V-Day Blues. I hardly talk to any boys ... can any boys help me out please?? Watch

Anonymous #1
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Hey

So, I'm a 16 year old girl in my first year of sixth form, I'm relatively confident, I'm not super shy (and according to my friends, family, a few boys and strangers) I'm witty, I'm smart, I have a bubbly personality and I think I'm kind of good-looking? However, I am seriously inexperienced when it comes to boys and dating ... and it's left me questioning whether there's something wrong with me because I've never done any normal teenage relationship things before, and I really want to.

I've been through what you'd call 'talking stages' with guys, and tbh the conversation is usually (but not always) started by them. But these have only ever lasted for a month at most (on and off) and I'm pretty sure the boys that have popped up to me so far are either players or just want to be friends - so now I usually try and not get my hopes up about this sort of thing to prevent misinterpreting guys' intentions and avoid getting my feelings hurt . These talking stages have literally never lead anywhere though, I haven't even had my first kiss yet - the most action I've ever got from a guy is a hug :/

Most of the people I hang out with happen to be more introverted and don't go out much - which definitely has its downsides, but for the sake of this topic, it kind of makes me feel better knowing that there a like-minded people my age who also haven't experienced any kind of teenage relationship yet. However, when I hang out with my more extroverted friends, it makes me feel way out of my depth when they talk about all these things they've done with boys (and girls btw) and I find it really hard to relate. Literally the only advice I have to offer is whatever books, films and TV shows tell me teenage relationships should look like.

I know what you're probably thinking ... 16 is way too young to be stressing about relationships or lack thereof, but it's really difficult not to when western culture is so obsessed with the idea of love and romance as this perfect thing that makes life so much better. I mean, I'm sure once you're in a great relationship, love can be amazing (I'm lucky enough to have parents that are still together, so I've seen the effect love has on people). But it's difficult when you feel so far removed the whole thing. I mean ... today is Valentine's day and all I see is people telling the world how happy they are with their s/o, meanwhile I spent the day watching cheesy Netflix romcoms and eating a whole tub of Ben & Jerry's by myself.

Anyway, getting back to the point of this post. Basically, I need some help, from guys especially. I really want to experience having a boyfriend who I get on with and likes me for me, and I also want to experience being a good girlfriend for that person, whoever they may be. So ... how do I do this??? I don't sit next to any boys in my lessons so I can't practice talking to them, most of my friends/all of my close friends are girls who (like me) don't have many guy friends, so I can't make friends through them either. In your opinion where is a good place to meet boys? And how? If there are any guys reading this with girlfriends or you know someone with a girlfriend, how did you/they get together?

I hope I don't sound desperate. This is just something that is always on my mind but I hardly ever vocalise it, so I have a lot to say lol. To be honest, it does make me kinda sad sometimes. Like, is there anything wrong with me? For reference, I'm 5'9 with blue eyes and auburn hair, and I often wonder if I was a bit shorter and a bit skinnier with blonde/brown hair that guys might like me? Or at least notice me more? Or maybe it's my figure in general? Or my face? Idk, it just makes me question my self worth a lot.

Anyway, I appreciate this post is super long, and thanks so much if you made it to the end. This is the first one I've ever written so I doubt I'll get many replies, but if you have any good advice at all please let me know! I'll be forever grateful x

Here's to actually having a Valentine next year! <3

L.H x
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Anonymous #2
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This won’t be helpful at all. But I’m the same, 17 in first year of college and not had my first kiss. Soooo ur not alone ig
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Anonymous #3
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Same im in first year of college too and literally can relate Ive never even got a hug from a guy let alone a first kiss
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Anonymous #4
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Awww you don’t sound desperate at all, I feel the same!! I guess we’re so occupied with college all the time that we probably don’t notice how much we desire a relationship, but on day like today we’re bound to over think it (especially since so many couples in my sixth form faves roses to one another and we’re really affection ) I’m sorry I can’t offer much advice as I’m quite inexperienced too, but I hope someone can help out and that you find Mr Right soon!! But at the same time, don’t allow yourself to feel pressured to keep up with your extroverted friends because these things happen naturally at different stages in our lives and I know it can get lonely if they talk about it often, but I guess it’s better to let it happen itself! xx
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Old Skool Freak
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Does your six-form have a common room? So you don't sit next to any guys, but I'm guessing there are guys in some of your classes and you occasionally have to do group exercises with each other? Why not use that as an exercise?

