queenkerry
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my mum and my dad divorced when I was small. I dont have much, not to say, souvenirs of them together. My mom is a successful woman. and she often made jokes about my family on my dad's side. I mean I am not the cleanest child in the world but I think that what she told me was just rude. she used to tell me that she hated so much my aunt because she was dirty when she was pregnant of me or you wanna go? uh? you wanna go to your dad's place. he'll rape you. I hated it because it hurt. my dad is not rich so yes, he could not give me much things. but once in a while he gave me some money. yesterday I met him and he gave me 500 and my mum was like what a miracle!... I hated her even more because I saw he wanted to be the dad he never had a chance to be. he did wrong but she too did. when I was small she dumped her man with three different dudes. so yes. and whenever she gives me something, she'll always make me remember what she did for me. I'm 16 and I cant wait to leave my house...
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Lillydon123
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Its a difficult situation you are in. When a couple fights or splits, it's the kids who usually suffer more. From what you have said l think your mum actually needs help too. An answer you might not like at the moment, but l think she is really psychologically unwell. It seems she has not forgiven your dad so she has gotten bitter over the years. She is not over him at all and unfortunately she is using you to hurt him. She might be acting from a position of depression and using her career to drive herself away from your dad, if that makes sense. When people who love each other turn against each other they can become the worst of enemies.
Dont hate your mum because she has been there for you all your life. Try to understand her and probably be the bridge that brings your parents together. Not as a couple again but to get them to work amicably concerning you.
You have stayed with your mum and you know all her ups and downs, weaknesses and strengths, but you dont know your father that much. You might be comparing them from a very skewed perspective. That's probably why you hate your mum and love your dad because you haven't seen his dark side yet too. He can afford to show you his best side from the few moments you meet up.
Please dont hate but mend. You are 16 and l dont think you would understand the dynamics of relationships and marriages. Try talking to your mum about your true feelings before you leave home
Last edited by Lillydon123; 1 month ago
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Shuchuwa
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You should love your mum regardless
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Chronoscope
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Moved to friends, family and work
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Bio 7
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(Original post by Shuchuwa)
You should love your mum regardless
Not all parents deserve it.
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Shuchuwa
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Not all parents deserve it.
I would say that literally everyone deserves love, but okay.
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Bio 7
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(Original post by Shuchuwa)
I would say that literally everyone deserves love, but okay.
Even an abusive parent?

I'd class some of OP's mother's actions as abusive. Who tells someone their father will rape them?
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Lillydon123
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Even an abusive parent?

I'd class some of OP's mother's actions as abusive. Who tells someone their father will rape them?
I would say she probably was abused herself and never dealt with that trauma. I chose be a bit accommodating to everyone except l really know them. What if he is really a sexual abuser and she is trying to protect her
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Bio 7
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(Original post by Lillydon123)
I would say she probably was abused herself and never dealt with that trauma. I chose be a bit accommodating to everyone except l really know them. What if he is really a sexual abuser and she is trying to protect her
Given we have no other information I'm not going to assume he's a sexual abuser.
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Lillydon123
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Given we have no other information I'm not going to assume he's a sexual abuser.
Just as lm not going to assume her mum is an abuser too
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Bio 7
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(Original post by Lillydon123)
Just as lm not going to assume her mum is an abuser too
Given OP complained and gave examples I'll edge on the possibility. OP is the only one that can judge it.
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Lillydon123
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Given OP complained and gave examples I'll edge on the possibility. OP is the only one that can judge it.
Its still assumption l think. Only the 2 parents really know what caused all that hostility
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queenkerry
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(Original post by Shuchuwa)
I would say that literally everyone deserves love, but okay.
I mean it is really affecting my emotional health myself. I'm longing for emotional stability.
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queenkerry
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(Original post by Lillydon123)
I would say she probably was abused herself and never dealt with that trauma. I chose be a bit accommodating to everyone except l really know them. What if he is really a sexual abuser and she is trying to protect her
my dad once bit my mum. I completely understand her hate... but my dad has never ever tried any kind of violence on me. I mean we should forgive people... and I think just like you're asking me to forgive her she should do the same for him
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queenkerry
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Given OP complained and gave examples I'll edge on the possibility. OP is the only one that can judge it.
my mum is very intrusive in my life... for example she refuses that I put lock on my phone, forced me to break up with my boyfriend and everything she does for me, she'll never forget to remind me it. so yes, if being a mother means giving and loving I do not think she actually does.
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queenkerry
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I cannot do anything. my mum is a famous woman. what can I do? half of the population got her back. it is my words against hers. I never lacked any material things I never slept empty bellied... what would I say? I have no proof of anything... I cannot see her face you understand? I used not to eat a night because I did not want to see her face and as result I ended up being in the hospital because I fainted. the funniest part is that I was scolded for that. what you want me to do? it is not about trying to love... i cant. my heart does not follow. i hate doing the things I've loved to do before. everytime there is something she'll sent her sister to talk to me... i pour some tears for sure but not because I'm willing to change but because I CANT CHANGE, MY HEART CANT. I dont have te strength to... people who understand and will tell me that it is just adolescence.

did you ever thought of something over and over again like obssessionally? like you live for that thing to happen. that's how I feel.
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Lillydon123
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(Original post by queenkerry)
I cannot do anything. my mum is a famous woman. what can I do? half of the population got her back. it is my words against hers. I never lacked any material things I never slept empty bellied... what would I say? I have no proof of anything... I cannot see her face you understand? I used not to eat a night because I did not want to see her face and as result I ended up being in the hospital because I fainted. the funniest part is that I was scolded for that. what you want me to do? it is not about trying to love... i cant. my heart does not follow. i hate doing the things I've loved to do before. everytime there is something she'll sent her sister to talk to me... i pour some tears for sure but not because I'm willing to change but because I CANT CHANGE, MY HEART CANT. I dont have te strength to... people who understand and will tell me that it is just adolescence.

did you ever thought of something over and over again like obssessionally? like you live for that thing to happen. that's how I feel.
I completely understand you and lm sorry you have to go through all that at your age. An abuser has usually been abused themselves in their past. She has deep psychological issues for sure, from what you are saying. But that doesn't mean you have to just take it in. People always shy away from seeking help from counsellors but l think you need to seek help. Will you be able to move away if she controls everything like that? If you can maybe its better for a while to move away. Do you have someone from your mum's side who can assist you to talk to her?
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Shuchuwa
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(Original post by Bio 7)
Even an abusive parent?

I'd class some of OP's mother's actions as abusive. Who tells someone their father will rape them?
Yes, she may be abusive but she still deserves love no matter what.
(Original post by queenkerry)
I mean it is really affecting my emotional health myself. I'm longing for emotional stability.
I feel sorry for you. Maybe you can find emotional stability with a boyfriend.
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Reality Check
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(Original post by Chronoscope)
Moved to friends, family and work
Couldn't it be moved to Teenage Girls Who Hate Their Mothers instead?
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Bio 7
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(Original post by Shuchuwa)
I feel sorry for you. Maybe you can find emotional stability with a boyfriend.
People earn love and respect, neither of those are deserved by anyone as a basic fact.
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