Some dude is making me feel uncomfortable...

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ANM775
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#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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So I know this dude, and when I say "know" I mean barely [I didn't even remember his name until he reminded me of it today]

but the few times we have spoke he's always ended it with "you have a wonderful smile, keep smiling...." which I thought was odd, however never really gave it any thought.

So today im walking to sainsburys, it's around 9pm and he calls out me and comes over. he seems somewhat drunk and wants to borrow some money. I give him a legitimate excuse why I'm not gonna lend him money [I ain't too flush myself right now], and after trying a bit more he gives up and stops pestering me. Then he starts saying goodbye and initiates a hug, I didn't have a problem with that ..........but then he starts looking at man the way a female should be looking at man and says "you have beautiful eyes.."

I'm thinking to myself dude wtf? ....and just sort of give a polite smile and leave ....but I felt very uncomfortable tbh, and given his past behavior I think he might be attracted to me or something. I mean telling a guy he has beautiful eyes right after initiating a hug with him is not something a regular straight guy would do.

I don't particularly care if he's gay but what should I do? I am worried his behavior might escalate even further next time I bump into him.

He did offer to take me out for a drink once, to which I thought he was just being friendly/sociable ...but now I'm not so sure....
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londonmyst
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Just avoid him and let the police know if he pesters you.
He sounds like a weirdo perve looking for someone to sponge money, meals and free accommodation.
I've met too many guys like this and some girls too.
The girls are less creepy and don't perve; they are not looking for any money or meals- just access to a free sofa so they can save on rent.
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by ANM775)
So I know this dude, and when I say "know" I mean barely [I didn't even remember his name until he reminded me of it today]

but the few times we have spoke he's always ended it with "you have a wonderful smile, keep smiling...." which I thought was odd, however never really gave it any thought.

So today im walking to sainsburys, it's around 9pm and he calls out me and comes over. he seems somewhat drunk and wants to borrow some money. I give him a legitimate excuse why I'm not gonna lend him money [I ain't too flush myself right now], and after trying a bit more he gives up and stops pestering me. Then he starts saying goodbye and initiates a hug, I didn't have a problem with that ..........but then he starts looking at man the way a female should be looking at man and says "you have beautiful eyes.."

I'm thinking to myself dude wtf? ....and just sort of give a polite smile and leave ....but I felt very uncomfortable tbh, and given his past behavior I think he might be attracted to me or something. I mean telling a guy he has beautiful eyes right after initiating a hug with him is not something a regular straight guy would do.

I don't particularly care if he's gay but what should I do? I am worried his behavior might escalate even further next time I bump into him.

He did offer to take me out for a drink once, to which I thought he was just being friendly/sociable ...but now I'm not so sure....
If it is getting to the point where he physically starts to behave like a threat to you then you can file a restraining order for now, I suggest just trying to avoid him, keep yourself on the low, do not make eye contact and whenever you're around him just make excuses like you have to go or something
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ANM775
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Just avoid him and let the police know if he pesters you.
He sounds like a weirdo perve looking for someone to sponge money, meals and free accommodation.
I've met too many guys like this and some girls too.
The girls are less creepy and don't perve; they are not looking for any money or meals- just access to a free sofa so they can save on rent.
(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
If it is getting to the point where he physically starts to behave like a threat to you then you can file a restraining order for now, I suggest just trying to avoid him, keep yourself on the low, do not make eye contact and whenever you're around him just make excuses like you have to go or something
Go to the police?
That thought never even entered my mind as I'm a male.

Males don't bother the police for stuff like this.......

I think i'm just gonna have to try to avoid him, and hope that he doesn't try it again.
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MidgetFever
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Going to the police seems a bit extreme imo.
If you see him again and he says something similar then just be blunt with him, tell him that the comments make you feel uncomfortable.
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Reality Check
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(Original post by ANM775)
So I know this dude, and when I say "know" I mean barely [I didn't even remember his name until he reminded me of it today]

but the few times we have spoke he's always ended it with "you have a wonderful smile, keep smiling...." which I thought was odd, however never really gave it any thought.

