Wrong decision and relationship?

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Anonymous #1
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Back in 2018, I made some decisions which have not gone according to my wishes.

First decision was - I dumped my ex just because I was being petty and immature. That was my decision to do that. Now I regret acting like that towards her. I have a girlfriend now but I kinda rebounded I guess because I was familiar with her, she was a familiar person in an unknown land, my ego was bruised. I felt I didn't need my ex and could find better women than her. Initially in this relationship, I was happy thinking my girlfriend is better but gradually I noticed that shes not even 20% of what my ex was. Caring, reasonable, willing to understand and who loved me unconditionally. My girlfriend and I dont have that kind of attraction nor we have that sort of depth in our relationship. Shes fiercely superficial and our relationship is simply on the surface. No intensity, no depth. It's just sex, politics, a little bit of fun times like concerts and hiking and having the same clique of friends.

2nd decision was- I left London to go to Spain. This was decided after I dumped my ex. I wanted to move away and start fresh in a new place. I didnt even know spanish nor I had any interest in the culture. Even though I had many latin and spanish friends (my current gf is spanish and we began dating because I moved to spain), i was never keen into the language or culture. I thought I would live and work there but I couldn't get a job there. I thought I would never come back to London and stay in Spain. But I only got a volunteering job which I actually wanted to do, but I did for 3 months and I quit after that.
I was learning Spanish to get jobs but ultimately I couldn't do it so I quit the language class as well. The only job I got there was as a delivery boy.

Third decision was- I thought I would never return to London but my gf is still living in London and would not visit me on her own until she had breaks. We were largely long distance and I had to fly to see her. All my friends were still in london. I had no friends or anyone in Spain and nothing substantial was happening so I returned to London.

So far, all my decisions have gone wrong. I thought I would get a good job and get together with a better girl and live happily in Spain but turns out that my wishes didnt come true in a good way. I do miss my ex, I regret how I acted her and i also feel like i made some stupid decisions after my break up with her.

What should i do? My current gf is the last straw which is related to Spain or my decisions relating to Spain. Should I quit this relationship as well because my feelings or shall I say the intensity/attraction is a shadow of what I had for my ex.

Did I make a mistake? Please suggest.
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Virgo123
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Ur moving mad my friend, try and talk or meet up with your ex girlfriend solely based on, and I mean emphasis that you are meeting up to patch your friendship together, if she agrees make sure you don’t try anything, try and become friends again and explain that you were an *******, tell her that she was a friend before a lover and he will fight for their friendship try sound sincere, and with time try to not **** up and hang out a lot, do what you guys usually did and with time confess again
Last edited by Virgo123; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Virgo123)
Ur moving mad my friend, try and talk or meet up with your ex girlfriend solely based on, and I mean emphasis that you are meeting up to patch your friendship together, if she agrees make sure you don’t try anything, try and become friends again and explain that you were an *******, tell her that she was a friend before a lover and he will fight for their friendship try sound sincere, and with time try to not **** up and hang out a lot, do what you guys usually did and with time confess again
What does moving mad mean?
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Anonymous #2
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you've learnt a lot about relationships by your decision-making and regrets!

in fact you've learnt so much, you could probably teach us all about it....now you know what you want (unconditional, caring etc) and what to avoid (superficial etc)

now all you need is a bit of luck and your ex might take you back! If you show genuine remorse she'll quite probably forgive you...good luck
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Virgo123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What does moving mad mean?
it’s means that you have done a lot in such a short space of time, I mean moving to Spain is a huge commitment and then having a new girlfriend then wanting to breakup with the girlfriend coz she doesn’t match up to ur ex and then wanting to move back to London, you have impulses and follow without thoroughly thinking, I suggest you think about your decisions properly, and u will end up making less mistakes
Last edited by Virgo123; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you've learnt a lot about relationships by your decision-making and regrets!

in fact you've learnt so much, you could probably teach us all about it....now you know what you want (unconditional, caring etc) and what to avoid (superficial etc)

now all you need is a bit of luck and your ex might take you back! If you show genuine remorse she'll quite probably forgive you...good luck
(Original post by Virgo123)
it’s means that you have done a lot in such a short space of time, I mean moving to Spain is a huge commitment and then having a new girlfriend then wanting to breakup with the girlfriend coz she doesn’t match up to ur ex and then wanting to move back to London, you have impulses and follow without thoroughly thinking, I suggest you think about your decisions properly, and u will end up making less mistakes
Do you think I was right in all of these decisions???
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Virgo123
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I think you made a mistake by breaking up with your girlfriend, I don’t know what to say about the Spain decision, but what was definitely wrong was getting a girlfriend you know doesn’t match up to your ex and wasting time, you could have patched things up with her and probably been together again in that period of time
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NachiFlower
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I think u need to chill out on relationships for a moment. Focus on urself and what you want, take time to rethink ur decisions. Avoid making impulse decisions, avoid making decisions when u r mad and when excited, u need to have a clear mind when u make certain decisions. Now that u know what u want, if u don't see any future with your current girl, break it off but don't rush for ur ex or anyone. take time to heal, know what u want in a relationship, there is so much more beneath attraction, if you believe in God, say a little prayer asking for direction. And when u r healed, u can start intentionally for the one. It doesn't have to be your ex, just have a standard and qualities u r looking for, study someone before commiting, go on dates and do all things u do when trying to know someone....
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you think I was right in all of these decisions???
someone vastly, infinitely wiser than me asked me if "being right" is important to me...(and why)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NachiFlower)
I think u need to chill out on relationships for a moment. Focus on urself and what you want, take time to rethink ur decisions. Avoid making impulse decisions, avoid making decisions when u r mad and when excited, u need to have a clear mind when u make certain decisions. Now that u know what u want, if u don't see any future with your current girl, break it off but don't rush for ur ex or anyone. take time to heal, know what u want in a relationship, there is so much more beneath attraction, if you believe in God, say a little prayer asking for direction. And when u r healed, u can start intentionally for the one. It doesn't have to be your ex, just have a standard and qualities u r looking for, study someone before commiting, go on dates and do all things u do when trying to know someone....
(Original post by Virgo123)
I think you made a mistake by breaking up with your girlfriend, I don’t know what to say about the Spain decision, but what was definitely wrong was getting a girlfriend you know doesn’t match up to your ex and wasting time, you could have patched things up with her and probably been together again in that period of time
(Original post by Anonymous)
someone vastly, infinitely wiser than me asked me if "being right" is important to me...(and why)
I'm just upset at my decisions tbh.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Shes fiercely superficial and our relationship is simply on the surface. No intensity, no depth. It's just sex, politics, a little bit of fun times like concerts and hiking and having the same clique of friends.

