Long Term Relationship, Being Ignored

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
So, a bit of context:

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost seven years. Like, since Year 8/9 (yeah, that high school couple). I'm currently away at university, and he's in our home town, a 4-4.5 hour journey away. Overall, we've made things work. The distance hasn't been a huge issue; neither of us are super clingy (especially after this long), so we see each other when we're able to and usually might go a couple of days at a time without texting (though when one of us does, a conversation happens pretty quickly).

During the Summer, when I was at home (but looking after my Nan's elderly dog, so kind of tied to her house), he was supposed to stay over but never turned up and never text to tell me otherwise. He went on to ignore my texts and calls for about a week, and even then only messaged to tell me to stop worrying, he was fine (Spoiler: I knew he was fine as he had been online, and was more pissed off than worried at that point). He went on to keep ignoring me, and when I kept prompting him to explain why he had just left me to it (I have a lot of issues with anxiety which he knows about, and had had multiple anxiety attacks that week), he told me that he just didn't want to talk. I still don't know the reason.

The last couple of days (I'm currently away at uni), I think the same sort of thing has happened. It hasn't been as long as before, but I'm not getting replies again and its set me off on a bit of an anxious spiel. I'll emphasise that I'm not generally a particularly clingy person, but both of us are usually quite fast to reply to texts once we get them. It's only been a couple of messages over the past couple of days, but it feels like a repeat.

I'm not sure what to do here. For the most part, I'm pretty happy in our relationship and, as far as I know at least, he appears to be, too. But with the fact that I'm graduating next year and hoping to move in together, I'm a bit worried about how this is going to work as an adult relationship, aka, what happens when he 'doesn't feel like talking' when we're building a life together?

Also, more short-term: it's stressing me out right now. What am I supposed to do when I can't even get a basic reply? It doesn't feel fair to be put through this much anxiety when it could've been avoided with a simple 'Hey, I don't feel like talking right now but I'll text you when I do'.

Any advice?
0
reply
Lilli22
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
Sorry for the rude poster above.

It's childish of your boyfriend to be acting like this; relationships are about each other, not about yourself. Ultimately, the only way to know what's wrong is to confront him about it. The best way to do that would be face to face; I know this is difficult given the commute but this is the only way you can do it without being ignored/blown off.

I don't think anyone deserves to be treated like this, and it's certainly rude of him to simply not turn up to your house. Perhaps he may be feeling insecure about something, or perhaps you have done something to offend him that you didn't even realise you had done. Don't fret over it. Just be kind and compassionate.

Hope it works out.
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#3
(Original post by Lilli22)
Sorry for the rude poster above.

It's childish of your boyfriend to be acting like this; relationships are about each other, not about yourself. Ultimately, the only way to know what's wrong is to confront him about it. The best way to do that would be face to face; I know this is difficult given the commute but this is the only way you can do it without being ignored/blown off.

I don't think anyone deserves to be treated like this, and it's certainly rude of him to simply not turn up to your house. Perhaps he may be feeling insecure about something, or perhaps you have done something to offend him that you didn't even realise you had done. Don't fret over it. Just be kind and compassionate.

Hope it works out.
Thankyou for the advice!

What's difficult is that I likely can't see him face-to-face until Easter now, so I'm ultimately just left waiting until he decides to answer me. It's just frustrating since he was here with me for a whole week less than two weeks ago: if I had done anything then, I don't understand why he wouldn't just tell me in person.

The last time, I kept asking and kept getting back that there was no reason for it, which somehow made it even more frustrating. I don't know. I absolutely agree that I need to be compassionate, and I try hard to keep calm, but its difficult when I don't seem to get the same treatment.

Thanks so much for your help, anyway!
0
reply
falj499
Badges: 1
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
you should look up Florence Given on instagram and listen to her advice. ‘Dump him’. It’s rude of him to ignore you...for over a week! you deserve someone who wants to come and visit you and spend time with you while you’re home. I know it’s tough, especially as for so long he’s all you’ve ever known but you deserve happiness and not all this anxiety because someone can’t be bothered to make a bit of an effort!
0
reply
darrellbutton
Badges: 4
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 weeks ago
#5
I know everyone says this but communication really is important in a relationship so that both people can express how they feel but if you can't even get a reply then how are you supposed to vent your worries and feelings to him? I think it's childish of him to not be replying like this and I agree with you when thinking about the future and building a life with an adult relationship. It's important to think through before you move in and commit more to this relationship. Maybe try some new things to start up different conversations? I know it's hard being at uni and having a boyfriend back home, I've been there and struggled all the same but the best thing to do is to communicate this to them and if they understand and work with you to make things better then you know that they really care, if they just ignore you and fail to communicate like an adult then maybe it's time to think things through. I hope this helps a little.
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Are you worried that a cap in student numbers would affect your place at uni?

Yes (21)
75%
No (4)
14.29%
Not sure (3)
10.71%

Watched Threads

View All