I'm so upset with life

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TSR199103.
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So I'm Muslim and 19 and in our religion we aren't allowed to date and if my family found out they would kill me. I met a guy online (through TSR actually but long ago, if I mentioned his name alot of you would know him) and we had been speaking for very long getting into relationships on and off. He lives in scotland and I live in London. I was willing to give up everything- religion, my own family and I was even saving up money in my current job to live with him in scotland after University. I loved him, ofc I did if I was willing to give up so much stuff for him. He had already upset me in the past because last time we had an online relationship because of his own insecurities he tested me after we told each other we liked each other in the sense he played on my insecurities and mental health issues by trying to pull me away from him. I dumped him then beacuse if you truly like someone you wouldn't do something that low. I cried for days non-stop and would do no studying, it made my mental health issues even worse.

And you know what's the worst, a few months laters I begged to take me back...he apologised many times and I gave him another chance. And guess what after a few months of dating he did it again and I want you guys to tell me whose fault it is. So we were joking around on text and I said as a joke me and X celebrity are very happy together. He replies with i'if i said the same about me and some girl you'd probably go nuts' then I said it's just a celeb crush and I was joking anyway. He says if you have someone I don't understand why you'd want to be with anyone celeb or not. I said as a joke if any of my celeb crushes would date me in the first place and what did he say 'I'm breaking up with you, go ahead and know those celebs'.
Firstly, I never said that I want to get with them over him, all I said was I have a celeb crush and even if I had feelings I would never act on them anyway. I was devastated, after giving up so much (religion and family etc) to be with him and then a small thing like this is all it takes for him to break up with me- that was where the problem was. We argued for ages and he tells me I'm just like his ex-gf because I said he gives controlling/possessive vibes. He apologizes again and said I should have never gotten into a relationship with you because of my own insecurities and flaws. That moment I cried non-stop (a few days ago this happened), I love this guy. If you truly care about someone given the context you wouldn't break up with them over something like this.

Now please tell me whose fault it was. I don't want anyone to sugar-coat anything for me, tell me harshly. Was I stupid for giving him another chance? Yes.

I have applications to give in, already missed one of them because of how hurt I was. I'm suffering with severe BD and anxiety, my family do not care about me as it is and I have absolute no one to talk to about my problems, I have an application deadline is today but I can't even get myself to revise for it.
I don't know what to do

Edit: I broke up with him for good this time and told him I don't even want to stay friends. We had a crazy amount in common but once again he broke me fair play to him.
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TSR199103.
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Pathway
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(Original post by TSR199103.)
So I'm Muslim and 19 and in our religion we aren't allowed to date and if my family found out they would kill me. I met a guy online and we had been speaking for very long getting into relationships on and off. He lives in Ireland and I live in London. I was willing to give up everything- religion, my own family and I was even saving up money in my current job to live with him in Ireland after University. I loved him, ofc I did if I was willing to give up so much stuff for him. He had already upset me in the past because last time we had an online relationship because of his own insecurities he tested me after we told each other we liked each other in the sense he played on my insecurities and mental health issues by trying to pull me away from him. I dumped him then beacuse if you truly like someone you wouldn't do something that low. I cried for days non-stop and would do no studying, it made my mental health issues even worse.

And you know what's the worst, a few months laters I begged to take me back...he apologised many times and I gave him another chance. And guess what after a few months of dating he did it again and I want you guys to tell me whose fault it is. So we were joking around on text and I said as a joke me and X celebrity are very happy together. He replies with i'if i said the same about me and some girl you'd probably go nuts' then I said it's just a celeb crush and I was joking anyway. He says if you have someone I don't understand why you'd want to be with anyone celeb or not. I said as a joke if any of my celeb crushes would date me in the first place and what did he say 'I'm breaking up with you, go ahead and know those celebs'.
Firstly, I never said that I want to get with them over him, all I said was I have a celeb crush and even if I had feelings I would never act on them anyway. I was devastated, after giving up so much (religion and family etc) to be with him and then a small thing like this is all it takes for him to break up with me- that was where the problem was. We argued for ages and he tells me I'm just like his ex-gf because I said he guves controlling/possessive vibes. He apologisises again and said I should have never gotten into a relatioshio with you because of my own insecurities and flaws. That moment I cried non-stop (a few days ago this happened), I love this guy. If you truly care about someone given the context you wouldn't break up with them over something like this.
Now please tell me whose fault it was
I have applications to give in, already missed one of them because of how hurt I was. I'm suffering with severe BD and anxiety, my family do not care about me as it is and I have absolute no one to talk to about my problems, I have an application deadline is today but I can't even get myself to revise for it.
I don't know what to do
Hi OP.

