Child maintenance- is my mum or dad right?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Sorry this is long,

Before my brother went to uni, my mum was getting £750 a month in child maintenance. That was for two children- me and him. My mum earns 30k a year to support us as well. In my mum and dads divorce settlement it was agreed my dad would keep paying if we continued in full time education- uni. My brother asked for half of the monthly child maintenance for his few years at uni. My mum explained she can’t afford to so they agreed she would send a smaller sum.

Then me and my mum moved in with her boyfriend which was to a much bigger house. Sometime around this time my parents began going to court because my dad and brother wanted her to give him more maintenance money at uni. I think in my mums head she saw it as her money because my dad hadn’t been paying enough for 8years. I’ve also gotten her to reveal that her boyfriend influenced her. Loads of complications like where my brother was living- one of my mums arguments was she was keeping a room for him. But we’d moved and my brother and mums relationship broke down causing him to be much closer with my dad.

Essentially my brother was left with a smaller uni loan because my mums household income had more than doubled (her boyfriends income added) and he still wasn’t getting half of the child maintenance and didn’t feel like he had a home to return to.
Side note: my mum and dad had baby saving accounts for uni as well so he was getting £500 a term so it was more about trying to keep his loan down.

After the court case, my mum had to pay my brother £100 a month and my dad now isn’t bound to pay any child maintenance throughout uni. But my mum went to the government to judge my dads income so now he’s paying £900 a month for only me. My dad now expects my mum to support me through uni.

When I was 14 I was really confused and didn’t get what was happening. I now think my mum was wrong to keep the money especially when she could afford to move house and I think I didn’t support my brother enough.
Just wanted an outsider’s view on it?
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bones-mccoy
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The money a receiving parent gets from a paying parent is to be spent on expenses for the child only, so food, clothes, essentials, school stuff, paying part of the bills etc, that's the whole point of maintenance. Unfortunately the CMS doesn't require the receiving parent to prove they actually are spending the money on the child so there are many mums out there who spend it on other things but ultimately there's nothing you can do about it. So your mum is in the wrong if she didn't actually spend your brother's share of the money on him, but even though your father doesn't legally have to contribute to your brother's uni expenses, any reasonable dad would.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 1 year ago
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry this is long,

Before my brother went to uni, my mum was getting £750 a month in child maintenance. That was for two children- me and him. My mum earns 30k a year to support us as well. In my mum and dads divorce settlement it was agreed my dad would keep paying if we continued in full time education- uni. My brother asked for half of the monthly child maintenance for his few years at uni. My mum explained she can’t afford to so they agreed she would send a smaller sum.

Then me and my mum moved in with her boyfriend which was to a much bigger house. Sometime around this time my parents began going to court because my dad and brother wanted her to give him more maintenance money at uni. I think in my mums head she saw it as her money because my dad hadn’t been paying enough for 8years. I’ve also gotten her to reveal that her boyfriend influenced her. Loads of complications like where my brother was living- one of my mums arguments was she was keeping a room for him. But we’d moved and my brother and mums relationship broke down causing him to be much closer with my dad.

Essentially my brother was left with a smaller uni loan because my mums household income had more than doubled (her boyfriends income added) and he still wasn’t getting half of the child maintenance and didn’t feel like he had a home to return to.
Side note: my mum and dad had baby saving accounts for uni as well so he was getting £500 a term so it was more about trying to keep his loan down.

After the court case, my mum had to pay my brother £100 a month and my dad now isn’t bound to pay any child maintenance throughout uni. But my mum went to the government to judge my dads income so now he’s paying £900 a month for only me. My dad now expects my mum to support me through uni.

When I was 14 I was really confused and didn’t get what was happening. I now think my mum was wrong to keep the money especially when she could afford to move house and I think I didn’t support my brother enough.
Just wanted an outsider’s view on it?
Child benefit stops at 20 ...

https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sorry this is long,

Before my brother went to uni, my mum was getting £750 a month in child maintenance. That was for two children- me and him. My mum earns 30k a year to support us as well. In my mum and dads divorce settlement it was agreed my dad would keep paying if we continued in full time education- uni. My brother asked for half of the monthly child maintenance for his few years at uni. My mum explained she can’t afford to so they agreed she would send a smaller sum.

Then me and my mum moved in with her boyfriend which was to a much bigger house. Sometime around this time my parents began going to court because my dad and brother wanted her to give him more maintenance money at uni. I think in my mums head she saw it as her money because my dad hadn’t been paying enough for 8years. I’ve also gotten her to reveal that her boyfriend influenced her. Loads of complications like where my brother was living- one of my mums arguments was she was keeping a room for him. But we’d moved and my brother and mums relationship broke down causing him to be much closer with my dad.

