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Is this Gaslighting?

Hiya, so I am aware I'll be getting very mixed opinions and am fully prepared to listen to what anyone has to say.

Before I explain I just would like to state, that I am aware of my behaviour and am equally to blame, but I would really like some advice on what to do.

I have been in a relationship for a year and nearly a half, with my boyfriend I love him to bits, we never have ever hit each other or anything like that.. quick disclaimer. Things started off perfectly fine for almost 8 months, we would have arguments but nothing too serious, or too petty or too toxic... ;/ Even when I found out I was diagnosed with BPD things were still fine, I'd have my ups and downs but not to the extent where things were toxic.. well things started taking a very dark turn. I remember we would argue about something and I would get fed up and would want to call the relationship quits, and this is where my boyfriend would say "Go on leave, you know no one would love you like I do, know one ****s you like I do" and very sexualised stuff, that well honestly did make me a little bit horny despite how disturbing it sounds.. He would also tell me whenever I was upset that I was "Overreacting" or that "I was twisting his words" or "You're not thinking properly you need to sleep, or take your medicine"
Reply 1
error: Anyway He'd continue to say this every time we'd argue even went so far as to saying if I was to leave "How God would ruin me" and he's never been the religious type which just made this even weirder. I know this makes him seem like a bad person but he really did make me feel like I was the bad one, it got to the point where I used to say "I'm worthless" and he'd be like no, stop and I'd carry on calling myself names thinking that's what wanna hear I was so mad I continued on saying these things about myself to the point where he'd yell at me to stop. I would instigate most fights tbh because I overreact quite a lot, I am sensitive and bad tempered So I would start 'fights' and behave really immaturely I must say.. However, whenever we'd argue and I said I'd leave in the heat of the moment he would threaten to hurt himself.. So I stayed, I mean I know I should have left but I really dont want to

I dont know what else to do ;/
Reply 2
Hey, I'm so so sorry this is happening to you rn :frown: i really hope that the situation improves soon, this has to be so mf painful to go through... are you ok??
to answer your question, it fits the definition of gaslighting ('manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity') but it depends on how you feel when your bf says that.. does it make you think he's right and that you are overreacting/being irrational??
Reply 3
No I know what he's doing and when I call him out on it he gets so upset, he starts calling himself manipulative and what not.. the thing which makes it difficult is that he suffers from Aspergers when I had mentioned it to my friend, he suggested that people with Aspergers can be seen as quite resolute in their opinions, which explains why he's adamant on me staying but I dont know.
Reply 4
it might be an explanation for why he's resolute in his opinions yeah, but saying that he's gonna hurt himself if you leave isn't something you can give an excuse to at all.. it sounds like he's trying to guilt trip you into feeling bad whenever you bring up a bad part of your relationship that you want to work on :-((
Reply 5
Original post by liliass
it might be an explanation for why he's resolute in his opinions yeah, but saying that he's gonna hurt himself if you leave isn't something you can give an excuse to at all.. it sounds like he's trying to guilt trip you into feeling bad whenever you bring up a bad part of your relationship that you want to work on :-((

ik like I know I won't leave him anyway I think I get so caught up in my own feelings of anger and shame that I say things I don't mean which is why this can go both ways, but it's just concerning and even more of a problem he's stopped doing that luckily we are working on things, such as his behaviour but I just don't know how to sort of calm him down... It's like he just says stuff about me like 'oh you think your little miss perfect, you hurt me" he emphasises that to the point where I feel like as if I'm being backed up into a corner, I'm not scared I just feel defeated and exhausted I love him so much, I know he does but it can be quite messed up at times

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