feeling guilty, am I doing the wrong thing?

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Anonymous #1
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You know when you have a certain spark with a guy/girl like you don’t even know them that well but there’s that sexual attraction from both of you and it’s mutual- a dream right? Well the issue is they’ve got a boy/girlfriend.
I know the initial thought is to stay well away, only a monster would do anything to cause harm to a relationship, no matter how healthy or unhealthy it is, yes it’s none of my business and I should leave them to it!
Which I have done, however I am also friends with this guy, initially through mutual friends and then eventually as we share common interests become somewhat close friends of our own. I’ve danced with this guy initially in a chill way just jamming to our fave songs etc but he gets closer n you know I don’t hate it but I can’t help but feel guilty.. is this too close? Does his girlfriend know about us being friends? Does she dislike it? I would never fully get with him obviously but I know there’s such thing as emotional cheating, I can’t help but enjoy talking to him but should I just step away, am I causing more harm than good? I know I’m not the whole problem and him talking to me too in itself is questionable so he’s not an angel- also I don’t know the girl personally she’s never spoken to me or smiled at me which sometimes makes me wonder if she dislikes me anyway ... any advice or onlooking knowledge would be helpful
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PetitePanda
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If you like him, I think you should talk to that guy (maybe the girlfriend but you don't really her that well so idk) and confess your feelings. If he likes you as well, he should break up with his girlfriend but if he wants to stay with his girlfriend, you should move on. This is my thinking though but its still your choice on what you could do
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Anonymous #2
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If he's the one who is getting closer and he is the one in a relationship then the only person who should be feeling guilty is him. Make it clear to him that unless he's willing to break up with his gf,you don't wanna really get too friendly with him. If he does something about it then fine,if not then stay away from him-it's probably for the best.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
If you like him, I think you should talk to that guy (maybe the girlfriend but you don't really her that well so idk) and confess your feelings. If he likes you as well, he should break up with his girlfriend but if he wants to stay with his girlfriend, you should move on. This is my thinking though but its still your choice on what you could do
I feel like admitting what’s between us is a bit soon like theres a spark but I’m not in love with him majorly, and for me to admit it I’d also feel like a mug as he could just cut the friendship off completely anyway- i think the only way I’d actually admit it to him is if he broke up with his gf but I also know that it probs won’t solve anything just waiting either- it’s a complicated situ which is hard to put in words really but appreciate your feedback
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I feel like admitting what’s between us is a bit soon like theres a spark but I’m not in love with him majorly, and for me to admit it I’d also feel like a mug as he could just cut the friendship off completely anyway- i think the only way I’d actually admit it to him is if he broke up with his gf but I also know that it probs won’t solve anything just waiting either- it’s a complicated situ which is hard to put in words really but appreciate your feedback
I see more cons to this and I feel like you dont really mind if things were kept the same. I think you should move on because a spark is okay but finding someone you love is amazing.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If he's the one who is getting closer and he is the one in a relationship then the only person who should be feeling guilty is him. Make it clear to him that unless he's willing to break up with his gf,you don't wanna really get too friendly with him. If he does something about it then fine,if not then stay away from him-it's probably for the best.
Think this is what I needed really telling to straight, next time things start to get cozy I’ll have to mention it to him that I don’t feel comfortable being close like this while he’s got a gf n if it doesn’t change anything then it proves he thinks he can do what he wants to either of us n that’s not right anyway- thank you, you spoke some sense into me
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by PetitePanda)
I see more cons to this and I feel like you dont really mind if things were kept the same. I think you should move on because a spark is okay but finding someone you love is amazing.
I know it’s toxic I seem to fall into situations like this n then just feel **** either way really- boys are tough n I’m lonely lol but should be looking for something decent and not something that’s just going to make me hurt, thank you
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PetitePanda
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I know it’s toxic I seem to fall into situations like this n then just feel **** either way really- boys are tough n I’m lonely lol but should be looking for something decent and not something that’s just going to make me hurt, thank you
Oh god I was the same but then I found someone who was my type and who cares for me so much - it made me regret falling for jerks or going for someone that wasnt worth it or not putting effort for me. You'll feel that but you'll feel better after a while since you realise what a good decision you make. I'm glad you have that mindset now no problem
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kekedoyouloveme?
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Hey if you like him, you should probably tell him, and also tell her preferably at the same time ;/ because both of them deserve to know, then at least you're not leading anyone on.. and whatever happens happens, if he likes you too he'd let you know and then he should let his gf know if he doesn't its your job... please try not to give the impression of being a 'wrecker' even though im sure you're not but you know who doesn't value honesty, if he's not honest with his girlfriend and he's sneaking off with you you tell her.

