My parents won’t let move out for uni. Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#1
Hi guys, this is gonna be kind of a long post so sorry I’m advance but I really need some help.

So currently I’m in year 12 of secondary and gonna be doing my a levels next year (2021). And obviously I live with my parents and ngl it kinda sucks. You see I love my parents and really do care for them but I don’t see myself living with them for the rest of my life. Our personalities couldn’t be more different and they are rlly controlling. It’s always depressive and tension filled in my house. If not always most of the time especially when one of my parents are angry. And I’m that type of person who loves that happy environment ( I mean who doesn’t) where no one is allowed to scream and shout. I just want somewhere where I am happy and I belong.

And so I have made the decision that I wanna apply to a uni that is NOT local. And my mum won’t have it.I haven’t told her exactly but I kinda have been hinting that I would like to go to Liverpool, Manchester etc. But she won’t have it coz whenever I say this she says that your not going anywhere where I am not there. Now I know most of you will say oh she just wants to protect you and she cares for you and believe me first I thought that too but now I know it’s not that because I found out by eavesdropping that they are planning my future for me. I don’t want anyone planning my future because I want to be independent. They want me married after studies I despise the idea of marriage ( I guess it’s mostly because of all the unhappy marriages in my family). My dad isn’t really interested in my educational choices he just says what you say or your mom says.Mostly it’s what my mom says. So I just wanna ask about the application system because I know my mom if she could get her hands on my application processes she will do the applying for me. I hate her choices coz they are all local and I just wanna move out and uni will be an excuse for me to do that and I guess if it goes on like this I’m gonna have to do something. How do you apply to uni’s (ik it’s early right now but I wanna be ready). And also if I do have to forcefully move out I know they are gonna follow me and create a big fight so I’m assuming I will have the right not too since I will be 18, right? It’s just that it feels more sensible to do it now because if I start rebelling in my mid 30 it will seem in appropriate and one more thing could I please get some genuine replies because I know I might be a teenagers and teenagers can be reckless and wanna move out but let’s just say I have seen the world at a very young age and it broke me and the only way to get out is if I have control over me and start finding out WHO I AM.
0
reply
David Getling
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#2
Report 5 days ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys, this is gonna be kind of a long post so sorry I’m advance but I really need some help.

So currently I’m in year 12 of secondary and gonna be doing my a levels next year (2021). And obviously I live with my parents and ngl it kinda sucks. You see I love my parents and really do care for them but I don’t see myself living with them for the rest of my life. Our personalities couldn’t be more different and they are rlly controlling. It’s always depressive and tension filled in my house. If not always most of the time especially when one of my parents are angry. And I’m that type of person who loves that happy environment ( I mean who doesn’t) where no one is allowed to scream and shout. I just want somewhere where I am happy and I belong.

And so I have made the decision that I wanna apply to a uni that is NOT local. And my mum won’t have it.I haven’t told her exactly but I kinda have been hinting that I would like to go to Liverpool, Manchester etc. But she won’t have it coz whenever I say this she says that your not going anywhere where I am not there. Now I know most of you will say oh she just wants to protect you and she cares for you and believe me first I thought that too but now I know it’s not that because I found out by eavesdropping that they are planning my future for me. I don’t want anyone planning my future because I want to be independent. They want me married after studies I despise the idea of marriage ( I guess it’s mostly because of all the unhappy marriages in my family). My dad isn’t really interested in my educational choices he just says what you say or your mom says.Mostly it’s what my mom says. So I just wanna ask about the application system because I know my mom if she could get her hands on my application processes she will do the applying for me. I hate her choices coz they are all local and I just wanna move out and uni will be an excuse for me to do that and I guess if it goes on like this I’m gonna have to do something. How do you apply to uni’s (ik it’s early right now but I wanna be ready). And also if I do have to forcefully move out I know they are gonna follow me and create a big fight so I’m assuming I will have the right not too since I will be 18, right? It’s just that it feels more sensible to do it now because if I start rebelling in my mid 30 it will seem in appropriate and one more thing could I please get some genuine replies because I know I might be a teenagers and teenagers can be reckless and wanna move out but let’s just say I have seen the world at a very young age and it broke me and the only way to get out is if I have control over me and start finding out WHO I AM.
Actually it's very simple. If you are prepared to completely support yourself then you go where you please. If your parents are supporting you then you do and they say, and be grateful.
0
reply
Johnny Tightlips
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#3
Report 5 days ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys, this is gonna be kind of a long post so sorry I’m advance but I really need some help.

