Is it me or the relationship? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
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So I never really wanted a relationship, the idea of a close relationship with someone who actually understood and loved you and u clicked with, seemed amazing, but I knew in reality I'd never meet that person,and it was too idealistic. I'm a pretty anxious, worrier of a person, I overanalyse and read into everything. I'm self confident and self assured by myself, I was happy single.

Anyway I had a short term 'relationship',guy used me for sex and pretended to like me etc, I had dp for 6 months after, decided to never date again, built myself back up. Then 16 months later I start a relationship with my current bf. First of all I was mostly happy, I worried about some stuff but was overall a + to my life. Anyway, 2 months into the relationship he changes, I'm not so sure he actually likes me or loves me, he's inconsistent, dishonest, puts me as his bottom priority, yet pretends everything is fine and complains if I argue. He was like this for months. He says this was because he wasn't sure I was interested in him and wanted to spend his time on other things bc of this (but I think it's an excuse, I'm very easy to read and affectionate)

Now he's sort of back to how he was before, but honestly, I feel wrecked, anxiety is eating away at me, my insomnia is awful, I can't concentrate on any work, I can't stop thinking about all the problems and the holes in stuff he says or does and I don't trust him. It's a huge emotional and psychological burden for me. I'm not happy, secure in myself and hate myself because I feel he doesn't like me and I'm not good enough for him. I'm very emotional. I want to see him and talk to him but I don't look forward to it.

But I'm wondering if the problem is me, or the relationship and the guy I'm with? I seem to have a tendency to dictate my worth and happiness by the person I'm with and whether or not they actually like me, but single I don't need anyone to reassure me how great I am :/ thanks to anyone who reads this long ****
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joannem26
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#2
Report 2 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I never really wanted a relationship, the idea of a close relationship with someone who actually understood and loved you and u clicked with, seemed amazing, but I knew in reality I'd never meet that person,and it was too idealistic. I'm a pretty anxious, worrier of a person, I overanalyse and read into everything. I'm self confident and self assured by myself, I was happy single.

Anyway I had a short term 'relationship',guy used me for sex and pretended to like me etc, I had dp for 6 months after, decided to never date again, built myself back up. Then 16 months later I start a relationship with my current bf. First of all I was mostly happy, I worried about some stuff but was overall a + to my life. Anyway, 2 months into the relationship he changes, I'm not so sure he actually likes me or loves me, he's inconsistent, dishonest, puts me as his bottom priority, yet pretends everything is fine and complains if I argue. He was like this for months. He says this was because he wasn't sure I was interested in him and wanted to spend his time on other things bc of this (but I think it's an excuse, I'm very easy to read and affectionate)

Now he's sort of back to how he was before, but honestly, I feel wrecked, anxiety is eating away at me, my insomnia is awful, I can't concentrate on any work, I can't stop thinking about all the problems and the holes in stuff he says or does and I don't trust him. It's a huge emotional and psychological burden for me. I'm not happy, secure in myself and hate myself because I feel he doesn't like me and I'm not good enough for him. I'm very emotional. I want to see him and talk to him but I don't look forward to it.

But I'm wondering if the problem is me, or the relationship and the guy I'm with? I seem to have a tendency to dictate my worth and happiness by the person I'm with and whether or not they actually like me, but single I don't need anyone to reassure me how great I am :/ thanks to anyone who reads this long ****
Hello He seems immature in the relationship and is being unfair to you. The problem is not you! There are tons and tons of people who are non committal or who are just using their partners and this doesnt make it their fault AT ALL! It's unfortunate, and it hurts, but always prioritise yourself and if you're hurting because he is literally being inconsiderate then pick yourself up, get out of that toxic relationship and keep searching for the one, because the right person will not treat you in the ways you have described! Stay strong <3 <3 <3
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