Best friend ruining his life?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
My best friend has a really disappointing friend circle which is clearly hindering his personal growth and behaviour. Hes 24 years old. People in his group range from 20-24.

The group he chooses to stay in is comprised of extreme hard left student activists at his university who are known to bully and harass people who dont share their views. They have done several questionable things including attacking tutors or other students (Jewish students in particular). He has even started dating a girl from this group. Earlier, he was friends with benefits with another girl. So basically his friends are weird.

One friend got suspended for attacking students who didnt agree with his views and was not allowed to graduate. Another friend somehow graduated but rarely used the library and always had late summer essay submissions. One of his "good friends" didnt graduate and had late essay submissions as well but the university cut access to his VLE/BLE so he was begging around for essay topics and reading lists

His "girlfriend" spends half of her time playing drums around the city at protests,involving herself in unions, is good friends with the friend who was suspended and kicked out from college, going to concerts and never coming to university. Gets things done either late or last minute. This girl is also quite conceited and is BFFs with his FWB.

His other friends who graduated are unemployed and have no desire to get any jobs. All they do is spend protesting. His ex FWB managed to finish her BA and MSC degrees but she is also struggling for a job due to her extremist personality (this she stated because the prime reason she was rejected for jobs was how strong she was coming across during interviews) and mostly spends time in the university library.

In short, these people are incredibly toxic. My friend is a very intelligent guy. Tutors liked him and he was good in his studies. He was also a research scholar for 1 year and he loves to read and do research. He has so much potential but for the last 4 years, he has done nothing. He graduated in 2016 but is still unemployed. The prime reason being his association with this group. These people are his only "friends" other than me. I wouldnt even call them friends as they like him am because he acts like hes one of them. They actually hate his country of origin and are borderline hateful of his community as well.

Is there any hope for him? Should I introduce him to new girls because I honestly feel that the only way he will separate himself is when he gets a girlfriend who is not friends with any of these people. That's how I feel he will start to distance himself as he will have another person to spend time with/think of.

I really want him to do well in his life and I know hes not happy either as hes always had identity issues, insecurities and he wants to work but isnt getting success in any.

Please help?
0
reply
Scarlettseaman1
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
It sounds like such a shame he has incorporated himself into this group.

Perhaps invite him out with a group of your friends first.
I would definitely try and talk to him about it, and why you're worried
0
reply
loisxlisi.
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
That’s so sad. But you can’t stress yourself helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Have a chat about how you feel with him and see what he says
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Scarlettseaman1)
It sounds like such a shame he has incorporated himself into this group.

Perhaps invite him out with a group of your friends first.
I would definitely try and talk to him about it, and why you're worried
It's even worse now that hes even got together with a girl from this group. And the girl he is with, he was not even into her. A problem happened with another girl he was in love with and suddenly he became desperate to get together and this one came in.

I just feel that getting into a relationship with a girl from this group makes it even harder for him to come out. Unless they break up or he meets someone new?

Tje longer he stays the worse his prospects for his career and personal life get
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by loisxlisi.)
That’s so sad. But you can’t stress yourself helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Have a chat about how you feel with him and see what he says
I ve spoken to his mom but well she has kind of enabled this behaviour.
Hes been my best friend since we were 14 and seeing him waste his talents really hurt me. Even his previous university tutors have said that he is an exceptional student and can reach great heights if hes well guided.
0
reply
Scarlettseaman1
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
It's even worse now that hes even got together with a girl from this group. And the girl he is with, he was not even into her. A problem happened with another girl he was in love with and suddenly he became desperate to get together and this one came in.

I just feel that getting into a relationship with a girl from this group makes it even harder for him to come out. Unless they break up or he meets someone new?

Tje longer he stays the worse his prospects for his career and personal life get
Man I'm so sorry to hear about this as I can understand how it must upset you a lot.
As someone else just commented, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped unfortunately.

Sounds like the only way to get him out is for him to get out of the relationship ASAP.
If, hopefully, like you said, she is like a rebound, he won't stick with her for long. As soon as he gets out of that relationship you can snatch him away
0
reply
loisxlisi.
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
I ve spoken to his mom but well she has kind of enabled this behaviour.
Hes been my best friend since we were 14 and seeing him waste his talents really hurt me. Even his previous university tutors have said that he is an exceptional student and can reach great heights if hes well guided.
All I can say, is talk to him. Put emphasis on your concern for him and how you want him to do better. If he loves u like u love him, he’ll definitely listen or at least take ur words into consideration
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Scarlettseaman1)
Man I'm so sorry to hear about this as I can understand how it must upset you a lot.
As someone else just commented, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped unfortunately.

Sounds like the only way to get him out is for him to get out of the relationship ASAP.
If, hopefully, like you said, she is like a rebound, he won't stick with her for long. As soon as he gets out of that relationship you can snatch him away
(Original post by loisxlisi.)
All I can say, is talk to him. Put emphasis on your concern for him and how you want him to do better. If he loves u like u love him, he’ll definitely listen or at least take ur words into consideration
I will try to do so. This is his fourth year of him doing nothing except repairing cycles. That too, he does for extra money. He has always wanted a proper job. But with such immature and toxic people, what else can one expect. The people who never studied, who have jo ambitions except certain political agendas and want cheap popularity, I mean what kind of advice will they offer him.
0
reply
Scarlettseaman1
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
None at all, you are a great friend for trying to get him out of this situation, which I hope he does soon.
When he does, I hope he thanks you no end
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Scarlettseaman1)
None at all, you are a great friend for trying to get him out of this situation, which I hope he does soon.
When he does, I hope he thanks you no end
Do you think he will come out?
0
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 month ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
I will try to do so. This is his fourth year of him doing nothing except repairing cycles. That too, he does for extra money. He has always wanted a proper job. But with such immature and toxic people, what else can one expect. The people who never studied, who have jo ambitions except certain political agendas and want cheap popularity, I mean what kind of advice will they offer him.
You seem to have a bit of a slight obsession about this group of people. This is at least your second post about them...

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho...php?p=87262134
1
reply
Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#12
(Original post by ageshallnot)
You seem to have a bit of a slight obsession about this group of people. This is at least your second post about them...

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/sho...php?p=87262134
That's not even me lmao.
0
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 month ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
That's not even me lmao.
Far too many similarities for your denial to be plausible, I'm afraid.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#14
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#14
(Original post by ageshallnot)
Far too many similarities for your denial to be plausible, I'm afraid.
I'm sure there are many people like this at every university?
0
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 month ago
#15
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm sure there are many people like this at every university?
No, only in your head.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#16
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#16
(Original post by ageshallnot)
No, only in your head.
Nppe
0
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 month ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
Nppe
We both know that you wrote both those posts, so I suggest you leave it now.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Regarding Ofqual's most recent update, do you think you will be given a fair grade this summer?

Yes (256)
33.86%
No (500)
66.14%

Watched Threads

View All