Anonymous #1
#1
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I have known my friend (let's call him T) for 4 years now, when we started working together. He is quite a distant person and we weren't close for the first 2 years of knowing each other. At work, he had a reputation for being mysterious and aloof. We got chatting and got along well, although he is quite reserved. T has really bad insomnia and barely sleeps, which means he spends all his time reading and is consequently ridiculously intelligent. He tells me he hates romantic relationships, but one time he got very drunk and said he would want a normal relationship with marriage and children. He hasn't had a long term relationship in a long time but engages in a lot of casual sex (he's fairly private about this but hints to me). T has hugged me twice in four years, once when completely drunk, and another time begrudgingly when I was thanking him. He is able to cut people out of his life quickly without any sense of remorse after they annoy him, including his own father. Also, most recently, he told me that, as a child, he tried to drown his pets and threw another down the stairs, and also threw a sibling off of a stationary truck for fun. His mother stopped him and he said he's 'got it under control now' but it sounded pretty disturbing to me. He's never been aggressive or odd towards me except for sometimes being a bit cold and overly formal, but I took this in stride until he told me about the pet stuff. I'm a bit disturbed now. Do you think he needs help?
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Oxford Mum
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have known my friend (let's call him T) for 4 years now, when we started working together. He is quite a distant person and we weren't close for the first 2 years of knowing each other. At work, he had a reputation for being mysterious and aloof. We got chatting and got along well, although he is quite reserved. T has really bad insomnia and barely sleeps, which means he spends all his time reading and is consequently ridiculously intelligent. He tells me he hates romantic relationships, but one time he got very drunk and said he would want a normal relationship with marriage and children. He hasn't had a long term relationship in a long time but engages in a lot of casual sex (he's fairly private about this but hints to me). T has hugged me twice in four years, once when completely drunk, and another time begrudgingly when I was thanking him. He is able to cut people out of his life quickly without any sense of remorse after they annoy him, including his own father. Also, most recently, he told me that, as a child, he tried to drown his pets and threw another down the stairs, and also threw a sibling off of a stationary truck for fun. His mother stopped him and he said he's 'got it under control now' but it sounded pretty disturbing to me. He's never been aggressive or odd towards me except for sometimes being a bit cold and overly formal, but I took this in stride until he told me about the pet stuff. I'm a bit disturbed now. Do you think he needs help?
I am not sure, but he is a dangerous person to know. I would distance yourself from him. If he really is a psychopath, they do not think they are in the wrong, and therefore will not seek help. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
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Scarlettseaman1
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have known my friend (let's call him T) for 4 years now, when we started working together. He is quite a distant person and we weren't close for the first 2 years of knowing each other. At work, he had a reputation for being mysterious and aloof. We got chatting and got along well, although he is quite reserved. T has really bad insomnia and barely sleeps, which means he spends all his time reading and is consequently ridiculously intelligent. He tells me he hates romantic relationships, but one time he got very drunk and said he would want a normal relationship with marriage and children. He hasn't had a long term relationship in a long time but engages in a lot of casual sex (he's fairly private about this but hints to me). T has hugged me twice in four years, once when completely drunk, and another time begrudgingly when I was thanking him. He is able to cut people out of his life quickly without any sense of remorse after they annoy him, including his own father. Also, most recently, he told me that, as a child, he tried to drown his pets and threw another down the stairs, and also threw a sibling off of a stationary truck for fun. His mother stopped him and he said he's 'got it under control now' but it sounded pretty disturbing to me. He's never been aggressive or odd towards me except for sometimes being a bit cold and overly formal, but I took this in stride until he told me about the pet stuff. I'm a bit disturbed now. Do you think he needs help?
I'd just suggest not trying to get involved, let him be, don't bother trying to find out if he is or isn't a psychopath
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Wired_1800
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have known my friend (let's call him T) for 4 years now, when we started working together. He is quite a distant person and we weren't close for the first 2 years of knowing each other. At work, he had a reputation for being mysterious and aloof. We got chatting and got along well, although he is quite reserved. T has really bad insomnia and barely sleeps, which means he spends all his time reading and is consequently ridiculously intelligent. He tells me he hates romantic relationships, but one time he got very drunk and said he would want a normal relationship with marriage and children. He hasn't had a long term relationship in a long time but engages in a lot of casual sex (he's fairly private about this but hints to me). T has hugged me twice in four years, once when completely drunk, and another time begrudgingly when I was thanking him. He is able to cut people out of his life quickly without any sense of remorse after they annoy him, including his own father. Also, most recently, he told me that, as a child, he tried to drown his pets and threw another down the stairs, and also threw a sibling off of a stationary truck for fun. His mother stopped him and he said he's 'got it under control now' but it sounded pretty disturbing to me. He's never been aggressive or odd towards me except for sometimes being a bit cold and overly formal, but I took this in stride until he told me about the pet stuff. I'm a bit disturbed now. Do you think he needs help?
I think he is a pyschopath.
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bones-mccoy
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#5
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Not a psychopath, also a dangerous term to throw around. The only things that would constitute red flags are the behaviour towards animals/siblings.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Oxford Mum)
I am not sure, but he is a dangerous person to know. I would distance yourself from him. If he really is a psychopath, they do not think they are in the wrong, and therefore will not seek help. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
(Original post by Scarlettseaman1)
I'd just suggest not trying to get involved, let him be, don't bother trying to find out if he is or isn't a psychopath
(Original post by Wired_1800)
I think he is a pyschopath.
(Original post by bones-mccoy)
Not a psychopath, also a dangerous term to throw around. The only things that would constitute red flags are the behaviour towards animals/siblings.
You think I should distance myself, even if he's never been bad towards me in 4 years?
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Scarlettseaman1
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#7
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You think I should distance myself, even if he's never been bad towards me in 4 years?
I wouldn't say distance yourself, if you haven't had any issues with him at all for 4 years, why leave now?
What I would say is just don't get any closer to him
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Scarlettseaman1)
I wouldn't say distance yourself, if you haven't had any issues with him at all for 4 years, why leave now?
What I would say is just don't get any closer to him
Okay, thank you. Hopefully he doesn't reveal any more disturbing stuff.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, thank you. Hopefully he doesn't reveal any more disturbing stuff.
Just don’t pry so much and possibly sounds like he’s had some trauma and the sibling animal thing is a red flag but it doesn’t seem to affect him much now and his lack of physical affection could be a result of trauma but it isn’t ‘bad’ I’m bad at showing physical affection because of trauma to doesn’t mean I’m a psychopath try not to throw the term around it would do a lot of damage to him and your friendship but I guess don’t get any closer if you rlly do feel he is dangerous
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DrawTheLine
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#10
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He would need to be diagnosed with psychopathy in order for people to call him a psychopath - it isn't a term to just use without care, same as calling someone anorexic when they haven't received the diagnosis, or saying a person has OCD when they don't.

