try to be more open minded.

He seems to have a rather selfish attitude. And him saying that sex with you was bad and boring was a really rude thing for him and lacking in class and manners. It would help if he had more of an "equal partnership" attitude to sex. As well as him being a lot more positive and lot less critical of you.
What he should be doing is building up your trust in him. And then introducing new things to you, one thing at a time.

The him not ejaculating thing is neither here nor there. Especially if you are getting orgasms from making love with him.
If neither of you are getting orgasms, it's no big deal during the early stages of your relationship, as long as you are both finding it a pleasureable experience overall.

I'd say give it another 10 to 20 love making sessions. To see if you can both turn over a new leaf and "grow into each other" on the sexual compatability front.
If the sexual incompatability is still there in 20 sessions time, the best course of action is to write him off as a boyfriend and get another one.

When discussing all this with him, try to make your criticism of him as indirect as possible. Try not to have a blazing row about it. Try to have a positive conversation with him about this, where you acknowledge that things haven't been perfect so far and what can you both do to try to have more satisfying love making sessions together. This will depend on him being willing to talk about this in an adult manner. For a lot of men this would be a taboo subject.
You should also try just going ahead and doing something different in bed.
you can try ANA* if you want. I am not going to do it. Is disgusting, it hurts and is not normal is weird.
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ProbablyPallas
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#34
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#34
(Original post by Anonymous)
But how is a back more arousing that a face and tits? Yes he knows because I have cried afterwards. It's only one position that I'm unwilling to try because I find it degrading and with this position it doesn't matter what girl you're ****ing, it means nothing. Also completely un-enjoyable and unarousing for me
So break up, you're obviously not sexually compatible and your negative attitude towards sex is probably what's preventing him from orgasm.
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Anonymous #1
#35
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#35
(Original post by ProbablyPallas)
So break up, you're obviously not sexually compatible and your negative attitude towards sex is probably what's preventing him from orgasm.
But I only have a negative attitude because he couldn't orgasm multiple times. He said it's not a big deal (I disagree) and doesn't want to break up over it.
(Original post by ageshallnot)
QED.
What does that mean?
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ageshallnot
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#36
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#36
(Original post by Anonymous)
What does that mean?
Quod Erat Demonstrandum, ie you just proved my point (regarding half the problem being in your head).

Seriously, you are making this into a bigger issue than it actually is, partly because you have preconceived ideas about what sex should be and what it should not be.
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