Social anxiety and depression at uni, really suffering

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I’m in my second year at uni and because of my social anxiety my 17 months here have been hell. Unless you have social anxiety it’s really hard to explain how difficult it is, it’s much much more than just shyness it’s the most extreme form of shyness imaginable where your thinking is so irrational and every thing that you do you imagine how others perceive it. I said I wanted to change things in second year but so far I’ve been way too scared to join a society. Seeing everyone in my halls and uni in first year make friends so easily and all these romantic relationships that formed was really really hard for me because I wanted that too but my social anxiety prevented me from it.

The worst part for me is hearing people have sex because I really really badly want an amazing experience like that with a girl. I’m 19 years old never had sex never had a girlfriend, social anxiety ****** up my high school years now it’s ******* up my uni too. The girl next door to me and the girl above me are both single from what I gather but they’ve had different guys round on multiple occasions. Hearing them have sex and moan son loudly is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life because I really really want to please a girl like that. Not just at clubs but I’ve heard them being round guys for one night stands at 11 pm on weekday nights. The other night the girl above me had a guy round and when they were having sex hearing her really loudly moan when she orgasmed it hurt me so much I just left my bedroom went to the shower room turned it on so my flatmates couldn’t hear me sob uncontrollably. The one friend I made in high school I’ve kept in touch with, my only friend I have, came to visit me at uni a few months ago we went clubbing even though a club setting is scary for me. Seeing all these strangers make out on the dance floor, even grabbing girls arses while making out.. I was literally in the club and felt like crying. Couples I understand but it hurts me that all these girls and guys meet at a club they’re strangers, then two seconds later they’re making out and an hour later they’re *******. I want to have that experience too. I know someone will say you don’t have to have sex just because it’s what a lot of people at uni do but I really really want it.

In first year I spent the year locked in my bedroom only left to go to uni and get groceries, things that scared the hell out of me but I had to do. I always said hi to my flatmates who became best friends without me as to not appear anti social but I couldn’t make friends with them even though I wanted to. This last year has been the worst year of my life by far and I had a terrible teenhood. Social anxiety is the worst thing ever I can’t go to the kitchen if my flat mates are there I get so nervous going to campus then that follows with being depressed when I see couples on campus.

Last night was the worst I’ve been I cried so much I never slept at all and by the time morning came I decided that this seminar for one of my modules would be the one that I miss since you’re only allowed to miss two max, simply because I’ve never felt this bad in my life and I’ve been depressed on and off since I was 13. I want to push myself to join societies and make friends talk to people before lectures even go to the library late at night and try talk to a girl there but the thought of doing those things scares me so much. I just really want to make friends and get a girlfriend it’s now 18 February, lectures finish in less than 6 weeks, April is spring break and May exams then year over. Is it too late for me to make friends now because no chance am I leaving it till the start of third year. I’ve started seeing a therapist recently but it’s still early days. Please what do I do in my situation? this is absolute hell. I can’t take any more suffering.
0
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 month ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m in my second year at uni and because of my social anxiety my 17 months here have been hell. Unless you have social anxiety it’s really hard to explain how difficult it is, it’s much much more than just shyness it’s the most extreme form of shyness imaginable where your thinking is so irrational and every thing that you do you imagine how others perceive it. I said I wanted to change things in second year but so far I’ve been way too scared to join a society. Seeing everyone in my halls and uni in first year make friends so easily and all these romantic relationships that formed was really really hard for me because I wanted that too but my social anxiety prevented me from it.

The worst part for me is hearing people have sex because I really really badly want an amazing experience like that with a girl. I’m 19 years old never had sex never had a girlfriend, social anxiety ****** up my high school years now it’s ******* up my uni too. The girl next door to me and the girl above me are both single from what I gather but they’ve had different guys round on multiple occasions. Hearing them have sex and moan son loudly is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life because I really really want to please a girl like that. Not just at clubs but I’ve heard them being round guys for one night stands at 11 pm on weekday nights. The other night the girl above me had a guy round and when they were having sex hearing her really loudly moan when she orgasmed it hurt me so much I just left my bedroom went to the shower room turned it on so my flatmates couldn’t hear me sob uncontrollably. The one friend I made in high school I’ve kept in touch with, my only friend I have, came to visit me at uni a few months ago we went clubbing even though a club setting is scary for me. Seeing all these strangers make out on the dance floor, even grabbing girls arses while making out.. I was literally in the club and felt like crying. Couples I understand but it hurts me that all these girls and guys meet at a club they’re strangers, then two seconds later they’re making out and an hour later they’re *******. I want to have that experience too. I know someone will say you don’t have to have sex just because it’s what a lot of people at uni do but I really really want it.

