Can I stay with my boyfriend after he raped me?

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я люблю собак
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Recently I asked for advice on a situation regarding my boyfriend and weather or not he raped me. I wasn't sure how to process what had happened and everyone that commented was ever so helpful in helping me come to accept that yes, he did rape me. He did so unintentionally and remorcufully but he still broke my trust and took something from me that he knew full well wasn't his to take. He is sorry and I'm not angry. If anything I feel very numb. I cant sleep or eat. I called in sick to work the next day because I needed time to figure this out, and I never take time off work, even when I'm sick. We work together btw and because I was still bleeding 48 hours later and was taking so long to escape denial that it happened, I needed time away from him. this included all contact.

I feel very betrayed. I honestly thought this was the one person who would respect the one boundary I ever set (no sex due to religion) and he promised me he was okay with this. I told him to be careful at the time, a few times actually when I thought he was getting a bit carried away and he promised he would be careful and wouldn't go any further... and then he did it anyway.

I didn't want to ask anything further regarding this because i know no one can give me the answer. But I can't figure out what to do. I have no support at home, no family or friends I can reach out to. The numbness I feel is making deciding what to do very difficult.
Any advice would be helpful. I dont expect answers just some support I guess? I dont have anywhere else to go.
if we break up I have to work with him and another thing is it's very *****y where we work so everyone would be all talk and I cant tell anyone the reason I ended things was because he raped me. I dont want to report him or get him in any trouble. He knows what he did and regrets it. I love him and I can't bring myself to end things but I'm worried that's only because he's been the only one supporting me while my home situation has been severely bad. College is no better either.
the situation is so hard because we work together and I feel like im being forced to lose something because he did something stupid.

if we stay together, I do not trust him anymore to engage in any kind of intimacy. And if he couldn't respect the big boundary before, even with the other intamacy to make up for it, then I doubt it'll work without any of it, if he couldnt even stop himself from going too far when he already had it. if that makes sense.

Idk. I'm really stuck. Thanks for reading if you made it this far though.
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by я люблю собак)
REcently I asked for advice on a situation regarding my boyfriend and weather or not he raped me. I wasn't sure how to process what had happened and everyone that commented was ever so helpful in helping me come to accept that yes, he did rape me. He did so unintentionally and remorcufully but he still broke my trust and took something from me that he knew full well wasn't his to take. He is sorry and I'm not angry. If anything I feel very numb. I cant sleep or eat. I called in sick to work the next day because I needed time to figure this out, and I never take time off work, even when I'm sick. We work together btw and because I was still bleeding 48 hours later and was taking so long to escape denial that it happened, I needed time away from him. this included all contact.

I feel very betrayed. I honestly thought this was the one person who would respect the one boundary I ever set (no sex due to religion) and he promised me he was okay with this. I told him to be careful at the time, a few times actually when I thought he was getting a bit carried away and he promised he would be careful and wouldn't go any further... and then he did it anyway.

I didn't want to ask anything further regarding this because i know no one can give me the answer. But I can't figure out what to do. I have no support at home, no family or friends I can reach out to. The numbness I feel is making deciding what to do very difficult.
Any advice would be helpful. I dont expect answers just some support I guess? I dont have anywhere else to go.
if we break up I have to work with him and another thing is it's very *****y where we work so everyone would be all talk and I cant tell anyone the reason I ended things was because he raped me. I dont want to report him or get him in any trouble. He knows what he did and regrets it. I love him and I can't bring myself to end things but I'm worried that's only because he's been the only one supporting me while my home situation has been severely bad. College is no better either.
the situation is so hard because we work together and I feel like im being forced to lose something because he did something stupid.

if we stay together, I do not trust him anymore to engage in any kind of intimacy. And if he couldn't respect the big boundary before, even with the other intamacy to make up for it, then I doubt it'll work without any of it, if he couldnt even stop himself from going too far when he already had it. if that makes sense.

Idk. I'm really stuck. Thanks for reading if you made it this far though.
If he raped you, move on.
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Wired_1800
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londonmyst
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kekedoyouloveme?
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okay listen this is destroying you man how could you trust him again? has he even showed remorse, has he even come by to check up on you or anything? are you afraid of him? because if you are you have to move on and I know it's so sad but from what I'm reading you seem absolutely numb and theres a hint of fear and anxiety, I don't think this is something you can move past and it sounds painful but you're in so much pain and if you're still avoiding him, you need to continue on doing so.

