coolfunkdj1
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I am a first year and I thought by this time I'd have some friends, but it never happened. I have a few 'acqauinteces' I set next to sometimes in lecture halls, but apart from that I am completely alone. This really sucks but I don't have a clue on how to fix it, everyone has already developed their friendship groups and I feel left out of pretty much all of them.

It started when I met two people on opening day, I tried and tried for weeks to like them but I didn't, I found them annoying and arrogant. So I distanced myself away from them and then tried to talk to more people but no one cared to introduce me to any groups or even try to invite me.

I live with my girlfriend in the same flat (she goes to college) and so there's no luck of befriending my roommates.

Thing is, I knew this was going to happen, I guess I'm what you'd call a 'shy extrovert', I love having friends but I am absolutley terrible at making them. I had my dream group of friends in college but now they've split up and met friends at their dorms or whatever and I feel like complete ****.

Please, any advice at all would help, as far as the work goes I'm doing well and I am on a good route atm, I just wish I didn't have to talk to my online mates on Discord or my girlfriend just to stop the feelings of loneliness.
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mnot
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(Original post by coolfunkdj1)
I am a first year and I thought by this time I'd have some friends, but it never happened. I have a few 'acqauinteces' I set next to sometimes in lecture halls, but apart from that I am completely alone. This really sucks but I don't have a clue on how to fix it, everyone has already developed their friendship groups and I feel left out of pretty much all of them.

It started when I met two people on opening day, I tried and tried for weeks to like them but I didn't, I found them annoying and arrogant. So I distanced myself away from them and then tried to talk to more people but no one cared to introduce me to any groups or even try to invite me.

I live with my girlfriend in the same flat (she goes to college) and so there's no luck of befriending my roommates.

Thing is, I knew this was going to happen, I guess I'm what you'd call a 'shy extrovert', I love having friends but I am absolutley terrible at making them. I had my dream group of friends in college but now they've split up and met friends at their dorms or whatever and I feel like complete ****.

Please, any advice at all would help, as far as the work goes I'm doing well and I am on a good route atm, I just wish I didn't have to talk to my online mates on Discord or my girlfriend just to stop the feelings of loneliness.
So places you can meet 1 friend:
-A society
-A sports team
-Uni course
-At an SU event

If you make 1 friend its likely you'll meet a few more people, I really recommend joining a society or sports team. Alternatively try chatting to a couple people at a seminar or lecture a few times and see if you can get an invite to a pres or a pub trip or similar.
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coolfunkdj1
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(Original post by mnot)
So places you can meet 1 friend:
-A society
-A sports team
-Uni course
-At an SU event

If you make 1 friend its likely you'll meet a few more people, I really recommend joining a society or sports team. Alternatively try chatting to a couple people at a seminar or lecture a few times and see if you can get an invite to a pres or a pub trip or similar.
I might try and join a society, I'm still a bit nervous to go up to a group of people who have likely already formed solid bonds together and try and force my way in, it's the problem I've had with groups of friends so far...
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mnot
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(Original post by coolfunkdj1)
I might try and join a society, I'm still a bit nervous to go up to a group of people who have likely already formed solid bonds together and try and force my way in, it's the problem I've had with groups of friends so far...
They'll definitely be a rapport with the current groups in societies but its not like breaking in, normally these groups are doing an activity then people get chatting and build relationships there, often its a case of the more people the better, you just need to find an inclusive student organisation open to everyone, these do exist!
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coolfunkdj1
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(Original post by mnot)
They'll definitely be a rapport with the current groups in societies but its not like breaking in, normally these groups are doing an activity then people get chatting and build relationships there, often its a case of the more people the better, you just need to find an inclusive student organisation open to everyone, these do exist!
Just spent a solid 30 minutes going through the societies and a lot of them seem to be inactive... I really don't know what to do anymore.
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mnot
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(Original post by coolfunkdj1)
Just spent a solid 30 minutes going through the societies and a lot of them seem to be inactive... I really don't know what to do anymore.
Im sure you find one, have a look for them on facebook and send off a couple messages
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gabbyisaacs010
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Please, any advice at all would help, as far as the work goes I'm doing well and I am on a good route atm, I just wish I didn't have to talk to my online mates on Discord or my girlfriend just to stop the feelings of loneliness.