Essentially my brother was left with a smaller uni loan because my mums household income had more than doubled (her boyfriends income added) and he still wasn’t getting half of the child maintenance and didn’t feel like he had a home to return to.
Side note: my mum and dad had baby saving accounts for uni as well so he was getting £500 a term so it was more about trying to keep his loan down.

After the court case, my mum had to pay my brother £100 a month and my dad now isn’t bound to pay any child maintenance throughout uni. But my mum went to the government to judge my dads income so now he’s paying £900 a month for only me. My dad now expects my mum to support me through uni.

When I was 14 I was really confused and didn’t get what was happening. I now think my mum was wrong to keep the money especially when she could afford to move house and I think I didn’t support my brother enough.
Just wanted an outsider’s view on it?
(Original post by bones-mccoy)
The money a receiving parent gets from a paying parent is to be spent on expenses for the children only, so food, clothes, essentials, school stuff, paying part of the bills etc, that's the whole point of maintenance. Unfortunately as the CMS doesn't require the receiving parent to prove they actually are spending the money on the child so there are many mums out there who spend it on other things but ultimately there's nothing you can do about it. So your mum is in the wrong if she didn't actually spend your brother's share of the money on him, but even though your father doesn't legally have to contribute to your brother's uni expenses, any decent dad would.
Two sides to every story here. Yes the mum is in the wrong - she should have been giving the money to the brother.

But - speaking as a second wife I have seen the manipulation that goes on with ex wives. My husband has a daughter - he has been paying every month without fail - a sum agreed by the pair of them with annual increases for inflation. He has always given her extra money for things - so little holidays, the dog vet bills etc. The deal was that he would pay for university if she did not go to the CMS again ( it was a very traumatic time) She signed this agreement. Anyway - long story short. He married me ( they were divorced for 8 years before he met me) and he got a new job and he refused to pay for the daughter to have teeth done privately - it could have been done in NHS.

Ex wife decides to go to CMS because she is a trouble maker. The monthly sum is increased by a few pounds and he is told he does not have to pay for university. He probably won't now pay now. He is a decent dad. Daughter can get a student loan like everyone else. I have offered to have her stay with me in my flat ( ex wife will refuse that) There will be no little extras, vets bills, holidays, help with uniform
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bones-mccoy
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(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
Two sides to every story here. Yes the mum is in the wrong - she should have been giving the money to the brother.

But - speaking as a second wife I have seen the manipulation that goes on with ex wives. My husband has a daughter - he has been paying every month without fail - a sum agreed by the pair of them with annual increases for inflation. He has always given her extra money for things - so little holidays, the dog vet bills etc. The deal was that he would pay for university if she did not go to the CMS again ( it was a very traumatic time) She signed this agreement. Anyway - long story short. He married me ( they were divorced for 8 years before he met me) and he got a new job and he refused to pay for the daughter to have teeth done privately - it could have been done in NHS.

Ex wife decides to go to CMS because she is a trouble maker. The monthly sum is increased by a few pounds and he is told he does not have to pay for university. He probably won't now pay now. He is a decent dad. Daughter can get a student loan like everyone else. I have offered to have her stay with me in my flat ( ex wife will refuse that) There will be no little extras, vets bills, holidays, help with uniform
I totally understand, my partner has a daughter and his ex has been nothing but awful towards the whole situation. I know first hand his ex hasn't been spending the maintenance on their daughter, the fridge barely has anything in it, she hasn't had new clothes in ages, can't even ask her mum for £2 for a drink without her kicking off...yet her mum can afford to buy motorbike after motorbike. It's really unfair but now his daughter stays with us 4 nights a week it means the ex doesn't get anything and we can ensure that money is being spent on his daughter.

I dont think his daughter will end up going to uni but even if she did, her mum wouldn't pay anything and use the excuse that she stopped receiving maintenance from him X years ago so can't afford it. I guess his daughter would get a job if she needed to but her dad would always support her financially if she was struggling. It's a shame. All it's done is made her daughter resent her mother, she has absolutely no respect for her and honestly prefers spending time with us or at a mates than at home.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by bones-mccoy)
The money a receiving parent gets from a paying parent is to be spent on expenses for the child only, so food, clothes, essentials, school stuff, paying part of the bills etc, that's the whole point of maintenance. Unfortunately the CMS doesn't require the receiving parent to prove they actually are spending the money on the child so there are many mums out there who spend it on other things but ultimately there's nothing you can do about it. So your mum is in the wrong if she didn't actually spend your brother's share of the money on him, but even though your father doesn't legally have to contribute to your brother's uni expenses, any reasonable dad would.
The CMS really should make the mother prove their spending to a certain extent.
My dad ended up supporting my brother quite a lot through university. Unfortunately he expects my mum to see me through uni so hopefully she will.
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