Live life, you need time to heal from this it sounds deeply traumatic, and only time can heal you... when you're ready you'll fall in love w a bloke who will respect you regardless, and wouldn't hurt you like this ;/

Again this is up to you x
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I raped my girlfriend and she forgave me.
you're vile
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syrialove1981
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I raped my girlfriend and she forgave me.
Wtf is wrong with you
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
you're vile
Just being honest. We do make mistake Yano.
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londonmyst
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Do not allow a rapist any place in your life or future.
You need to put a lot of distance between yourself and this guy.
For your own safety, sanity and peace of mind.

Have you been to a hospital or sexual health clinic for a checkup?
If not, you need to consider going for tests as soon as possible.
To make sure that you are healthy and not suffering any internal injuries as a result of his actions.

I walked out on an std infected ex because his sordid little hobbies disgusted me to the point that I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him.
Six years later, I still feel the same way.
He can choose to wreck his own life and health.
But I won't allow him any further opportunities to harm mine.
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I raped my girlfriend and she forgave me.
You're sick
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я люблю собак
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
okay listen this is destroying you man how could you trust him again? has he even showed remorse, has he even come by to check up on you or anything? are you afraid of him? because if you are you have to move on and I know it's so sad but from what I'm reading you seem absolutely numb and theres a hint of fear and anxiety, I don't think this is something you can move past and it sounds painful but you're in so much pain and if you're still avoiding him, you need to continue on doing so.

Live life, you need time to heal from this it sounds deeply traumatic, and only time can heal you... when you're ready you'll fall in love w a bloke who will respect you regardless, and wouldn't hurt you like this ;/

Again this is up to you x
He's messaged me a lot to tell me hes sorry, he understands if I need time or if I want to end things. He reminds me he loves me. Which I think is making it harder.

I dont think I'm afraid of him. One of the things I loved about him was how sweet and considerate he was. the night it happened was valentine's and it was my first ever valentine's day tbh. I spent a month painting a picture of spiderman for him because he asked me to make him another marvel drawing and the pure love and excitement after he saw it was what got him so carried away I think. And its things like that, all the time I've put into making him happy and the little things hes Does for me, like coming to see me on long college breaks on his days off work that make it so hard to be angry and to come to terms with that this isn't going to work is it?
the trust is gone and now I've lost two things that had meaning. My innocence and the one I love. Am I holding on to him so don't feel like I've lost eveything?
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(Original post by я люблю собак)
He's messaged me a lot to tell me hes sorry, he understands if I need time or if I want to end things. He reminds me he loves me. Which I think is making it harder.

I dont think I'm afraid of him. One of the things I loved about him was how sweet and considerate he was. the night it happened was valentine's and it was my first ever valentine's day tbh. I spent a month painting a picture of spiderman for him because he asked me to make him another marvel drawing and the pure love and excitement after he saw it was what got him so carried away I think. And its things like that, all the time I've put into making him happy and the little things hes Does for me, like coming to see me on long college breaks on his days off work that make it so hard to be angry and to come to terms with that this isn't going to work is it?
the trust is gone and now I've lost two things that had meaning. My innocence and the one I love. Am I holding on to him so don't feel like I've lost eveything?
Take advice from a man. We all make mistakes. What matters is he knows not to do it again. You can build trust again.
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Pathway
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I mean you can, but personally, if I was in the same scenario, I wouldn't. He's broken a boundary with no care for you and sounds manipulative, I imagine this will only get worse tbh. I wouldn't stay with him. But this is up to you, this is your choice.

Seek some professional support. There are various charities that you can go to, Rape Crisis being one of them. You don't have to report him if you don't want to, but I do suggest you seek help anyway.

I am truly sorry this happened to you.
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я люблю собак
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Do not allow a rapist any place in your life or future.
You need to put a lot of distance between yourself and this guy.
For your own safety, sanity and peace of mind.

Have you been to a hospital or sexual health clinic for a checkup?
If not, you need to consider going for tests as soon as possible.
To make sure that you are healthy and not suffering any internal injuries as a result of his actions.

