My friends are so rude

So I currently have a thing with a guy from uni, after a break up. It's not serious, we're not together however we do enjoy each other's companies therefore we had our first date yesterday. I told my friends this, and all they could respond was: 'Wow, he must have a big **** then'. I was like what? Why? Answer: 'Because he's ugly.' This was right before our date, and I felt sooo bad I cried. When I told them ' can't you be just happy for me', their response was 'What? Do you want us to lie to you?' I realized they're sooo judgy and they still have this judgy *****y high school attitude. Not just in this case, but they're always like this. Also they stayed in our home country (Poland ) while I moved to the UK for uni, so maybe that's why I don't have that attitude anymore. I'm so confused I feel like I can't tell them anything real cause I'm afraid of their opinions, and it's kinda toxic, but I don't want to cut them off cause we've been friends forever and I still get along with 2 of them. Any advice? ( I know it's a bit messy sorry)

Reply 1

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous

So I currently have a thing with a guy from uni, after a break up. It's not serious, we're not together however we do enjoy each other's companies therefore we had our first date yesterday. I told my friends this, and all they could respond was: 'Wow, he must have a big **** then'. I was like what? Why? Answer: 'Because he's ugly.' This was right before our date, and I felt sooo bad I cried. When I told them ' can't you be just happy for me', their response was 'What? Do you want us to lie to you?' I realized they're sooo judgy and they still have this judgy *****y high school attitude. Not just in this case, but they're always like this. Also they stayed in our home country (Poland ) while I moved to the UK for uni, so maybe that's why I don't have that attitude anymore. I'm so confused I feel like I can't tell them anything real cause I'm afraid of their opinions, and it's kinda toxic, but I don't want to cut them off cause we've been friends forever and I still get along with 2 of them. Any advice? ( I know it's a bit messy sorry)

Personally, I would take honest friends over fake ones. I agree that being judgey can be annoying but it is better for you to have honest real people around you. Would you have preferred that they gossiped behind your back?

I think you should filter the conversation that you have with them and keep the more private stuff out of your conversations with them.

All the best.

Reply 2

bones-mccoy

19

Whilst they are being honest, there's a time and a place for honesty and you have to use some sort of tact in certain situations. Even if they thought he was ugly, there's no logical reason why they needed to tell you that, you're going on the date, not them. Sometimes people hate seeing others happy and are so insecure they'll find a negative in everything good going on in the other person's life just to make themselves feel better. Real friends are happy for you.

You don't have to cut them off completely but you can distance yourself from them a bit, you can still socialise etc when you go back home but you can refrain from telling them anything about your personal life.

Reply 3

bones-mccoy

19

I agree with the latter part of your comment but you'll notice I didn't defend what they said. I only pointed out that they were being honest, not that I agreed that they should have been.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Wired_1800

Personally, I would take honest friends over fake ones. I agree that being judgey can be annoying but it is better for you to have honest real people around you. Would you have preferred that they gossiped behind your back?

I think you should filter the conversation that you have with them and keep the more private stuff out of your conversations with them.

All the best.

I agree w you, I've always appreciated honesty. But I feel like they shouldn't be judgy in the first place at least not in this case, I mean come on calling someone ugly is just horrible even if it is true although it's not true in this case, since lots of ppl have said that he's acc attractive. My friends have high expectations so model- looking people are the only ones who are acc to them. Also it's not only this 'boy situation', they're just so quick to judge people from looks in general, it almost seems like they do this as a hobby.

Reply 5

Wired_1800

20

Original post by Anonymous

I agree w you, I've always appreciated honesty. But I feel like they shouldn't be judgy in the first place at least not in this case, I mean come on calling someone ugly is just horrible even if it is true although it's not true in this case, since lots of ppl have said that he's acc attractive. My friends have high expectations so model- looking people are the only ones who are acc to them. Also it's not only this 'boy situation', they're just so quick to judge people from looks in general, it almost seems like they do this as a hobby.