Sounds like you have a lot going on.

Couple of things, who do you have supporting you currently? Are you in university at the moment? If you are it might be worth accessing your university's student support department and getting some support from them. In that same vein, it would also be a good idea to see your GP as well if you haven't already.

Regarding this issue with your boyfriend, I think he's quite immature and insecure and tbh I don't think this relationship is salvageable. I'm really sorry you're hurting so much from this, relationships can be very tricky to deal with. Please try and reach out to someone. If you want to talk, you're welcome to drop me a message and I will try to help or listen. You're not alone.
Last edited by Interrobang; 1 month ago
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я люблю собак
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oh honey dont give up! what you're experiencing is only temporary. you're so young and have so, so many years ahead to worry about these things.
I'm also 19 and although I'm not Muslim I'm strict Christian and my parents also never allowed me to date. a few months back I decided to start seeing someone who didnt want me to do long distance and so I missed my application hand in dates for uni. meaning next year I wont be able to go and study..all for a guy I ended up breaking up with anyways because he didn't respect my religious boundaries

But girl! it works out. you'll find motivation to meet those deadlines, And worst case you wait until the next available date, even if it's in a years time (which is what I'm doing)

Things will work out. you've got so many years to meet so many amzing people and optuntiies. Do not give up! and no it's absolutely not your fault. Take some time for yourself to recover. it's okay to reach out for help and to not follow a direct path like meeting deadlines if you're going through this.
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TSR199103.
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(Original post by Pathway)
Hi OP.

Sounds like you have a lot going on.

Couple of things, who do you have supporting you currently? Are you in university at the moment? If you are it might be worth accessing your university's student support department and getting some support from them. In that same vein, it would also be a good idea to see your GP as well if you haven't already.

Regarding this issue with your boyfriend, I think he's quite immature and insecure and tbh I don't think this relationship is salvageable. I'm really sorry you're hurting so much from this, relationships can be very tricky to deal with. Please try and reach out to someone. If you want to talk, you're welcome to drop me a message and I will try to help or listen. You're not alone.
Thank you
I am currently in a gap year but because of what I've been going through and with my now ex-bf I have missed out on some apprenticeship applications

It always seems to be my fault when I argue with someone so I blame myself. This was my first relationship too, I met him on TSR initially.
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Johnny Tightlips
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(Original post by TSR199103.)
So I'm Muslim and 19 and in our religion we aren't allowed to date and if my family found out they would kill me. I met a guy online and we had been speaking for very long getting into relationships on and off. He lives in Ireland and I live in London. I was willing to give up everything- religion, my own family and I was even saving up money in my current job to live with him in Ireland after University. I loved him, ofc I did if I was willing to give up so much stuff for him. He had already upset me in the past because last time we had an online relationship because of his own insecurities he tested me after we told each other we liked each other in the sense he played on my insecurities and mental health issues by trying to pull me away from him. I dumped him then beacuse if you truly like someone you wouldn't do something that low. I cried for days non-stop and would do no studying, it made my mental health issues even worse.