So currently I’m in year 12 of secondary and gonna be doing my a levels next year (2021). And obviously I live with my parents and ngl it kinda sucks. You see I love my parents and really do care for them but I don’t see myself living with them for the rest of my life. Our personalities couldn’t be more different and they are rlly controlling. It’s always depressive and tension filled in my house. If not always most of the time especially when one of my parents are angry. And I’m that type of person who loves that happy environment ( I mean who doesn’t) where no one is allowed to scream and shout. I just want somewhere where I am happy and I belong.

And so I have made the decision that I wanna apply to a uni that is NOT local. And my mum won’t have it.I haven’t told her exactly but I kinda have been hinting that I would like to go to Liverpool, Manchester etc. But she won’t have it coz whenever I say this she says that your not going anywhere where I am not there. Now I know most of you will say oh she just wants to protect you and she cares for you and believe me first I thought that too but now I know it’s not that because I found out by eavesdropping that they are planning my future for me. I don’t want anyone planning my future because I want to be independent. They want me married after studies I despise the idea of marriage ( I guess it’s mostly because of all the unhappy marriages in my family). My dad isn’t really interested in my educational choices he just says what you say or your mom says.Mostly it’s what my mom says. So I just wanna ask about the application system because I know my mom if she could get her hands on my application processes she will do the applying for me. I hate her choices coz they are all local and I just wanna move out and uni will be an excuse for me to do that and I guess if it goes on like this I’m gonna have to do something. How do you apply to uni’s (ik it’s early right now but I wanna be ready). And also if I do have to forcefully move out I know they are gonna follow me and create a big fight so I’m assuming I will have the right not too since I will be 18, right? It’s just that it feels more sensible to do it now because if I start rebelling in my mid 30 it will seem in appropriate and one more thing could I please get some genuine replies because I know I might be a teenagers and teenagers can be reckless and wanna move out but let’s just say I have seen the world at a very young age and it broke me and the only way to get out is if I have control over me and start finding out WHO I AM.
She is definitely far too controlling. I sort of understand that it is hard to 'let go' of someone you've raised all their life but she has to understand that you're not a kid anymore, it's time for you to be independent. This is your life, not theirs.
You can apply all on your own with UCAS- you make the choices for the uni.
0
reply
Talon
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#4
Report 5 days ago
#4
Difficult. If they are providing money towards your studies then they can make this conditional over where you go. If they aren't then there is nothing they can do to stop you from going. Your mum does sounds like a control freak.

Moving out for uni is not reckless, it is what normal people do. Very few students live at home for uni.
Last edited by Talon; 5 days ago
0
reply
Hoc est Bellum
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#5
Report 5 days ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi guys, this is gonna be kind of a long post so sorry I’m advance but I really need some help.

So currently I’m in year 12 of secondary and gonna be doing my a levels next year (2021). And obviously I live with my parents and ngl it kinda sucks. You see I love my parents and really do care for them but I don’t see myself living with them for the rest of my life. Our personalities couldn’t be more different and they are rlly controlling. It’s always depressive and tension filled in my house. If not always most of the time especially when one of my parents are angry. And I’m that type of person who loves that happy environment ( I mean who doesn’t) where no one is allowed to scream and shout. I just want somewhere where I am happy and I belong.