ill be your friend are you at Exeter ?
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mnot
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(Original post by gabbyisaacs010)
Please, any advice at all would help, as far as the work goes I'm doing well and I am on a good route atm, I just wish I didn't have to talk to my online mates on Discord or my girlfriend just to stop the feelings of loneliness.

ill be your friend are you at Exeter ?
see post #2
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gabbyisaacs010
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(Original post by coolfunkdj1)
I might try and join a society, I'm still a bit nervous to go up to a group of people who have likely already formed solid bonds together and try and force my way in, it's the problem I've had with groups of friends so far...
when i went to college i made a friend on the first day from having a rollie together, then i became friends with her friends she became friends with my one other friend then the next day i met my boyfriend in that group, the point is it only takes one friend
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studyinpsych
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i've been struggling to make friends as well at uni. however, it seems like everyone's in groups but theres a lot of moving around. people arent set and they're always open to make new friends. I'd recommend taking some of the advice above about where to make friends. I promise you, it's not too late. and it wont be until you leave.
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jellycake28
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(Original post by coolfunkdj1)
I might try and join a society, I'm still a bit nervous to go up to a group of people who have likely already formed solid bonds together and try and force my way in, it's the problem I've had with groups of friends so far...
I was in the same situation as you, im in my second year and had only made two 'friendly acquaintances' in my first year, i sat with them in lectures but wouldnt consider them friends. This year i joined a society 5 weeks into the semester and it was the best decision i made. If you join one that your actually interested in, for me it was musical theatre, then im sure you'll find people like you, everyone was really welcoming when i joined. It will also give you something at uni outside of academics to look forward to, rehearsals are pretty much my favourite part of uni
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Fullofsurprises
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(Original post by coolfunkdj1)
I might try and join a society, I'm still a bit nervous to go up to a group of people who have likely already formed solid bonds together and try and force my way in, it's the problem I've had with groups of friends so far...
I really empathise, it can be hard to make friends when coming into a new place where it looks like everyone is already sorted.

One thing to remember is not everyone is really cool about their current circle, even though they might look it (there's a lot of pressure to act and look a certain way socially), so people can and do change their friends and make new ones.

I know it's hard, but try to chill and relax if you go to a new soc or sport or whatever - don't look too majorly eager to befriend people. Just kind of act interested in the club and the topic, don't talk non-stop - say the odd thing in meetings or casually to people - and if anyone talks to you, grin and agree with their point, don't overdo it, but casually indicate you liked what they said or nod and look pleased.

If people in the soc go out for any kind of food, GO. Meals are THE best way to socialise and get to know people. They are more relaxed and nearly everyone will talk to the person next or opposite them at a meal.

Hang in there and don't panic - you have time. Sometimes it takes quite a while to make the kind of close friendships we all want.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by coolfunkdj1)
I might try and join a society, I'm still a bit nervous to go up to a group of people who have likely already formed solid bonds together and try and force my way in, it's the problem I've had with groups of friends so far...
I know you have to be brave and are shy, but do make the effort. It would take hearts of stone for these people in societies to not want to befriend you.

I have the same problem as I am single, so I have joined two meet up groups and have made lots of friends.
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Oxford Mum
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(Original post by Fullofsurprises)
I really empathise, it can be hard to make friends when coming into a new place where it looks like everyone is already sorted.

One thing to remember is not everyone is really cool about their current circle, even though they might look it (there's a lot of pressure to act and look a certain way socially), so people can and do change their friends and make new ones.

I know it's hard, but try to chill and relax if you go to a new soc or sport or whatever - don't look too majorly eager to befriend people. Just kind of act interested in the club and the topic, don't talk non-stop - say the odd thing in meetings or casually to people - and if anyone talks to you, grin and agree with their point, don't overdo it, but casually indicate you liked what they said or nod and look pleased.

If people in the soc go out for any kind of food, GO. Meals are THE best way to socialise and get to know people. They are more relaxed and nearly everyone will talk to the person next or opposite them at a meal.

Hang in there and don't panic - you have time. Sometimes it takes quite a while to make the kind of close friendships we all want.
I am going to my local meet up group tomorrow, for a meal and there will be some new (male) members. I will take your advice, thanks
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