And you know what's the worst, a few months laters I begged to take me back...he apologised many times and I gave him another chance. And guess what after a few months of dating he did it again and I want you guys to tell me whose fault it is. So we were joking around on text and I said as a joke me and X celebrity are very happy together. He replies with i'if i said the same about me and some girl you'd probably go nuts' then I said it's just a celeb crush and I was joking anyway. He says if you have someone I don't understand why you'd want to be with anyone celeb or not. I said as a joke if any of my celeb crushes would date me in the first place and what did he say 'I'm breaking up with you, go ahead and know those celebs'.
Firstly, I never said that I want to get with them over him, all I said was I have a celeb crush and even if I had feelings I would never act on them anyway. I was devastated, after giving up so much (religion and family etc) to be with him and then a small thing like this is all it takes for him to break up with me- that was where the problem was. We argued for ages and he tells me I'm just like his ex-gf because I said he guves controlling/possessive vibes. He apologisises again and said I should have never gotten into a relatioshio with you because of my own insecurities and flaws. That moment I cried non-stop (a few days ago this happened), I love this guy. If you truly care about someone given the context you wouldn't break up with them over something like this.
Now please tell me whose fault it was
I have applications to give in, already missed one of them because of how hurt I was. I'm suffering with severe BD and anxiety, my family do not care about me as it is and I have absolute no one to talk to about my problems, I have an application deadline is today but I can't even get myself to revise for it.
I don't know what to do
Jeez, Islam sucks.
He took the celebrity thing far too personally, that's not your fault at all. It just seems he's quite insecure about himself.

It's such a shame that because of your parents it's "all or nothing". Ideally you'd get to know him better, go out with him and see what happens. I think it's clear you both like each other but it's unclear if it would work out in a long-term relationship.
Could you maybe say to your parents you're going on a university trip or something? Then visit him
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TSR199103.
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(Original post by я люблю собак)
oh honey dont give up! what you're experiencing is only temporary. you're so young and have so, so many years ahead to worry about these things.
I'm also 19 and although I'm not Muslim I'm strict Christian and my parents also never allowed me to date. a few months back I decided to start seeing someone who didnt want me to do long distance and so I missed my application hand in dates for uni. meaning next year I wont be able to go and study..all for a guy I ended up breaking up with anyways because he didn't respect my religious boundaries

But girl! it works out. you'll find motivation to meet those deadlines, And worst case you wait until the next available date, even if it's in a years time (which is what I'm doing)

Things will work out. you've got so many years to meet so many amzing people and optuntiies. Do not give up! and no it's absolutely not your fault. Take some time for yourself to recover. it's okay to reach out for help and to not follow a direct path like meeting deadlines if you're going through this.
Maybe my family are right when they tell me never to marry or date someone non-muslim they'll leave you just like that
and thanks
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TSR199103.
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(Original post by Johnny Tightlips)
Jeez, Islam sucks.
He took the celebrity thing far too personally, that's not your fault at all. It just seems he's quite insecure about himself.

It's such a shame that because of your parents it's "all or nothing". Ideally you'd get to know him better, go out with him and see what happens. I think it's clear you both like each other but it's unclear if it would work out in a long-term relationship.
Could you maybe say to your parents you're going on a university trip or something? Then visit him
And he dared to say I'm just like other woman and his ex-gf

we've broken up now for good, he broke me inside, guess he got what he wanted all along
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Pathway
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(Original post by TSR199103.)
Thank you
I am currently in a gap year but because of what I've been going through and with my now ex-bf I have missed out on some apprenticeship applications

It always seems to be my fault when I argue with someone so I blame myself. This was my first relationship too, I met him on TSR initially.
I don't think it's your fault, people often don't want to take responsibility for what they've done wrong. A lot of people are immature in this way. Don't take responsibility for something you have not done. Ironically, I had a very similar argument with my ex a few years ago now, and looking back I am glad I moved on. It was a toxic relationship for us both. Work on healing yourself. You are important.

Regaring "never date a non-muslim, they'll leave you just like that" - I don't think that's true. Don't tar a huge group of people with the same brush just because your first relationship wasn't very healthy. Grieve it and try to move on.
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Johnny Tightlips
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(Original post by TSR199103.)
And he dared to say I'm just like other woman and his ex-gf

we've broken up now for good, he broke me inside, guess he got what he wanted all along
Ah ok, fair enough.
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AmberDalia
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You fell in love with someone over the Internet without ever meeting them? For all you know this guy wasn't even a guy and if he was, was probably talking to a magnitude of other girls.
He lived in Ireland? Where you prepared to move there?

Sorry it never worked out but it was likely. Try to move on and take up some extra curricular activities and meet people in real life. Go to uni and excel and maybe you will meet someone there.

Have u broke off ties with your family? They probably only wanted what's best for you and I don't think they would have killed you if they find out you were in a relationship. Talk to them, the culture they grew up in is a lot different to what you grew up in.

