Boyfriend close to another girl

Basically, I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 6 months and am completely in love. We met at uni, and are apart in the holidays. Hes in a brass band at home and they went to New York on a trip a couple of weeks ago. Hes friends with this one girl a few years younger than us. When at uni, she started sending him massive long messages on facebook, and he seemed to fine it annoying at first but was soon sending massive ones back. Now they've just got back from this "amazing" lifechanging trip, facebook is covered in photos of them together, there are loads of little in jokes between them.

I went to see him when he got back, and went bowling with some of his friends one night. The other girls he is friends with are lovely and talked to me, I made a special effort to talk to her as I was feeling a bit paranoid about her beforehand and wanted to convince myself I was being silly. He warned me she was shy but she didn't seem to be, shouting over other people in conversations, being all silly and giggly. When I talked to her, she said a couple of things them turned to the girl next to her and they walked off. She seemed to be making a real effort to talk to my boyfriend about their trip and music stuff I don't understand.

Am I being stupid? I feel trapped in a rubbish situation, I'm being eaten up by jelousy. I don't need to be really, I know he loves me. I'm fairly convinced she fancies him, I had that feeling before hand, just from her body language in photos and things like that I guess. He reckons I'm being silly. I really want him to cool his friendship with her, but I can't say that to him, I'm not being the silly controlling girlfriend, it has to be his own idea. But what can I do?

Please help.

Basically, I have been going out with my boyfriend for about 6 months and am completely in love. We met at uni, and are apart in the holidays. Hes in a brass band at home and they went to New York on a trip a couple of weeks ago. Hes friends with this one girl a few years younger than us. When at uni, she started sending him massive long messages on facebook, and he seemed to fine it annoying at first but was soon sending massive ones back. Now they've just got back from this "amazing" lifechanging trip, facebook is covered in photos of them together, there are loads of little in jokes between them.

I went to see him when he got back, and went bowling with some of his friends one night. The other girls he is friends with are lovely and talked to me, I made a special effort to talk to her as I was feeling a bit paranoid about her beforehand and wanted to convince myself I was being silly. He warned me she was shy but she didn't seem to be, shouting over other people in conversations, being all silly and giggly. When I talked to her, she said a couple of things them turned to the girl next to her and they walked off. She seemed to be making a real effort to talk to my boyfriend about their trip and music stuff I don't understand.

Am I being stupid? I feel trapped in a rubbish situation, I'm being eaten up by jelousy. I don't need to be really, I know he loves me. I'm fairly convinced she fancies him, I had that feeling before hand, just from her body language in photos and things like that I guess. He reckons I'm being silly. I really want him to cool his friendship with her, but I can't say that to him, I'm not being the silly controlling girlfriend, it has to be his own idea. But what can I do?

Please help.

I've been in a situation that was very similar to this in the past (actually it was significantly worse), and it was untenable. You have to act, not just hope it will go away.

First thing to do is to discuss this sensibly with your boyfriend. Explain that this girl's behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable and excluded, and that, though you trust your boyfriend absolutely, you would appreciate some reassurance. Be calm, not jealous.

If your boyfriend responds to that, great. If not, it sounds like he's trying to have his cake and eat it. Put it like this - if you're his (serious) girlfriend, you're supposed to be his priority over other female friends. No questions asked. If they're having all these amazing experiences together, you're being left out in the cold. Point this out calmly.

It's a really difficult situation, and it's difficult not to mentally compare yourself to your 'rival'. The main thing, though, is not to act hysterical and jealous, because that will be counterproductive. In the end, you might have to issue a 'Her or Me' ultimatum if his behaviour becomes unacceptable, but try talking it through first. Good luck!

I don't want to be the jelous girlfriend. I can't get to know her because I'll never get to see her. The one time I saw her I wanted to get to know her and she was really unfriendly! All his friends are nice people, I thought he was a good judge of character, but she seems to be a silly immature giggly girl who was downright mean to me!

I think that your boyfriend is the one you need to talk to. Don't 'confront' her, because the potential for it to go wrong is huge - either you'll say something you don't mean, or you'll be misinterpreted, and you'll sound like a nutter (which I assume you're not!)

The issue is not the fact that your boyfriend has a female friend. The issue is that your status as his "priority" is under threat if he has more/better social experiences with this girl than with you, and you are not in the wrong if you have a problem with that.