khananee.12
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Hi, I know this a long post but I would greatly appreciate any advice you can offer.

I've applied to uni and have now received 4 unconditional offers- I'm currently taking a year out after college.
I really want to move out and the unis I've applied to are quite far but, my parents are less keen on the idea. When I have briefly mentioned the subject they have responded very angrily and told me outright that I CANT go. This had made it difficult to have a discussion with them about my opinion. However, I believe I will live to regret not taking up this opportunity and so I decided to apply to my desired unis regardless-without telling them.

I am approaching a few areas where I have/may encounter problems;
- Applying to student finance, I put down the name of a local uni for the application in fear that this info may be shared with my parents when they are sent a request to support my application. This did happen, for now, this is a useful cover but I will need to change my application details of the UNI and course I plan to study
I need the higher maintenance loan to be able to afford to move out.
- I plan to tell them 1 week before leaving for uni, any sooner and this will undoubtingly hinder my plan. Their reaction combined with short notice will result in a difficult few days but I would feel guilty if I 'ran away' and told them over the phone. I'm scared that this will put me in a potentially dangerous situation as I can't rule out violence in the measures my parents will take to stop me.
- I also worry that if they found out before then, they would either forcefully put a stop to my uni application or, kick me out. I can't currently afford to support myself financially as I'm trying to save up for uni. There doesn't seem like there's a possibility of them supporting me, let alone accepting my decision.
- A bit of background, I come from an ethnic minority with certain religious and cultural beliefs that allocates less freedom to women. This impacted heavily on my parents' upbringing and that of my extended family, I understand this influences their opinion as well as, the worry that I may be unsafe. However, I can't justify staying because of those outdated beliefs or, to keep them happy as it would be as the cost of my wellbeing and frankly, I want an independent life and not to feel trapped here.
- when I do leave, I'm worried that they would again stop me and, potentially travel to my uni to bring me back. I'm nervous that i will have little power to stop this and fear the humiliation this may bring whilst surrounded by strangers.

Having no one in my family to talk to about this, I have been feeling overwhelmed and doubt whether I am making the right decisions. I would like to know if there is a better way of handling this?

I would greatly appreciate any advice in dealing with this and if anyone has been in a similar situation, please let me know how you dealt with it, what worked well and what you wished you could have done differently.

Thanks
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PQ
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Report 11 months ago
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Do you have any teachers that you can confide in about this? Having someone who understands what you’re dealing with and who can help you with planning would be a good idea.

Also do you have any friends you trust who would be able to help you store belongings ready for leaving before you tell your parents. Getting your birth certificate and passport is particularly useful.

It’s good that you’re saving. Things like accommodation and similar often have to be paid for before your loans are paid through. It’s worth also getting a student bank account with a large interest free overdraft too to help cover those costs while you wait for funding.

If you’re an adult then your parents cannot force you to move home. It’s worth speaking to your university about your worries and asking them to put a flag on your record to warn staff to not talk to your parents (even to the point where they won’t confirm that you’re a student at the university). Where I work we have a handful of students dealing with situations like this and we’re 100% on the side of our student and will do everything in our power to keep them safe.
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khananee.12
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Report Thread starter 11 months ago
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(Original post by PQ)
Do you have any teachers that you can confide in about this? Having someone who understands what you’re dealing with and who can help you with planning would be a good idea.

Also do you have any friends you trust who would be able to help you store belongings ready for leaving before you tell your parents. Getting your birth certificate and passport is particularly useful.

It’s good that you’re saving. Things like accommodation and similar often have to be paid for before your loans are paid through. It’s worth also getting a student bank account with a large interest free overdraft too to help cover those costs while you wait for funding.

If you’re an adult then your parents cannot force you to move home. It’s worth speaking to your university about your worries and asking them to put a flag on your record to warn staff to not talk to your parents (even to the point where they won’t confirm that you’re a student at the university). Where I work we have a handful of students dealing with situations like this and we’re 100% on the side of our student and will do everything in our power to keep them safe.
At the moment I'm out of school so no teachers to confide in, however, I have been to see a local careers service that's funded by the council. They've been helpful in at least listening to my concerns but I'm starting to feel I need to be more prepared.


I do have someone in mind to store my belongings before I plan to leave, its just a matter of asking them. And, I plan to open a student bank account for my student finance once I've figured out which one, in particular, will be best for myself.

I like the idea of speaking to the university beforehand as it would be useful to know what support is available but, who exactly should I let know of my situation?

Thank you for the advice it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this.
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