In first year I spent the year locked in my bedroom only left to go to uni and get groceries, things that scared the hell out of me but I had to do. I always said hi to my flatmates who became best friends without me as to not appear anti social but I couldn’t make friends with them even though I wanted to. This last year has been the worst year of my life by far and I had a terrible teenhood. Social anxiety is the worst thing ever I can’t go to the kitchen if my flat mates are there I get so nervous going to campus then that follows with being depressed when I see couples on campus.

Last night was the worst I’ve been I cried so much I never slept at all and by the time morning came I decided that this seminar for one of my modules would be the one that I miss since you’re only allowed to miss two max, simply because I’ve never felt this bad in my life and I’ve been depressed on and off since I was 13. I want to push myself to join societies and make friends talk to people before lectures even go to the library late at night and try talk to a girl there but the thought of doing those things scares me so much. I just really want to make friends and get a girlfriend it’s now 18 February, lectures finish in less than 6 weeks, April is spring break and May exams then year over. Is it too late for me to make friends now because no chance am I leaving it till the start of third year. I’ve started seeing a therapist recently but it’s still early days. Please what do I do in my situation? this is absolute hell. I can’t take any more suffering.
Keep going to your therapist! And take the advice of your therapist. Unfortunately you have got into that useless cycle of always comparing yoursrlf to other people! As i have said to many people before on these threads- comparing yourself with other people never does any good and actually, as you are finding out, can cause real suffering! Who told you that sex is always fabulous and that it will solve your deeper problems? A myth!
You can call the Samiritans as well when you feel really low. It is important to talk!
0
reply
Corps
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 month ago
#3
I can’t relate to the sex stuff, not that I don’t want to have sex more that I never lived in halls and all of my sexual encounters have been negative and kind of scary. However, it really never is too late to join societies or make friends whether that’s rn or later. I haven’t been able to attend university properly due to my mental health and have developed some pretty self destructive behaviours and know I need a little help. Having no friends is definitely isolating and I feel like everything spiralled out of control but try to remember that no one cares about what you’re doing as much as you do and if they judge you, if you do something that makes you feel self conscious, why do they or their opinions matter? I’m sorry if that’s not much help but it’s the only thing that gets me out of the door nowadays. I also reward myself for social interaction which I can see both positives and negatives in but trying to find a cycle that works for you is good.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#4
(Original post by Corps)
I can’t relate to the sex stuff, not that I don’t want to have sex more that I never lived in halls and all of my sexual encounters have been negative and kind of scary. However, it really never is too late to join societies or make friends whether that’s rn or later. I haven’t been able to attend university properly due to my mental health and have developed some pretty self destructive behaviours and know I need a little help. Having no friends is definitely isolating and I feel like everything spiralled out of control but try to remember that no one cares about what you’re doing as much as you do and if they judge you, if you do something that makes you feel self conscious, why do they or their opinions matter? I’m sorry if that’s not much help but it’s the only thing that gets me out of the door nowadays. I also reward myself for social interaction which I can see both positives and negatives in but trying to find a cycle that works for you is good.
The fact that you said it’s never too late to join societies and make friends does put my ever worried mind at ease just a little bit. I’m just worried that if I join this late into the academic year I’ll have missed a lot of the events and the people there will know each other really well and already being very shy coming in late will be even more scary than it joined in September. But I’ve already missed way too much of my uni experience I don’t graduate till June 2022 but I want to make sure I make friends really soon. Saying nobody cares about what I’m doing as much as I think they do makes me a bit more at ease too, and also if they do care it doesn’t matter. Obviously it will take a lot of time to enforce these thoughts. If you don’t mind me asking, since you also struggle with self consciousness and shyness, how were you able to meet people to have sex with? Unless you are female even then a socially anxious female would probably not have a sexual encounter and a male definitely would not because he would be too scared to approach the girl.
0
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 month ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