I walked out on an std infected ex because his sordid little hobbies disgusted me to the point that I couldn't bear to be in the same room as him.
Six years later, I still feel the same way.
He can choose to wreck his own life and health.
But I won't allow him any further opportunities to harm mine.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you're okay.

and no I haven't seen any doctors. I probably should. he didn't use any form of protection which is another thing thay hurt me. I'm not on any contraception obviously because I wasnt planning on ever having sex.

It's hard to get appointments where I live, it's a craft area with only one clinic so getting appointments could take months but maybe I should try like you suggested.
should it still be bleeding three days later? I'm so unaware to all of these things.
And given that we work together thats the hardest part I think. If I end things and all contact, we still work together and people will ask why things needed. I never imagined being in this position would ever happen.
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by я люблю собак)
He's messaged me a lot to tell me hes sorry, he understands if I need time or if I want to end things. He reminds me he loves me. Which I think is making it harder.

I dont think I'm afraid of him. One of the things I loved about him was how sweet and considerate he was. the night it happened was valentine's and it was my first ever valentine's day tbh. I spent a month painting a picture of spiderman for him because he asked me to make him another marvel drawing and the pure love and excitement after he saw it was what got him so carried away I think. And its things like that, all the time I've put into making him happy and the little things hes Does for me, like coming to see me on long college breaks on his days off work that make it so hard to be angry and to come to terms with that this isn't going to work is it?
the trust is gone and now I've lost two things that had meaning. My innocence and the one I love. Am I holding on to him so don't feel like I've lost eveything?
Oh okay, sorry I was just assuming things x

I think first of all, try and get things from his perspective and talk it out, that's so important not just him apologising because its all well and good to apologise but talk about it, listen to what he has to say ask him why he did what he did, maybe you'll see his underlying love for you I know it won't justify what he did but it might make things easier for you to decide whether or not you can live and let live and forgive and move on and if his side of the story is good enough, you have to take a few months space perhaps or a few weeks speak to him ab that he should be understanding of that, tell him he has to build his trust up again, if you think he is capable of building his trust... He has to earn it and it might take long and he needs to know that but this is YOUR decision.

If he understands everything and everything is cleared up you can finally get some closure i hope this helps
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I raped my girlfriend and she forgave me.
not exactly going for a grammy award or the worlds greatest boyfriend are you but then again ig you're just being honest and you're very very lucky to have been forgiven may god bless her
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Lilli22
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Take advice from a man. We all make mistakes. What matters is he knows not to do it again. You can build trust again.
Yes, it's a lot easier to say these things when YOU were the abuser.
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
not exactly going for a grammy award or the worlds greatest boyfriend are you but then again ig you're just being honest and you're very very lucky to have been forgiven may god bless her
yes god bless her indeed, she's going out with an absolute imp
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Anonymous #4
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the fact that you have to ask means you don't see what he did as being a big deal

its a deal breaker for the average woman
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
yes god bless her indeed, she's going out with an absolute imp
sorry u wo8 😂😭 an absolute imp?

yh you're not exactly a charmer are you if you go around raping your gf like its one of your proudest moments

**** i messaged the wrong SMHHH sorrryyyy
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londonmyst
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(Original post by я люблю собак)
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you're okay.

and no I haven't seen any doctors. I probably should. he didn't use any form of protection which is another thing thay hurt me. I'm not on any contraception obviously because I wasnt planning on ever having sex.

It's hard to get appointments where I live, it's a craft area with only one clinic so getting appointments could take months but maybe I should try like you suggested.
should it still be bleeding three days later? I'm so unaware to all of these things.
And given that we work together thats the hardest part I think. If I end things and all contact, we still work together and people will ask why things needed. I never imagined being in this position would ever happen.
You can also get free specialist advice from the Rape Crisis helpline on 0808 802 9999.
They won't ask your name and may be able to refer you to a local sexual health centre.
Their helpline is open between 12:00 -14:30 and 19:00 - 21:30 every day.

You shouldn't still be bleeding after three days.
If the blood loss is heavy or you are in a lot of pain, you can go to your nearest A&E.

My health is fine, I wasn't so lucky not to catch anything.
Hopefully you will be physically ok too.
Good luck!
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