My mum is having an affair, help?!?

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Help.me.out101
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THIS IS A VERY LONG POST BUT PLEASE READ. So first thing, i’m 15 years old about to take my GCSE’s. A couple weeks ago my dad came to me distressed asking if I know where my mum is as she hadn’t of come home yet and it was very late at night. I used to think nothing of it because she said she was going out to dinner with her work friends but this became frequent, too frequent. My dad told me she thinks she’s having an affair but I told him don’t worry and that he’s overthinking but this morning at 4:00 am I could hear him walking up and down the stairs and he came to my room asking to call my mum. I was confused but I did it anyway. My mum picked up and I was asking where she was and she said she was still out and I asked her why and if she could come back home. My dad butted in and tried to talk to her asking who she was with. After the call my dad told me that he tracked where she was on my brothers phone and we t to the house where she was and a man answered the door. My dad didn’t know what was going on and why my mum was in there so he called the police. The police came and spoke to both my dad and my mum. My mum was telling the police they are having marital issues at the moment and that’s why she was there. My dad could t get her to come out of this mans house so he came back home and I think that’s when he woke me up to tell my what happened. I feel very emotional right know and I don’t know what to do. I feel very bad and worried for my dad as he’s such a lovely man and I don’t think he deserves this. It’s really stressing him out and I feel like he has nobody to talk to about this except me and my siblings. I’ve cried about it and had a semi panick attack which I get frequently. I feel like it’s really going to affect my GCSES and my motivation to do well but I cannot afford to fail. I don’t know what to do, I cannot sleep because I’m so worried about my dad. Someone please give me advice on what to do??????(thank you in advance)
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Dunnig Kruger
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You'll be able to sleep better tomorrow night. And the night after that it will be even easier for you to sleep.

There's not much you can do about this. It's mainly between your mum and dad.

Divorce is common. I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm just saying that it's common.

Your mother will have a good reason for having this affair. Or at least a good reason from her point of view.

It's possible for 2 people to be nice enough people and for them to fall out of love after 15 years of marriage.

Your father is a nice person. If your parents do get divorced, he will be able to get a new girlfriend or wife without too much difficulty. If you can help support him and help keep his self esteem up, that would be good. It would also be in your interests as you don't wan't him getting attached to a horrible step-mum for you.

It's inevitable that you will feel upset about this. Try your best to treat it as motivation to work as hard and as time efficiently as you can in the 6th form. GCSE's: you just need to do well enough to get to the 6th form of your choice. Then it's A levels that are the key exams in your life.

Your mother has acted unethically. Nobody's perfect. She's still your mum.

In the event of your parent's separating, who would you prefer to live with? At your age you should be able to live with the parent of your choice. You are old enough to take on a lot of household chores, especially food shopping and cooking. Getting competent at cooking now will help you when you go off to uni.

BTW my parents separated when I was 10. They are a long way from being good role models, but I still love them both very much. I can fully understand why my dad had affairs and eventually left my mum. I wouldn't have acted the same as him in his situation, but I can understand why he did what he did and I have no ill feeling towards him for going off.

Please give your mum and dad big hugs for me.
Last edited by Dunnig Kruger; 4 weeks ago
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Help.me.out101
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Thank yo

(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
You'll be able to sleep better tomorrow night. And the night after that it will be even easier for you to sleep.

There's not much you can do about this. It's mainly between your mum and dad.

Divorce is common. I'm not saying it's a good thing. I'm just saying that it's common.

Your mother will have a good reason for having this affair. Or at least a good reason from her point of view.

It's possible for 2 people to be nice enough people and for them to fall out of love after 15 years of marriage.

Your father is a nice person. If your parents do get divorced, he will be able to get a new girlfriend or wife without too much difficulty. If you can help support him and help keep his self esteem up, that would be good. It would also be in your interests as you don't wan't him getting attached to a horrible step-mum for you.

It's inevitable that you will feel upset about this. Try your best to treat it as motivation to work as hard and as time efficiently as you can in the 6th form. GCSE's: you just need to do well enough to get to the 5th form of your choice. Then it's A levels that are the key exams in your life.

Your mother has acted unethically. Nobody's perfect. She's still your mum.

In the event of your parent's separating, who would you prefer to live with? At your age you should be able to live with the parent of your choice. You are old enough to take on a lot of household chores, especially food shopping and cooking. Getting competent at cooking now will help you when you go off to uni.

BTW my parents separated when I was 10. They are a long way from being good role models, but I still love them both very much. I can fully understand why my dad had affairs and eventually left my mum. I wouldn't have acted the same as him in his situation, but I can understand why he did what he did and I have no ill feeling towards him for going off.

Please give your mum and dad big hugs for me.
Thank you very much for the advice. To be honest I think I’d prefer to live with my dad. I’ve done some thinking and realised that it was going to happen one way or another and like you said it’s very common. I just have to learn to step up a bit more now and face it because what else can I do; like you said it’s between my mum and dad. I just want them both to be happy
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