Extremely lonely second year at uni, how can I meet friends and get a girlfriend?

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 month ago
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I am in my second year of uni and haven't been able to make any friends or get a girlfriend due to my social anxiety. I've been painfully lonely and feel so panicked that almost half of my uni experience has been wasted. First year was a living hell seeing everyone else make friends and guys and girls hooking up or forming relationships was so painful.

I will admit in second year I just kind of dwelled in my sorrows and never made much of an effort to push myself to overcome my social anxiety. I'm nearly twenty and I've never had a girlfriend. The loneliness has only gotten worse over time and seeing lots of guys around me form realtionships and my strong desire to have a girlfriend but being unable to approach girls due to my social anxiety has made me so so lonely. I've tried tinder, even though I'm attractive I have nearly two hundred matches, most girls don't even reply and the ones that have replied the conversations die out quickly and it's always me carrying the conversation. I've been so lonely I've even resorted to messaging my matches on instagram if they don't reply or messaging random girls, they have no obligation to reply, they don't know me but it hurts when they don't, especially on tinder. I've just come to realise that girls would much rather talk with a guy in person than online.

Like I said, I've wasted a lot of valuable time in second year but weeks ago I decided to contact a therapist and I've had a few sessions but it will take a while to overcome my social anxiety. I also get bad panic attacks and worry about fainting or being sick in public, even though these things are irrational. I'm working with my therapist to overcome these issues but it's still early.

It's nearly March now classes end in five weeks, then three weeks for spring break, three weeks for exams, then year over. I really need to make even a few friends before this academic year is over. I was going to push myself to join a few societies in the next week or two and make small talk with those sitting near me before lectures but lately I've had proper depression, like this loneliness and thoughts like girls don't care about me have led to a nervous breakdown which has further damaged my mental health. I've spent the last few days crying and I'm even going home for a few days this week to talk to my parents about this since my next therapy appointment isn't for over a week, this is the worst pain I've felt, I can't just keep all this bottled up inside me.

Hopefully I can overcome this depression pretty quickly if I set myself targets to meet people and make a list of my irrational thoughts in social situations and try to counteract those with postive thoughts but it will take time. I really want a girlfriend before the summer as that would take away this intense loneliness and make me a more confident happy person. I get societies is a good place to meet girls as well as friends in general but I also want to try going to the library late at night like 10-11 pm and talk to girls. I'm attractive so that wouldn't be an issue but I'd worry that I'd distract them from their work, even though they'd most likely be happy to talk to me.

I know this is really long but I'm so depressed now and really want to overcome my social anxiety to a point where I can meet people soon? Does anybody have any other ideas on how I can meet people?
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ToniToniChopper
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#2
Report 1 month ago
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You are definitely working hard to meet people, Im glad.
But it's not about looking for more ways to meet people, but overcoming your fears.
The mind is stronger than the body, and with your hard work to meet more people. Im sure you have the motivation to overcome your fears.
Or maybe, you do have friends, but you just choose not to see them as your friend (Im guilty of that too).
But it's about choosing the best ones that can help you.
And having a girlfriend, it comes with time. If youre rushing into a relationship, you might aswell not be in that relationship
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