First time relationships

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Anonymous #1
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So if you've only had one relationship how do you know that it's a good relationship? And that they're the one for you? Because I've had no experience, idk how difficult it's meant to be and how much you should work at it and anything tbh, any advice and experience?

(Btw I'm a very loyal person, not the type to always be wanting better either, I love my bf but the relationship has been very difficult and has been a huge emotional toll on me, which is what caused me to question maybe we're just not meant to be?)
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thebestadvice
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So if you've only had one relationship how do you know that it's a good relationship? And that they're the one for you? Because I've had no experience, idk how difficult it's meant to be and how much you should work at it and anything tbh, any advice and experience?

(Btw I'm a very loyal person, not the type to always be wanting better either, I love my bf but the relationship has been very difficult and has been a huge emotional toll on me, which is what caused me to question maybe we're just not meant to be?)
it was a bad relationship thanks
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sendnukes
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(Original post by thebestadvice)
it was a bad relationship thanks
you truly do give the best advice.
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thebestadvice
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(Original post by sendnukes)
you truly do give the best advice.
thanks a lot much
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ThomasNguyen13
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Hi bro, I love to build up solid friendship with foreign buddies. Should we engage?
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ThomasNguyen13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So if you've only had one relationship how do you know that it's a good relationship? And that they're the one for you? Because I've had no experience, idk how difficult it's meant to be and how much you should work at it and anything tbh, any advice and experience?

(Btw I'm a very loyal person, not the type to always be wanting better either, I love my bf but the relationship has been very difficult and has been a huge emotional toll on me, which is what caused me to question maybe we're just not meant to be?)
That is the same in my country, people always want things better!...😩😩😩
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by thebestadvice)
it was a bad relationship thanks
Can you elaborate at all to help me?

(Original post by ThomasNguyen13)
That is the same in my country, people always want things better!...😩😩😩
I mean it's not that I'm searching for someone better constantly, I just want to know how it should be / feel and how you know if they're the one
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Dunnig Kruger
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How has the relationship been very difficult for you?
And why and how has it taken an emotional toll on you?

You do make a very good point in the opening post.
The quality of all relationships is relative. It can be very difficult to know if a relationship is worth staying in or not when you have nothing to compare it against.

As a very general comment, it's far more common for people to stay in their first relationship for too long than it is for them to break up too early or when they never should have done.

You want to avoid being overly intolerant. Because nobody's perfect.
On the other hand you want to avoid being overly tolerant and staying in a not so good relationship too long.

It all depends on your exact set of circumstances, as to whether you should stick or twist.
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sinfonietta
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Relationships aren't meant to be difficult. If he's a constant source of stress in your life then he's not the right person for you.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
Relationships aren't meant to be difficult. If he's a constant source of stress in your life then he's not the right person for you.
But it may be due to inexperience and timing, my bf said he wished he had a relationship before me to make mistakes with the other girl so he wouldn't have made them with me. I don't know how long you are meant to work at a relationship etc, and if after these bumps it would be a good thing in my life again?
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
How has the relationship been very difficult for you?
And why and how has it taken an emotional toll on you?

You do make a very good point in the opening post.
The quality of all relationships is relative. It can be very difficult to know if a relationship is worth staying in or not when you have nothing to compare it against.

As a very general comment, it's far more common for people to stay in their first relationship for too long than it is for them to break up too early or when they never should have done.

You want to avoid being overly intolerant. Because nobody's perfect.
On the other hand you want to avoid being overly tolerant and staying in a not so good relationship too long.

It all depends on your exact set of circumstances, as to whether you should stick or twist.
You make very good points I have been deliberating. Everything has happened due to poor communication, he was committed first of all, I equalled effort and time but needed time to fully trust and love and was dubious about compatibility, but was happy with him. So he sort of withdrew from the relationship due to perceived lack of interest / commitment from me, his behaviour henceforth became very confusing and upsetting, because by this point I was the committed one and loved more. Everything has gone in a downward spiral, also difficulty due to uni terms, difficult to create a routine (holidays seeing each other a lot then once every 2-3 weeks during term time). I'm not sure if the close bond and happiness at the start will ever be recreated, and it's sort of half hearted love nowadays. I don't believe I could love someone else, and neither of us will leave the other due to honour and attachment, but I'm not sure love is meant to feel like how it does for me, worry and pain.
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Dunnig Kruger
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From what you've said, my instincts are that you should end it with him and start the search for a new boyfriend.


There will be thousands of candidates at your uni. And you will have plenty of opportunities to meet a range of nice young men there.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
From what you've said, my instincts are that you should end it with him and start the search for a new boyfriend.


There will be thousands of candidates at your uni. And you will have plenty of opportunities to meet a range of nice young men there.
As of the summer we will no longer be long distance and will be at the same uni next year, my reasoning for staying with him was that this year was expected to be the hardest and that I should get through it and it'll be easier and better after, if not then I would end it. I don't want to quit too soon but obviously problems are there.
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Dunnig Kruger
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You could try the following exercise to help you make a decision on this.

On a blank piece of paper write all the good things about him and your relationship on one side and write all the not so good things about him and your relationship on the other. Write absolutely everything you can think think of.

Then review your list and see if one side balances the other side out. It's not just the number of things that you write down, but the importance. A few big things will outweigh lots of minor things. Or it could be that there's one thing in the not so good column that is a show -stopper, regardless of what's in the good column.
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