Also do you have any hobbies / interests? A common way to meet people and increase your social circle is to join some kind of evening class... think of your interests... do you like art or drama? Do you enjoy sports or dancing? Are you interested in doing charity / volunteer work? Think about things that you'd like to try, and ask yourself are there likely to be guys around there. The beauty of these type of classes is that it means you've naturally got something in common and the nature of the activity will inevitably provide a talking point / subject matter.

If & when you do talk to someone who takes your fancy... the easiest way of introducing the element of flirting is to give him some kind of compliment... preferably about his appearance, but can also be about how well he does something. Other ways to show your interest are also to laugh at their [email protected] jokes (unless it's something totally offensive or un PC obviously). Smiling lots and looking at them in that sort of "Gazey" sort of way. Also a light touch of the arm when he says something funny or endearing will send shock-waves in him.

EDIT:- Just seen the replies here... Have I just crashed the official single girls night in front of the sofa watching Pretty Woman & Dirty Dancing :lol:
Last edited by Old Skool Freak; 4 days ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Old Skool Freak)
Does your six-form have a common room? So you don't sit next to any guys, but I'm guessing there are guys in some of your classes and you occasionally have to do group exercises with each other? Why not use that as an exercise?

Also do you have any hobbies / interests? A common way to meet people and increase your social circle is to join some kind of evening class... think of your interests... do you like art or drama? Do you enjoy sports or dancing? Are you interested in doing charity / volunteer work? Think about things that you'd like to try, and ask yourself are there likely to be guys around there. The beauty of these type of classes is that it means you've naturally got something in common and the nature of the activity will inevitably provide a talking point / subject matter.

If & when you do talk to someone who takes your fancy... the easiest way of introducing the element of flirting is to give him some kind of compliment... preferably about his appearance, but can also be about how well he does something. Other ways to show your interest are also to laugh at their [email protected] jokes (unless it's something totally offensive or un PC obviously). Smiling lots and looking at them in that sort of "Gazey" sort of way. Also a light touch of the arm when he says something funny or endearing will send shock-waves in him.

EDIT:- Just seen the replies here... Have I just crashed the official single girls night in front of the sofa watching Pretty Woman & Dirty Dancing :lol:
Thank you so much for the advice! It means a lot that someone took the time to read this and reply with some really useful suggestions. Definitely will consider trying out more clubs to meet new guys. Unfortunately I go to a really large sixth form so our 'common room' is essentially a huge canteen kind of area. It's a bit impersonal so talking to new people is pretty difficult However, if I do come across a guy that I'm attracted to then I will definitely be trying that arm thing - never done it before so hopefully it will have some sort of impact lol. And it does seem that most of the replies here so far are from girls like me . I guess that's just Valentine's day for you! Cheesy rom-coms are sometimes all you need to cure a lonely heart
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This won’t be helpful at all. But I’m the same, 17 in first year of college and not had my first kiss. Soooo ur not alone ig
Thank God I'm not alone! Let's hope things get better for us. Luckily we both have the rest of this year and the whole of next year to try things out
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Same im in first year of college too and literally can relate Ive never even got a hug from a guy let alone a first kiss
Thankfully I'm not alone then! Let's hope tings get better for us either this year or next xxx
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Awww you don’t sound desperate at all, I feel the same!! I guess we’re so occupied with college all the time that we probably don’t notice how much we desire a relationship, but on day like today we’re bound to over think it (especially since so many couples in my sixth form faves roses to one another and we’re really affection ) I’m sorry I can’t offer much advice as I’m quite inexperienced too, but I hope someone can help out and that you find Mr Right soon!! But at the same time, don’t allow yourself to feel pressured to keep up with your extroverted friends because these things happen naturally at different stages in our lives and I know it can get lonely if they talk about it often, but I guess it’s better to let it happen itself! xx
Aww this was such a sweet reply That giving out roses thing must've been really difficult to watch and not feel sad about, I really feel for you. You're right about trying to not feel pressured btw, reading these replies has made me realise I'm far from alone which is good to hear. And yeah, we'll all have our time one day or another Good luck to you too love, hang on in there! I'm sure it won't be long before someone comes along that you like xx
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Anonymous #5
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Take it from someone who’s about to turn 18 & is in their final year of a levels - this stuff really doesn’t matter as much as it probably feels like it does & more people than you think are feeling like this. This stuff used to be a big insecurity for me until I realised that I’m going to uni next year where there’s going to be a lot more mature boys and it’ll be easier for me to talk to them than the idiot boys at my school. My only advice would be to, if you don’t already, get a job where a bunch of other people your age tend to work -eg- JD, as for me this helped massively in meeting boys my age from different schools in my area and I almost had something serious with one of the boys I met but it all went a bit tits up . Good luck but never forget to prioritise yourself!!
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