Anonymous #1
#1
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#1
So I’m 18 (male) and I’ve been in a loop of self hatred and loneliness for the past 4 years. Everyday is a battle to get out of bed I hate the course I’m on and do not enjoy it whatsoever, but I cannot quit because my parents will go at my throat since they constantly put pressure on me to do as well as my other siblings.

I’m in a small social circle but still feel alone, I cannot open up to any of them since they would not take me seriously. I’m in constant fear of the worst that’s going to happen even if it’s just going to the shop 5 minutes down the road, and been like this for too long.

I know people suggest professional help but I can’t bring myself to reaching out and opening up to my family, let alone someone I don’t know that well. Life’s just been a never ending spiral of self consciousness and bad thoughts. This has once gotten to me in the past where I tried taking my own life and for a brief second after I thought things may look up, but they only ever seem to be plummeting down to the point where I’m confident on wanting to try again but be successful.

At this point I just need any advice, any comfort to help me get out of this slump.

Thank you
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MajaD
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I’m 18 (male) and I’ve been in a loop of self hatred and loneliness for the past 4 years. Everyday is a battle to get out of bed I hate the course I’m on and do not enjoy it whatsoever, but I cannot quit because my parents will go at my throat since they constantly put pressure on me to do as well as my other siblings.

I’m in a small social circle but still feel alone, I cannot open up to any of them since they would not take me seriously. I’m in constant fear of the worst that’s going to happen even if it’s just going to the shop 5 minutes down the road, and been like this for too long.

I know people suggest professional help but I can’t bring myself to reaching out and opening up to my family, let alone someone I don’t know that well. Life’s just been a never ending spiral of self consciousness and bad thoughts. This has once gotten to me in the past where I tried taking my own life and for a brief second after I thought things may look up, but they only ever seem to be plummeting down to the point where I’m confident on wanting to try again but be successful.

At this point I just need any advice, any comfort to help me get out of this slump.

Thank you
Hi,

First, however hard this is, you're not alone in feeling these things. The fact that you've put your fears out there and asked for help is remarkable, wow. I won't profess any answer but I have also had my share of difficulties like what you describe. You sound brave to me. The cunning trick of most mental anguish is the sense of guilt that it presents; the sense that one needs to be alone out of fear of rejection. Whatever your outlet, share, talk, and don't allow it to control you. A friend, a beach, song, sunset, moon, film; whatever gives you sense, meaning and a semblance of hope: roll with it.
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kiyuni
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you’re not alone! a lot of people experience this. i’m sorry you’re going through such a tough time.

as for friends, i completely understand. although i have actually looked for professional help, i haven’t told my friends. that’s normal, you don’t need to tell them especially if you have the types of friends that are more carefree and prefer not to talk about serious topics. there’s no pressure to talk to your friends about this if you dont think it’ll help.

if you’ve tried to take your life before please reach out to someone, that could be through texts or calls (online therapists? i think you might be too old to talk to someone through childline). these are good as your identity is hidden.

i really recommend reaching out to a gp, they can refer you to a professional without your family knowing. not only that, some GPs have a ‘mental health’ nurse, this is someone you can talk to over the phone or in person right in your gp, you don’t need to formally go to visit a therapist or psychiatrist. it’s daunting to think about opening up to a professional, but they may just offer you medication instead if you’re really not looking for therapy. medication such as anti depressants could help a lot and could encourage you to seek more help.

i’m sorry that you’re under so much pressure, don’t keep it all to yourself, it’ll only get worse. if you ever need anyone to speak to send a message. from what it seems, you’re going through a lot right now. talking about it even to people on the internet or writing a diary can help get it all out.

take care.
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Anonymous #2
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^Exactly. You sound so strong and I promise you’re not alone in this. I’ve been suffering from depression for two years, so I understand how much it can fluctuate, but it won’t always be like this. I’m so proud of you for recognising that quitting isn’t the right solution because you sound driven and mature enough to know that things can change. I’m sorry if I’m not much help, as I still feel this way sometimes myself, but I’d be more than happy to message you privately and make friends because my best friend went through the same situation and his words are honestly better than any medication a doctor could prescribe
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