emotionally unavailable but I don't want to be

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
#1
I just don't really get crushes on anyone. I do for like a week, but I quickly convince myself I don't and then I'm genuinely happy just being friends (and even this is super rare). I struggle with seeing the point in relationships at the moment because I'll be going to uni in September, but I'm worried ill still be like this at uni.

It's not that I don't want a relationship - I really love the idea of one, and I know I'm attracted to guys. I'm a really touchy-feely person aha, and I really value my friendships and connections with people. I just never want romantic relationships with people I meet Well, sometimes I do, but as soon as there's even the slightest hint of them showing an interest in me I just COMPLETELY go off them. It's horrible, like I almost feel repulsed by the thought of being in a relationship with them (sorry, I know it sounds harsh, just not sure how to explain it). And they can be amazing (and very attractive) guys, but I just I start picking and finding every fault in them. I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm nervous of actually having a relationships and so subconsciously convince myself I shouldn't??? Or am I just completely emotionally unavailable?

ALSO I don't mean to sound cocky or anything, because I don't see the appeal, but this has happened a lot over the last few years. Whenever I start to become close with a guy they end up "liking" me and it hurts so much because I lose a friend. I don't know what to do. I don't intentionally send out any "signals" or anything, I'm just being friendly. I suspect it might be because I'm a confident and friendly, but reserved, so maybe when I start to open up to them a bit (as I think we're becoming close friends) they take this the wrong way? These are never the guys I have those kind of half-crushes on either. I just don't know what to do at this point.
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Gillzy
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just don't really get crushes on anyone. I do for like a week, but I quickly convince myself I don't and then I'm genuinely happy just being friends (and even this is super rare). I struggle with seeing the point in relationships at the moment because I'll be going to uni in September, but I'm worried ill still be like this at uni.

It's not that I don't want a relationship - I really love the idea of one, and I know I'm attracted to guys. I'm a really touchy-feely person aha, and I really value my friendships and connections with people. I just never want romantic relationships with people I meet Well, sometimes I do, but as soon as there's even the slightest hint of them showing an interest in me I just COMPLETELY go off them. It's horrible, like I almost feel repulsed by the thought of being in a relationship with them (sorry, I know it sounds harsh, just not sure how to explain it). And they can be amazing (and very attractive) guys, but I just I start picking and finding every fault in them. I don't know why, maybe it's because I'm nervous of actually having a relationships and so subconsciously convince myself I shouldn't??? Or am I just completely emotionally unavailable?

ALSO I don't mean to sound cocky or anything, because I don't see the appeal, but this has happened a lot over the last few years. Whenever I start to become close with a guy they end up "liking" me and it hurts so much because I lose a friend. I don't know what to do. I don't intentionally send out any "signals" or anything, I'm just being friendly. I suspect it might be because I'm a confident and friendly, but reserved, so maybe when I start to open up to them a bit (as I think we're becoming close friends) they take this the wrong way? These are never the guys I have those kind of half-crushes on either. I just don't know what to do at this point.
Youre exactly the same as me although im a guy ;( The reason i tend to do this is for the reason you mentioned of my mind telling me i shouldnt go into a relationship and then in my mind telling myself i cant as either theyre too good for me or theres some inconspicuous detail about them i wouldnt like but its all in my head.

I cant think of a reason as to why this happens, as just like you im confident and bubbly but just always have like a rush of negativity when it comes to the thought of a relationship.

I cant offer a solution to this but I wanted to let you know that others feel like this too with me being one of them, I just make it clear to people that I like being single (when i dont) and then everything works out fine and were all friends but I get it is hard when you cant feel that emotional connection and feel physically able to break through that wall of negativity.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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(Original post by Gillzy)
Youre exactly the same as me although im a guy ;( The reason i tend to do this is for the reason you mentioned of my mind telling me i shouldnt go into a relationship and then in my mind telling myself i cant as either theyre too good for me or theres some inconspicuous detail about them i wouldnt like but its all in my head.

I cant think of a reason as to why this happens, as just like you im confident and bubbly but just always have like a rush of negativity when it comes to the thought of a relationship.

I cant offer a solution to this but I wanted to let you know that others feel like this too with me being one of them, I just make it clear to people that I like being single (when i dont) and then everything works out fine and were all friends but I get it is hard when you cant feel that emotional connection and feel physically able to break through that wall of negativity.
Yeah, I mean honestly I'm happy being single at the moment, because I have so much going on. I just worry that I'll always feel like this. But thank you - it makes me feel a lot better knowing other people feel this way. I've tried talking to some friends about it but, while they've all been really nice about it, none of them understand it or feel the same way.
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Gillzy
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#4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah, I mean honestly I'm happy being single at the moment, because I have so much going on. I just worry that I'll always feel like this. But thank you - it makes me feel a lot better knowing other people feel this way. I've tried talking to some friends about it but, while they've all been really nice about it, none of them understand it or feel the same way.
Yeah same, being taken means you have to divert the attention you need for other things to somebody else and in the midst of A levels and Uni, that can be stressful. But dont worry youll not feel like this all one day, it will all click so to speak.
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