Anxiety around certain flatmates

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Terry Davison
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Hi, im wondering if anyone has any advice regarding this topic. Recently two of my flatmates were making loud noises, screaming etc late on a Wednesday night with up to 10 people over (strangers) and I politely asked them in the group chat to keep it down, which they laughed at and ignored, proceeding to bang on my door to torment me. It may sound like a small issue but it really messed me up and now we avoid each other at all costs it seems and I haven't seen either since really, but only due to making sure the kitchens clear when I go in. One of them has previously made statements about my body, and at the time I thought it was all fun and games but really I was just being laughed at by her and her friends. Anyone experienced anything similar? sometimes im just too afraid to go in the kitchen and il just wait an hour even though im hungry because I genuinely can't face them? Im finishing in June so it's not like im stuck here forever but still.
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Nut tree
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(Original post by Terry Davison)
Hi, im wondering if anyone has any advice regarding this topic. Recently two of my flatmates were making loud noises, screaming etc late on a Wednesday night with up to 10 people over (strangers) and I politely asked them in the group chat to keep it down, which they laughed at and ignored, proceeding to bang on my door to torment me. It may sound like a small issue but it really messed me up and now we avoid each other at all costs it seems and I haven't seen either since really, but only due to making sure the kitchens clear when I go in. One of them has previously made statements about my body, and at the time I thought it was all fun and games but really I was just being laughed at by her and her friends. Anyone experienced anything similar? sometimes im just too afraid to go in the kitchen and il just wait an hour even though im hungry because I genuinely can't face them? Im finishing in June so it's not like im stuck here forever but still.
First of all, I totally sympathise with you. So many go through it. Bullying flatmates make the lives of so many students miserable. Unfortunately, unless you stand up to them from the beginning, little can be done. If you are in hall, you can call out the team and ask for hours of quietness to be respected. Even then, some wardens refuse to apply the terms of the contract. If in hall, can you find anyone quieter like you in another kitchen that you could eat with and maybe cook with so some of the tension is removed at meal times. Not eating because the kitchen is a tense place, will make you weaker. I was non-plussed to hear my flatmates use me avoiding the kitchen because of belittling / smoke/ drugs etc as proof to the warden that I was rejecting THEM!!! How about ear plugs? How about having your computer on low with a film or music to lull yopu to sleep? If it gets TOO much, you could go to student welfare. Good luck!
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Terry Davison
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(Original post by Nut tree)
First of all, I totally sympathise with you. So many go through it. Bullying flatmates make the lives of so many students miserable. Unfortunately, unless you stand up to them from the beginning, little can be done. If you are in hall, you can call out the team and ask for hours of quietness to be respected. Even then, some wardens refuse to apply the terms of the contract. If in hall, can you find anyone quieter like you in another kitchen that you could eat with and maybe cook with so some of the tension is removed at meal times. Not eating because the kitchen is a tense place, will make you weaker. I was non-plussed to hear my flatmates use me avoiding the kitchen because of belittling / smoke/ drugs etc as proof to the warden that I was rejecting THEM!!! How about ear plugs? How about having your computer on low with a film or music to lull yopu to sleep? If it gets TOO much, you could go to student welfare. Good luck!
I actually have a strong relationship with the neighbouring hall next door, that is a wonderful idea thank you so much!
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Nut tree
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Great! Go for it with accepting like-minded nice people next door! Can I feel a pancake brunch coming on?
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mnot
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(Original post by Terry Davison)
Hi, im wondering if anyone has any advice regarding this topic. Recently two of my flatmates were making loud noises, screaming etc late on a Wednesday night with up to 10 people over (strangers) and I politely asked them in the group chat to keep it down, which they laughed at and ignored, proceeding to bang on my door to torment me. It may sound like a small issue but it really messed me up and now we avoid each other at all costs it seems and I haven't seen either since really, but only due to making sure the kitchens clear when I go in. One of them has previously made statements about my body, and at the time I thought it was all fun and games but really I was just being laughed at by her and her friends. Anyone experienced anything similar? sometimes im just too afraid to go in the kitchen and il just wait an hour even though im hungry because I genuinely can't face them? Im finishing in June so it's not like im stuck here forever but still.
This is straight up bullying, you dont have to like your flatmates or have any mutual interests but their is no reason not to just be respectful and maintain a decent standard of living.

Is this in Uni accommodation
You can imo either tell them this is unfair and to treat you with respect and see if their attitude changes or just report them to the uni.

If its not through a uni directly you can still seek advice from the SU and see if this has breached part of the tenancy agreement.

you shouldn't put up with this **** but unfortunately it sounds quite difficult to deal with as you want to avoid further antagonisation. But I would at least seek advice from the SU.
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(Original post by Terry Davison)
Hi, im wondering if anyone has any advice regarding this topic. Recently two of my flatmates were making loud noises, screaming etc late on a Wednesday night with up to 10 people over (strangers) and I politely asked them in the group chat to keep it down, which they laughed at and ignored, proceeding to bang on my door to torment me. It may sound like a small issue but it really messed me up and now we avoid each other at all costs it seems and I haven't seen either since really, but only due to making sure the kitchens clear when I go in. One of them has previously made statements about my body, and at the time I thought it was all fun and games but really I was just being laughed at by her and her friends. Anyone experienced anything similar? sometimes im just too afraid to go in the kitchen and il just wait an hour even though im hungry because I genuinely can't face them? Im finishing in June so it's not like im stuck here forever but still.
Hey man,
Oh I have experienced many situations like this. One thing I learnt is not to blame myself as it wasn't my fault; those people had issues of their own they shoved onto me and didn't deal with. I can put my hand on my heart and say this situation isn't your fault or where you are blameworthy your house mates seem to feel they can get away with it and don't have enough self respect or empathy to act otherwise. I would record everything they are doing, take pics, document and report to your land lord. Whether you are there until June or 2022, you have a right to feel safe in your home. I think keeping your distance is a good rule of thumb for the time being. Also, don't banter or joke around with them; keep convos flatfaced polite and civilised. See how hard it is for someone to make fun of you when you haven't given them unwritten permission for them to joke with you as you don't joke with them. They can't use the political guise of saying "I was just joking" yet they know they are putting you down and you can't really respond. These are my suggestions and I wish you the best!
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