And so I have made the decision that I wanna apply to a uni that is NOT local. And my mum won’t have it.I haven’t told her exactly but I kinda have been hinting that I would like to go to Liverpool, Manchester etc. But she won’t have it coz whenever I say this she says that your not going anywhere where I am not there. Now I know most of you will say oh she just wants to protect you and she cares for you and believe me first I thought that too but now I know it’s not that because I found out by eavesdropping that they are planning my future for me. I don’t want anyone planning my future because I want to be independent. They want me married after studies I despise the idea of marriage ( I guess it’s mostly because of all the unhappy marriages in my family). My dad isn’t really interested in my educational choices he just says what you say or your mom says.Mostly it’s what my mom says. So I just wanna ask about the application system because I know my mom if she could get her hands on my application processes she will do the applying for me. I hate her choices coz they are all local and I just wanna move out and uni will be an excuse for me to do that and I guess if it goes on like this I’m gonna have to do something. How do you apply to uni’s (ik it’s early right now but I wanna be ready). And also if I do have to forcefully move out I know they are gonna follow me and create a big fight so I’m assuming I will have the right not too since I will be 18, right? It’s just that it feels more sensible to do it now because if I start rebelling in my mid 30 it will seem in appropriate and one more thing could I please get some genuine replies because I know I might be a teenagers and teenagers can be reckless and wanna move out but let’s just say I have seen the world at a very young age and it broke me and the only way to get out is if I have control over me and start finding out WHO I AM.
She can't stop you from moving out, what is she going to do, kick you out of the house?
0
reply
YaliaV
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#6
Report 5 days ago
#6
Are you Muslim and female? This is a very common theme on TSR. Are any of your other family members more liberal?
1
reply
YaliaV
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#7
Report 5 days ago
#7
(Original post by David Getling)
Actually it's very simple. If you are prepared to completely support yourself then you go where you please. If your parents are supporting you then you do and they say, and be grateful.
Did you read the entire post? I thought not.
2
reply
yotsr123
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#8
Report 5 days ago
#8
As other users have said if you are prepared to support yourself and your maintenance loan (or job) will cover your studies, then you can move out if you'd like. If your parents are supporting you, unfortunately they have more of a say in where you study.
I'd just like you to note that most universities have a 43 week term which will only cover your Christmas and Easter holidays, so you'll be back home for the summer, which means if you simply move out your parents may be on bad terms with you when you come back. So talk with your parents and try to come up with a compromise and weigh up your options. Good luck
1
reply
bones-mccoy
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#9
Report 5 days ago
#9
Parents do sometimes find it hard to let go and will worry when their kids move out for uni, that's natural, but your mum is taking things way too far. You'll have a pasword and username for UCAS so unless she gets hold of those her access will be limited. Realisitically the only things she can do are physically move to where you'll end up going (which will cause massive upheaval for the entire family) or not support you financially, but there may be other support available: https://www.ucas.com/finance/additio...mily-estranged

Obviously that's for the worse case scenario but you need to sit down with both your parents and talk to them regarding their reasoning for not wanting you to move out. Be prepared to talk, not argue, and discuss compromises.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 5 days ago
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#10
(Original post by Talon)
Difficult. If they are providing money towards your studies then they can make this conditional over where you go. If they aren't then there is nothing they can do to stop you from going. Your mum does sounds like a control freak.

Moving out for uni is not reckless, it is what normal people do. Very few students live at home for uni.
yeh from what i have read its all if your financially independent then you can go but the thing is im not and im willing to work if it will get me out but cant you apply for student loan?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 5 days ago
#11
(Original post by YaliaV)
Are you Muslim and female? This is a very common theme on TSR. Are any of your other family members more liberal?
yeh i am but the rule isn't just for the girls its actually for all of my siblings ( including brothers). But i wouldn't say its because of religion its more of a culture issue. You know like what would people say if you moved out but the truth is no one is gonna say anything coz everyone in my family move out its just us.
0
reply
DiddyDec
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#12
Report 5 days ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
yeh from what i have read its all if your financially independent then you can go but the thing is im not and im willing to work if it will get me out but cant you apply for student loan?
The student loans only cover so much and in some cities it may not even cover the rent.
0
reply
David Getling
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#13
Report 5 days ago
#13
(Original post by YaliaV)
Did you read the entire post? I thought not.
Yes, I did. Whether you like it or not your parents put in the hard graft to feed, shelter and clothe you. While they are supporting you, you do as they say!
0
reply
Talon
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 day ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
yeh from what i have read its all if your financially independent then you can go but the thing is im not and im willing to work if it will get me out but cant you apply for student loan?
You can apply, but it may not cover everything. You will likely need a part time job at uni.

https://www.ucas.com/finance/undergr...-student-loans
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

People at uni: do initiations (like heavy drinking) put you off joining sports societies?

Yes (260)
67.01%
No (128)
32.99%

Watched Threads

View All