You are worth more than any boy and will look back in the future and laugh at this. Wish you the best ☺️☺️
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TSR199103.
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(Original post by AmberDalia)
You fell in love with someone over the Internet without ever meeting them? For all you know this guy wasn't even a guy and if he was, was probably talking to a magnitude of other girls.
He lived in Ireland? Where you prepared to move there?

Sorry it never worked out but it was likely. Try to move on and take up some extra curricular activities and meet people in real life. Go to uni and excel and maybe you will meet someone there.

Have u broke off ties with your family? They probably only wanted what's best for you and I don't think they would have killed you if they find out you were in a relationship. Talk to them, the culture they grew up in is a lot different to what you grew up in.

You are worth more than any boy and will look back in the future and laugh at this. Wish you the best ☺️☺️
This was alot deeper, I have never had so much in common with someone, my personality is very specific and he was the male version of me. Nah we was a guy, we spoke on instagram, on whatsapp we would speak on audio, he would send videos of himself to me and vice versa. I would never ever give up so much for a guy over the internet if he wasn't very special. But its over now

I'm in a gap year atm

Our culture is the worst...trust me I cannot say over the internet the things they've done
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AmberDalia
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(Original post by TSR199103.)
This was alot deeper, I have never had so much in common with someone, my personality is very specific and he was the male version of me. Nah we was a guy, we spoke on instagram, on whatsapp we would speak on audio, he would send videos of himself to me and vice versa. I would never ever give up so much for a guy over the internet if he wasn't very special. But its over now

I'm in a gap year atm

Our culture is the worst...trust me I cannot say over the internet the things they've done
Still some people over the Internet and shady and very good with their words so you can't fully trust them.
Oh well, just block him on everything and move on now.
Yh culture does get mixed up with Islam a lot. I hope you come back to Islam Inshallah and you are able to find happiness again ❤️
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TSR199103.
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(Original post by AmberDalia)
Still some people over the Internet and shady and very good with their words so you can't fully trust them.
Oh well, just block him on everything and move on now.
Yh culture does get mixed up with Islam a lot. I hope you come back to Islam Inshallah and you are able to find happiness again ❤️
That is true...online persona can be deceiving, how would you know you'll like them irl if its their line persona you fell in love with
I can't block him, I can't get myself to do it, I want him to come running back to me like I have to him
Idk about Islam, I'm not sure if I believe so that's a seperate situation
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Poooky
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Oh girl, sorry you're hurting so much There's not much(/anything) one can say to make you feel better at the moment, but love is one of the challenges life throws at us

(Original post by TSR199103.)
I can't block him, I can't get myself to do it, I want him to come running back to me like I have to him
He probably will, but you need to decide whether that would be any good for either of you - is this arguing inevitable? Are you really suited, despite having lots in common?
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(Original post by TSR199103.)
That is true...online persona can be deceiving, how would you know you'll like them irl if its their line persona you fell in love with
I can't block him, I can't get myself to do it, I want him to come running back to me like I have to him
Idk about Islam, I'm not sure if I believe so that's a seperate situation
You don't want him to come back to you after he did all that he could do a lot worse.
It will be upsetting but the longer you leave it the harder it will be.
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In Shia Islam you are allowed to date by doing Nikah Mutah, temporary marriage. It was allowed in Islam by the Prophet but was banned by Umar, who Shia does not accept as an Islamic leader.
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TSR199103.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In Shia Islam you are allowed to date by doing Nikah Mutah, temporary marriage. It was allowed in Islam by the Prophet but was banned by Umar, who Shia does not accept as an Islamic leader.
I'm sunni not shia
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(Original post by TSR199103.)
I'm sunni not shia
Your loss lol. Temporary marriage was literally ruled as halal by the Prophet himself and remained halal for all Muslims while he was alive. I don’t see the point of having a relationship with someone on the other side of the country anyways. I’m sure London is full of men
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TSR199103.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Your loss lol. Temporary marriage was literally ruled as halal by the Prophet himself and remained halal for all Muslims while he was alive. I don’t see the point of having a relationship with someone on the other side of the country anyways. I’m sure London is full of men
he was really special, he had so much in common to me and I'm not talking about the things that you can have common with many guys as in good banter, similar humour etc its much more than that but I don't want to say. I hardly doubt there will be guys like him in London
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