So today im walking to sainsburys, it's around 9pm and he calls out me and comes over. he seems somewhat drunk and wants to borrow some money. I give him a legitimate excuse why I'm not gonna lend him money [I ain't too flush myself right now], and after trying a bit more he gives up and stops pestering me. Then he starts saying goodbye and initiates a hug, I didn't have a problem with that ..........but then he starts looking at man the way a female should be looking at man and says "you have beautiful eyes.."

I'm thinking to myself dude wtf? ....and just sort of give a polite smile and leave ....but I felt very uncomfortable tbh, and given his past behavior I think he might be attracted to me or something. I mean telling a guy he has beautiful eyes right after initiating a hug with him is not something a regular straight guy would do.

I don't particularly care if he's gay but what should I do? I am worried his behavior might escalate even further next time I bump into him.

He did offer to take me out for a drink once, to which I thought he was just being friendly/sociable ...but now I'm not so sure....
Whether or not you mean to, a lot of this post comes across as homophobic. In particular:

.but then he starts looking at man the way a female should be looking at man and says "you have beautiful eyes.."
Why can't two men do this? Or two women? I think you're just frightened of someone whose sexuality you're not sure of, more than anything else.
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ANM775
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(Original post by Reality Check)
Whether or not you mean to, a lot of this post comes across as homophobic. In particular:



Why can't two men do this? Or two women? I think you're just frightened of someone whose sexuality you're not sure of, more than anything else.
perhaps my wording wasn't the most politically correct ....but I honestly do not care if he's gay or not [I barely know the guy]......... I just don't like these borderline come-ons he's aiming at me,
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Reality Check
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(Original post by ANM775)
perhaps my wording wasn't the most politically correct ....but I honestly do not care if he's gay or not [I barely know the guy]......... I just don't like these borderline come-ons he's aiming at me,
I'd just make it clear to him that you don't want to interact with him, including not making eye contact and walking away if it looks like he's going to approach you. Just be as explicit as you can be, to leave no room for any doubt.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
Just avoid him and let the police know if he pesters you.
He sounds like a weirdo perve looking for someone to sponge money, meals and free accommodation.
I've met too many guys like this and some girls too.
The girls are less creepy and don't perve; they are not looking for any money or meals- just access to a free sofa so they can save on rent.
You can't call the police just cos he's gay man
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Anonymous #2
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It sounds like he wants to make love to your bum.

Just make it very clear you're not into him.
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Dunnig Kruger
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I'm confident that you can you look after yourself ANM775, should this man ever overstep the mark.

His behaviour sound like a drunken character from Viz "Hic, yer me best pal mate, hic... Len' us £1.49..."
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Oxford Mum
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Now you know how women feel. This has happened to me often.

Just tell him bluntly “just leave me alone, I don’t want to know”. I find that bluntness works because if you are semi nice, he may carry on.
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Old Skool Freak
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you lil heart breaker

Joking apart, I'm going to take a slightly different tack on this issue...

As he said you have a nice smile & eyes, I'm assuming you're quite a good looking guy. If that's the case, then you're gonna have to accept that from time-to-time, you're gonna get some male interest. I've also had the odd guy try and flirt with me, but I just brush it off... it's not that different to a female you're not remotely attracted to you making a pass (well maybe not that similar either but you get what I mean lol). I just politely tell them that I'm straight, and 99% of the time they respect that. Just be straight with him (no pun intended) and say that you're into girls, and not feeling his vibe.

Besides, once the boundaries have been established, having a gay mate has its advantages (especially on nights out). You're always making threads about attraction, pulling girls etc. you know, gay guys probably make the best wing-men. Basically, most will know how to talk to girls without mentally undressing them, so it's generally much easier for a group of girls to accept them in the first instance. Then when you rock-up later on, you're also accepted and considered a modern man.
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