why do i find bjs degrading?

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Anonymous #1
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i'm 22 (girl) and only in the last couple of months have i started being 'sexually active' before now i hadn't done anything sexual with a guy, mostly because i have quite low self esteem and was always scared. for some reason tho i find blowjobs really degrading and i dont know why? i know they're not and that the majority of couples do it but whenever i do it it just reminds me of porn and i feel stupid. anyone know why i feel like this and how i can overcome it?
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Anonymous #2
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Lol
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PotatoFruit
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You should ask him to return the favour
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adam271
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I suspect there is a power dynamic in it.
But if you don't enjoy it don't do it.
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Anonymous #3
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As long as you are in control (ie. he is not controlling your head movement) then it shouldn't feel degrading. I think you need to try it with someone who you really trust and won't force you to do anything you are uncomfortable with.
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emily_000
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm 22 (girl) and only in the last couple of months have i started being 'sexually active' before now i hadn't done anything sexual with a guy, mostly because i have quite low self esteem and was always scared. for some reason tho i find blowjobs really degrading and i dont know why? i know they're not and that the majority of couples do it but whenever i do it it just reminds me of porn and i feel stupid. anyone know why i feel like this and how i can overcome it?
is not necessary to go down on a guy and not is not necessary for him to go down on you. Personally I hate when guys go down on me. So there is no reason to overcome it. +you can get st*s from or** s***. If you feel like that then stop doing it.
Last edited by emily_000; 1 month ago
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londonmyst
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Does oral sex disgust you?
If the answer is yes, that's why you find it degrading.
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Spanx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm 22 (girl) and only in the last couple of months have i started being 'sexually active' before now i hadn't done anything sexual with a guy, mostly because i have quite low self esteem and was always scared. for some reason tho i find blowjobs really degrading and i dont know why? i know they're not and that the majority of couples do it but whenever i do it it just reminds me of porn and i feel stupid. anyone know why i feel like this and how i can overcome it?
Is it because he calls you his biaatch and slaps you around the face before he pulls your hair and makes you gag on it? If so, it maybe because it is degrading...just a guess though.
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FakeNewsEditor
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I've heard the opposite, some girls find it empowering :dontknow:

Do you think a guy going down on you is degrading himself?
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Anonymous #4
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Hm ik how you feel, I didn't mind it until my bf started being weird about them, like holding my head and pushing it down if I try to stop and saying weird stuff. Then I think ew he has got this from porn.
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angelike1
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Porn is mainly targeted towards male audiences and most of it is the dominant type so what you're saying makes a lot of sense from that perspective.
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Old Skool Freak
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm 22 (girl) and only in the last couple of months have i started being 'sexually active' before now i hadn't done anything sexual with a guy, mostly because i have quite low self esteem and was always scared. for some reason tho i find blowjobs really degrading and i dont know why? i know they're not and that the majority of couples do it but whenever i do it it just reminds me of porn and i feel stupid. anyone know why i feel like this and how i can overcome it?
Maybe because it's an act that's traditionally associated with pleasuring the guy (rather than "normal" sex, which is supposedly a mutual enjoyment). Having said that, a lot of girls seem to really like giving them.

Just out of interest, how do you feel about guys (or girls) going down on girls? Do you find that empowering, or do you feel it's degrading in another way?

If it is to do with the fact that you feel that you're "serving" him, maybe you could try a 69...that way, it's a mutual thing (or so the theory goes lol)
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jason12345
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i'm 22 (girl) and only in the last couple of months have i started being 'sexually active' before now i hadn't done anything sexual with a guy, mostly because i have quite low self esteem and was always scared. for some reason tho i find blowjobs really degrading and i dont know why? i know they're not and that the majority of couples do it but whenever i do it it just reminds me of porn and i feel stupid. anyone know why i feel like this and how i can overcome it?
I'm so glad you've posted here, rather than damaging yourself psychologically by forcing yourself to do something you're not comfortable with.

Casual sex for pleasure is degrading compared to using it for bringing another human-being into the world, and this is what your biological makeup is rebelling against. Some are OK with this, of course, and continue to engage with drugs, alcohol etc despite being unhealthy addictions. So I would recommend that first and foremost you decide what you're comfortable with, and then stay out of relationships with men who aren't comfortable with your emotional/physical needs. If others see your behaviour as "wrong" regarding blow-jobs, then fine, that's their view. Move on, be yourself and find your peers who are meant to be a part of your life.
Last edited by jason12345; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #5
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For starters I completely disagree with the user who says casual sex is degrading. I'd say that was a unique viewpoint which was not shared by the majority.

I think you need to figure out why exactly you find giving a bj degrading. I know porn can play a big hand in making peope feel like that but if you take the 'porn' factor out of the equation, it really IS empowering and if you do it in a way that leaves the guy a quivering wreck then you will find you very much are the one in control, not him.
If you really don't want to engage in the act then you will have to have a discussion with him as to why you dont want to. Communication is always very important. Likewise you could have a discussion with him about why you feel like you do about it and see if there is any way the two of you can help you to feel more comfortable with it.

If you don't want to do it, then of course you or him cannot force it to happen because it's unhealthy and you should never ever do anything you are not comfortable with.

However if you do want to do it but are struggling with certain thoughts, you could explore your options, there is of course plenty of ways to play with power, which may help you to see if from a different angle.
I've found in the past that blindfolding the guy or restraining his hands gives me a lot of the power because I decide what happens. This can help make you feel like he is at your mercy and also its playful and fun.
Of course you need to have confidence to start with because it's not easy to say "let me tie you up" if you're self conscious and shy.
So you need to work on that.
I was once told to leave my inhibitions at the bedroom door because it had no place within sex. And it kind of doesn't. It holds you back in general and can really take you out of the moment.
Forget about porn, it is marketed for men mainly and (even though I watch it myself and I'm female) it isn't something I've ever taken tips from because it's designed to look good visually and pretty much nothing else.
If you learn how to use your sexuality properly, you will find you hold a lot of power when it comes to men. You don't necessarily have to even be a supermodel (though I am sure you are gorgeous anyway), you just have to be able to tap into that feminine energy. Being able to understand that cab go a long way in never feeling degraded or dominated. Unless you like that sort of thing lol.
Hopefully that doesn't sound too cryptic.
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