The sex and going hiking and to the odd concert sounds like a firm enough foundation to me.
You can't get a deeper interpersonal connection between 2 people than making love with someone.

Can you expand on why you're not happy with your Spanish girlfriend?
She sounds lovely to me - from your brief description.
Is she uncaring, unreasonable, and selfish? If so, how so?

Don't feel regret about the last 3 years. You've had more of a James Bond lifestyle than most of your peers.

You don't have to stick with Spanish GF all your life. You can dump her any time that suits you. And move on to Girlfriend Number 3.
No thank you. I'm not interested in answering to somebody who has such a simplistic and naive approach to love.
And why should I move to girlfriend number 3? I ve already stated a few things about my entire decision making reason and yet you are advising me to move on to girl number 3?

I ve read your other responses on various threads and you seem to change everyone and then? Sometimes "making love" is a weak foundation and sometimes it's the most "interpersonal thing ever".

I ve not lived a James Bond life so dont try to rub salt in my wounds.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Virgo123)
it’s means that you have done a lot in such a short space of time, I mean moving to Spain is a huge commitment and then having a new girlfriend then wanting to breakup with the girlfriend coz she doesn’t match up to ur ex and then wanting to move back to London, you have impulses and follow without thoroughly thinking, I suggest you think about your decisions properly, and u will end up making less mistakes
I agree. All these decisions were made on a whim. I was really angry at my ex and felt like I just wanted to move away. Thought would move on and wouldnt come back. But look who's back here.. for whatever reason..
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No thank you. I'm not interested in answering to somebody who has such a simplistic and naive approach to love.
And why should I move to girlfriend number 3? I ve already stated a few things about my entire decision making reason and yet you are advising me to move on to girl number 3?

I ve read your other responses on various threads and you seem to change everyone and then? Sometimes "making love" is a weak foundation and sometimes it's the most "interpersonal thing ever".

I ve not lived a James Bond life so dont try to rub salt in my wounds.
Do you feel better for making this post that has upset me, when I was only trying my best to help you?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Do you feel better for making this post that has upset me, when I was only trying my best to help you?
I dont care. You are not trying to help me. You conveniently overlooked my feelings and emotions, trashed them in a bin and started giving your terrible advice on how I ve lived a James Bond lifestyle and how I should move to girl 3. What is in my thread that looks like Bond?
My entire thread revolves around a string of bad decisions I made after I left my ex and I mentioned how different my feelings were for her. You are like oh who cares your current girlfriend is lovely or just dump her and move to girl 3.
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ageshallnot
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Do you feel better for making this post that has upset me, when I was only trying my best to help you?
You shouldn't get upset. Looks like the ex gf had a lucky escape...
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
You shouldn't get upset. Looks like the ex gf had a lucky escape...
Thank-you for your kind words.

I'd have to be a robot to not get upset by the OP's response to me in this thread.

All I can say is that I hope that he feels better for saying what he's said in this thread.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
Thank-you for your kind words.

I'd have to be a robot to not get upset by the OP's response to me in this thread.

All I can say is that I hope that he feels better for saying what he's said in this thread.
Nice victim game. I said nothing to you. You came and started it. You obviously dont understand people's emotions hence you are making such statements. Why dont you explain what is Bondesque in my thread?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
You shouldn't get upset. Looks like the ex gf had a lucky escape...
You guys love to play victims dont you.
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ageshallnot
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You guys love to play victims dont you.
Your reaction is completely unwarranted. I suggest you re-read the whole thread and compare the wistful tone of your original post with the irrational aggression of your response to Dunnig. That's why I think your ex had a lucky escape.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ageshallnot)
Your reaction is completely unwarranted. I suggest you re-read the whole thread and compare the wistful tone of your original post with the irrational aggression of your response to Dunnig. That's why I think your ex had a lucky escape.
Did you read what Dunig said? I'm already feeling terrible over my decisions and he has been zuggestingbto move to girl 3. Then calls my life James Bond style. My thread isn't a joke
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