If you're concerned, then seek help from others and remove yourself from any situations with him.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just don’t pry so much and possibly sounds like he’s had some trauma and the sibling animal thing is a red flag but it doesn’t seem to affect him much now and his lack of physical affection could be a result of trauma but it isn’t ‘bad’ I’m bad at showing physical affection because of trauma to doesn’t mean I’m a psychopath try not to throw the term around it would do a lot of damage to him and your friendship but I guess don’t get any closer if you rlly do feel he is dangerous
Okay - that all makes sense, actually. I'm sorry to mislabel, I was just super concerned and a bit scared.

(Original post by DrawTheLine)
He would need to be diagnosed with psychopathy in order for people to call him a psychopath - it isn't a term to just use without care, same as calling someone anorexic when they haven't received the diagnosis, or saying a person has OCD when they don't.

If you're concerned, then seek help from others and remove yourself from any situations with him.
Thank you.
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Wired_1800
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#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You think I should distance myself, even if he's never been bad towards me in 4 years?
Yes
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londonmyst
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#13
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I don't know about psychopathic.
He sounds evil, manipulative and mentally disturbed.
I used to work for a woman who acted very similar except for the animal abuse.
Not the qualities I look for in a friend.
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karelina
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Psychopath or not, he's a dangerous character and you are well aware of the red flags which he has told you (there may be other things he has never told you). What happens when you have kids one day, do you want this creep around babysitting them teaching them to torture pets? If what you say is true that he's frosty and cuts people out with no feeling then what's the problem with ending the friendship, it doesn't sound like he's going to cry over it or care one bit.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I don't know about psychopathic.
He sounds evil, manipulative and mentally disturbed.
I used to work for a woman who acted very similar except for the animal abuse.
Not the qualities I look for in a friend.
Hmm. Okay. He's always been a really good friend to me so this has come as a bit of a shock.

(Original post by karelina)
Psychopath or not, he's a dangerous character and you are well aware of the red flags which he has told you (there may be other things he has never told you). What happens when you have kids one day, do you want this creep around babysitting them teaching them to torture pets? If what you say is true that he's frosty and cuts people out with no feeling then what's the problem with ending the friendship, it doesn't sound like he's going to cry over it or care one bit.
That's sad to hear but I guess. I hope not, we are really close.
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Sammylou40
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#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Okay, thank you. Hopefully he doesn't reveal any more disturbing stuff.
This is what you know now. It’s very likely there are things you don’t know as well.
I am not in a position to diagnose but there are some worrying signs
you should protect yourself
what you can do is encourage him to get a proper diagnosis and the correct treatment
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
This is what you know now. It’s very likely there are things you don’t know as well.
I am not in a position to diagnose but there are some worrying signs
you should protect yourself
what you can do is encourage him to get a proper diagnosis and the correct treatment
Thank you. I will try to subtly bring it up at some point.
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Anonymous #3
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Psychopath/ sociopath are terms which refer to people diagnosed with Antisocial personality disorder (look it up) - this doesn't mean they will become serial killers or criminals but that they don't feel any empathy/ remorse/ guilt and often can manipulate/lie very easily.

Take my advice - if you get a bad gut feeling about him (which you clearly do) distance yourself in a non blatant way. Don't mention it. Stop trying to see good in people who are giving you red flags - for the sake of your own safety and emotional wellbeing.
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