The fact that you said it’s never too late to join societies and make friends does put my ever worried mind at ease just a little bit. I’m just worried that if I join this late into the academic year I’ll have missed a lot of the events and the people there will know each other really well and already being very shy coming in late will be even more scary than it joined in September. But I’ve already missed way too much of my uni experience I don’t graduate till June 2022 but I want to make sure I make friends really soon. Saying nobody cares about what I’m doing as much as I think they do makes me a bit more at ease too, and also if they do care it doesn’t matter. Obviously it will take a lot of time to enforce these thoughts. If you don’t mind me asking, since you also struggle with self consciousness and shyness, how were you able to meet people to have sex with? Unless you are female even then a socially anxious female would probably not have a sexual encounter and a male definitely would not because he would be too scared to approach the girl.
Did you read my post? You are not ready for some dramatic entrance to some social event! Your first step is therapy or counselling because your self esteem is at rock bottom! That needs dealing with first!
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#6
(Original post by mgi)
Did you read my post? You are not ready for some dramatic entrance to some social event! Your first step is therapy or counselling because your self esteem is at rock bottom! That needs dealing with first!
Yes you’re right. I do need to get my thoughts sorted out first absolutely because my thinking is extremely skewed and negative now. But part of my therapy which is cbt, it is expensive but very effective is exposure therapy and when I feel more ready I have to push myself to meet people which does scare me but I’ll have techniques I’ve learned and more balanced thoughts to think although it will take time for my brain to think differently, but I still have to push myself to meet people soon because I shouldn’t have had a year and a half of my uni experience where everyone made tons of friends and had tons of sex with tons of different girls, the things I should have been doing as well, ripped away from me and I still have two years left and I want to make sure that I cherish and make the most of all of that time no more wasted time because time goes by way too quickly.
0
reply
Corps
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 month ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
The fact that you said it’s never too late to join societies and make friends does put my ever worried mind at ease just a little bit. I’m just worried that if I join this late into the academic year I’ll have missed a lot of the events and the people there will know each other really well and already being very shy coming in late will be even more scary than it joined in September. But I’ve already missed way too much of my uni experience I don’t graduate till June 2022 but I want to make sure I make friends really soon. Saying nobody cares about what I’m doing as much as I think they do makes me a bit more at ease too, and also if they do care it doesn’t matter. Obviously it will take a lot of time to enforce these thoughts. If you don’t mind me asking, since you also struggle with self consciousness and shyness, how were you able to meet people to have sex with? Unless you are female even then a socially anxious female would probably not have a sexual encounter and a male definitely would not because he would be too scared to approach the girl.
Just try to remember that you’re really not alone. All of this is only as scary as it feels because of how we feel within and about ourselves. It’s taken me a while to realise I need to get help and you’re already there. As you said, it’s still early days. We all have hurdles to overcome, some bigger than others. You’re lacking confidence and self belief but you can build them. And sure I am a girl, but getting laid won’t fix your problems, if anything, it made mine worse.
0
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 month ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes you’re right. I do need to get my thoughts sorted out first absolutely because my thinking is extremely skewed and negative now. But part of my therapy which is cbt, it is expensive but very effective is exposure therapy and when I feel more ready I have to push myself to meet people which does scare me but I’ll have techniques I’ve learned and more balanced thoughts to think although it will take time for my brain to think differently, but I still have to push myself to meet people soon because I shouldn’t have had a year and a half of my uni experience where everyone made tons of friends and had tons of sex with tons of different girls, the things I should have been doing as well, ripped away from me and I still have two years left and I want to make sure that I cherish and make the most of all of that time no more wasted time because time goes by way too quickly.
And you are makibg progress with your thoughts. Tons of sex can leave some people still feelibg empty. It is not a solution by itself. Regarding CBT, i notice that reed.co.uk sell courses on CBT , maybe you could investigate how to learn about cbt, it may be less expensive overall?
And stop comparing yourself with other people; it will only cause you pain. Casual sex is not for everyone , believe it or not! It can be a disaster anyway unless you sort out your own issues first!
0
reply
Analyst89
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 month ago
#9
As others have suggests keep talking to your therapist.