But if it wasn't meant to be dont be too hard on yourself, or embarrassed things like this happen and you're not at fault so long as you don't flirt with him like that or graft too hard because that isn't fair on his gf, think about being in her position too and how'd you feel and that helps a lot when it comes to how to behave towards him etc hope this helps x best of luck

p.s this wasn't a guilt trip at all I was just giving advice although I kinda second guessed myself and it sounds harsh but I dont mean it like that, i meant when it comes to how to act always think okay whats the best way to go about it and make everyone happy, diplomatic uno, and think about being in other peoples position because that's key for anything aha
Last edited by kekedoyouloveme?; 1 month ago
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
Hey if you like him, you should probably tell him, and also tell her preferably at the same time ;/ because both of them deserve to know, then at least you're not leading anyone on.. and whatever happens happens, if he likes you too he'd let you know and then he should let his gf know if he doesn't its your job... please try not to give the impression of being a 'wrecker' even though im sure you're not but you know who doesn't value honesty, if he's not honest with his girlfriend and he's sneaking off with you you tell her.

But if it wasn't meant to be dont be too hard on yourself, or embarrassed things like this happen and you're not at fault so long as you don't flirt with him like that or graft too hard because that isn't fair on his gf, think about being in her position too and how'd you feel and that helps a lot when it comes to how to behave towards him etc hope this helps x best of luck

p.s this wasn't a guilt trip at all I was just giving advice although I kinda second guessed myself and it sounds harsh but I dont mean it like that, i meant when it comes to how to act always think okay whats the best way to go about it and make everyone happy, diplomatic uno, and think about being in other peoples position because that's key for anything aha
I completely understand where you’re coming from don’t worry, yeah that’s what I keep thinking, how would I feel if I was his girlfriend and reality is I know nothing about their relationship and that she might not necessarily be happy if I told her but she’d appreciate it more than me doing anything behind her back bc I’m obviously not trying to spite her or hurt her

The thing is if I’m still going to be seen as a homewrecker even if I go about it in the best way possible and didn’t end up my way I still put myself in the position of potentially getting between them and I don’t know if I can cope with it-

I think I’m going to slowly work towards it by hopefully getting him to realise that he can’t get close to me when he has a gf and then he’ll either choose to leave me alone and stay with her (which I would be fine with bc at least I would know and not be worrying) or he makes the decision to end things with her..

Thanks for all your advice x
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I completely understand where you’re coming from don’t worry, yeah that’s what I keep thinking, how would I feel if I was his girlfriend and reality is I know nothing about their relationship and that she might not necessarily be happy if I told her but she’d appreciate it more than me doing anything behind her back bc I’m obviously not trying to spite her or hurt her

The thing is if I’m still going to be seen as a homewrecker even if I go about it in the best way possible and didn’t end up my way I still put myself in the position of potentially getting between them and I don’t know if I can cope with it-

I think I’m going to slowly work towards it by hopefully getting him to realise that he can’t get close to me when he has a gf and then he’ll either choose to leave me alone and stay with her (which I would be fine with bc at least I would know and not be worrying) or he makes the decision to end things with her..

Thanks for all your advice x
yes ofc it gets to that point I had to do it with my guy and another girl I had to say look its me or her, sounds so like *****y if you get me but you gotta do what you gotta do just life ;/ x
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