Do old-school men still exist?

Disclaimer: I don’t mean to offend anyone and I apologise for generalising, but the following explanation is based on my own experiences.

I know I’m setting myself up for disappointment and some of you might say that my standards are too high and that I’m fantasising, but I would just love to have a partner or soulmate who is old-school e.g. they love going to bookstores, having coffee in a small cafe as opposed to Starbucks, we can go exploring in forests and hiking together, we listen to jazz music and 80s love songs on vinyls, etc, just because I’m really not a modern person (ironic since I’m on a phone rn haha). But anyway, I grew up in Birmingham and if I’m honest, most boys at my school and sixth form who I’ve met speak exactly the same and they use language which I barely understand most of the time, they don’t really seem interested in long term relationships, which I guess is arguably sensible at our age and idk they’re just very ‘down with the trends’. I guess it all stems from my fear that if I somehow get married in the future, my husband will leave me because everything seems so temporary nowadays, but decades ago marriages seemed a lot more solid and maybe there are some men out there of the same mindset? I’d just love to fall in love the old way - sending letters, randomly turning up with flowers to your door, sharing a picnic with a gorgeous sunset, etc.
I don’t know I think Valentine’s Day has made me go a little loopy, but I feel like these values are a dying breed.

Reply 1

0le

I think this is just a case of boys and hormones. As you grow older, you will meet men with, certainly more maturity but definitely more differences due to life experiences. You will never find the "perfect man" so tone down your expectation there but both people in a good relationship should be willing to compromise. So for example, he may not love hiking, but he will go on hikes every now and again for you.

The values you speak of aren't a dying breed, it is more that you are still in school and surrounded by young people who are going through puberty!

ooonnniioooooonn

I sounds like you are still at school. I also found that most people acted very similarly at school, and even if they had different interests, they still tried to be into the same stuff as everyone else to fit in. Things changed when I went to uni though - I met loads of people with very different views on life and were into all sorts of different stuff. Loads of my friends go hiking and do the stuff you describe with their parents, If you plan on going to uni, I'm sure you will find this too. If not, you can still find people who are into similar things to you by doing various extracurricular stuff.

Reply 4

StriderHort

I suspect an issue expecting school age boys to act like old school men is they don't know how to. Their attempts would likely be seen as ironically immature affectations.

Frankly the 'Old School Man' stereotype comes with a fair few drawbacks and attitudes we're hoping to leave in the past.

Reply 5

username402722

Original post by StriderHort

The old school man who dumps his wife for a younger woman when she is over 40 is an example of something we should leave behind. The old school man who treats women badly and as third class citizens. The old school man who only thinks of his desires and wants and never that of women, or at least treating them with respect.

Would you really want someone like Mr Boris Johnson?

Reply 6

Toscana

i dont consider myself old school but im a fan of long term relationships

Reply 7

Dunnig Kruger

Original post by Anonymous

The way I look at it is: how important is all this stuff? And are there any workarounds?
they love going to bookstores - go on your own. Reading books is something that you do on your own anyway. It's not like 2 people read the same book at the same time.

coffee in a small cafe as opposed to Starbucks - does it matter where you are? The main thing is that you are together in a place that you can talk with each other.

we can go exploring in forests and hiking together - go on your own or with other friends. Or eventually with your children. You can do your hobbies whilst he does his. As long as you get together often enough for quality time together it doesn't matter if you have separate hobbies. Having some personal space is fine in long term relationships.

listen to jazz music and 80s love songs on vinyls - you listen to your music in your car whilst he listens to his in his car. At home you sometimes listen to your music and sometimes to his.

they use language which I barely understand most of the time - as long as the message of what they're saying is good enough, it doesn't matter if someone has a different accent and way of speaking to you.

everything seems so temporary nowadays - if you love each other and you are compatible in the important things: sexually compatible, financially compatible, compatible in how you resolve conflict, compatible over your children then there's a good chance that you will be happy to stay with each other for a very long time.