You can talk to the samiritans on 116 123 and mind online.
0
reply
Johnny Tightlips
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#10
Report 1 month ago
#10
(Original post by Anonymous)
I’m in my second year at uni and because of my social anxiety my 17 months here have been hell. Unless you have social anxiety it’s really hard to explain how difficult it is, it’s much much more than just shyness it’s the most extreme form of shyness imaginable where your thinking is so irrational and every thing that you do you imagine how others perceive it. I said I wanted to change things in second year but so far I’ve been way too scared to join a society. Seeing everyone in my halls and uni in first year make friends so easily and all these romantic relationships that formed was really really hard for me because I wanted that too but my social anxiety prevented me from it.

The worst part for me is hearing people have sex because I really really badly want an amazing experience like that with a girl. I’m 19 years old never had sex never had a girlfriend, social anxiety ****** up my high school years now it’s ******* up my uni too. The girl next door to me and the girl above me are both single from what I gather but they’ve had different guys round on multiple occasions. Hearing them have sex and moan son loudly is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life because I really really want to please a girl like that. Not just at clubs but I’ve heard them being round guys for one night stands at 11 pm on weekday nights. The other night the girl above me had a guy round and when they were having sex hearing her really loudly moan when she orgasmed it hurt me so much I just left my bedroom went to the shower room turned it on so my flatmates couldn’t hear me sob uncontrollably. The one friend I made in high school I’ve kept in touch with, my only friend I have, came to visit me at uni a few months ago we went clubbing even though a club setting is scary for me. Seeing all these strangers make out on the dance floor, even grabbing girls arses while making out.. I was literally in the club and felt like crying. Couples I understand but it hurts me that all these girls and guys meet at a club they’re strangers, then two seconds later they’re making out and an hour later they’re *******. I want to have that experience too. I know someone will say you don’t have to have sex just because it’s what a lot of people at uni do but I really really want it.

In first year I spent the year locked in my bedroom only left to go to uni and get groceries, things that scared the hell out of me but I had to do. I always said hi to my flatmates who became best friends without me as to not appear anti social but I couldn’t make friends with them even though I wanted to. This last year has been the worst year of my life by far and I had a terrible teenhood. Social anxiety is the worst thing ever I can’t go to the kitchen if my flat mates are there I get so nervous going to campus then that follows with being depressed when I see couples on campus.

Last night was the worst I’ve been I cried so much I never slept at all and by the time morning came I decided that this seminar for one of my modules would be the one that I miss since you’re only allowed to miss two max, simply because I’ve never felt this bad in my life and I’ve been depressed on and off since I was 13. I want to push myself to join societies and make friends talk to people before lectures even go to the library late at night and try talk to a girl there but the thought of doing those things scares me so much. I just really want to make friends and get a girlfriend it’s now 18 February, lectures finish in less than 6 weeks, April is spring break and May exams then year over. Is it too late for me to make friends now because no chance am I leaving it till the start of third year. I’ve started seeing a therapist recently but it’s still early days. Please what do I do in my situation? this is absolute hell. I can’t take any more suffering.
Yeah social anxiety sucks. I spent most of my 1st year hiding in my room.

Ultimately, you have to be brave and put yourself out there. All your anxiety and irrational thoughts are 100% inside your head. Our brains, especially when we have low self-esteem, look at what we don't know and automatically assume the worst.

So all I can recommend is to take it 1 step at a time, starting small but doing increasingly braver things. You will soon realise that all your thoughts were in your head and you are capable of not being social anxious. I'm proof that it works

And try and self-improve as this will help with the self-esteem. You are worthy of life.

Talking to the therapist helps too.
Last edited by Johnny Tightlips; 1 month ago
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Regarding Ofqual's most recent update, do you think you will be given a fair grade this summer?

Yes (208)
33.44%
No (414)
66.56%

Watched Threads

View All