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HELPP! :( My sister found out that I'm gay and is going to tell my homophobic mum :(

I think I'm having a panic attack right now omg :frown: Basically today I (17M) was revising for my exam today and I went to have a break, but I forgot to lock my iPad (STUPID STUPID STUPID!) my iPad syncs photos that is on my iPhone (iCloud) and I had a bunch of screenshots LGBT memes, pride stuff and etc. When I came back from the break I saw my sister (who is 15) go through my iPad. At first I didn't think much of it but as soon as she saw me she quickly closed the app she was in and I saw she had her camera app open on her iPhone. She had this cynical look on her face and told me "I'm gonna tell everything to mum and your life will be destroyed" and she ran away then I realised what she meant and what she was doing on my iPad. I think I was shocked and scared that I didn't move for like 5 minutes. I went on my iPad and from screen time I was able to see what was she doing. She has been on photos and messages for fifteen minutes. :frown: :frown: I have LGBT friends so I have texted them about LGBT stuff and my sister probably saw that and my phots as well :frown: I'm really scared now... She keeps rubbing it in my face and says how "disgusting" I am and how I need to "fix myself". I didn't know my sister was homophobic oh well I guess she is. I dont really care about her as we aren't that close and I dont have a good relationship with her anyways.
I'm worried about my mum. To give context family is from Asia and my parents are very backwards. Once I told my mum that my friend is trans (ftm) and she was so confused about that and it was so hard for her to get her head around it (I was surprised since she was a doctor and dont doctors know about those stuff???) after that she told me not to hang out with him and said that there's "something wrong with him" and he can "harm and affect me". Also not that long ago, I was buying 7 face towels and I got a pink one among other several colours and she told me to put back the pink one. I obviously know what she meant by that but I asked her "whats wrong with pink its just a colour" and then she got a little mad and grabbed it from me and said pink aren't for boys its only for girls.<---- Thats how backwards my mum is. I dont know why my parents are homophobic, they are buddhists and buddhism doesn't have anything against lgbt people. Maybe its because our south asian culture. :frown:
Anyways my mum not abusive or anything she loves me very much but I'm scared that she might think me being gay is just a problem that can be fixed or she might think that gay people are 'mentally ill people that harm children' (she has said something along the lines of that). And I don't want her to love me less and I don't want her to see me like I'm a pedo that do bad stuff :frown: I hate my sister so much I'm not ready to come out yet I was think of coming out when I go to uni or something but not right now :frown: I got a mock exam tomorrow as well I'm so scared I dont know what to do :frown:



tl;dr - my sister told my homophobic mum that I'm gay and I dont know what to do :frown:
(edited 4 years ago)

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I didnt realised how long is it sorry everyone :frown:
Reply 2
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I'm honestly not sure what kind of advice to give, but maybe it would be good if you told your mom rather than her finding out through your sister? That way your sister can't blackmail you, and you have a bit of control over the situation.

I'm really sorry I can't be of more help, and I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation with a mock tomorrow :-( Hopefully you'll still do well though!
Original post by Anonymous
I'm honestly not sure what kind of advice to give, but maybe it would be good if you told your mom rather than her finding out through your sister? That way your sister can't blackmail you, and you have a bit of control over the situation.

I'm really sorry I can't be of more help, and I'm sorry you're stuck in that situation with a mock tomorrow :-( Hopefully you'll still do well though!

I just went upstairs to talk to her but my sister was talking to her with the door closed and my mum told me come back in 15mins :frown: :frown: oh god she knows :frown:
Original post by Shibu the Doge
I just went upstairs to talk to her but my sister was talking to her with the door closed and my mum told me come back in 15mins :frown: :frown: oh god she knows :frown:

Is there anything in those messages that expressly proves you're gay though? If not then you could just say that you support LGBT people, there are plenty of straight people who do too.
Original post by WoodlandSorcerer
Is there anything in those messages that expressly proves you're gay though? If not then you could just say that you support LGBT people, there are plenty of straight people who do too.

I dont think thats going to work because there are messages of me talking about boys with my friends and me talking about being gay in general :frown:
Reply 7
As your parents are Buddhist, as you said, they likely have no religious reasons against it. If it’s cultural it can be changed as they don’t believe there is anything religiously wrong with it. I’m sorry for you, but I really hope your parents will accept you for who you are. My parents aren’t really homophobic but they’d be uncomfortable with it I think which is why I won’t tell them I’m bi right now, but they may find out soon and it’s something I can’t change about myself and hopefully your mum will realise that about you and will realise you’re still the same kid.

Nevertheless I’d recommend telling your mum at some point as she will find out eventually. It’s wrong of your sister to make you feel forced to, as it should be your decision as to when and where. I hope it all works out, and I have faith your mum will accept it, even if she’s initially bothered by it.
Original post by Em.-.
As your parents are Buddhist, as you said, they likely have no religious reasons against it. If it’s cultural it can be changed as they don’t believe there is anything religiously wrong with it. I’m sorry for you, but I really hope your parents will accept you for who you are. My parents aren’t really homophobic but they’d be uncomfortable with it I think which is why I won’t tell them I’m bi right now, but they may find out soon and it’s something I can’t change about myself and hopefully your mum will realise that about you and will realise you’re still the same kid.

Nevertheless I’d recommend telling your mum at some point as she will find out eventually. It’s wrong of your sister to make you feel forced to, as it should be your decision as to when and where. I hope it all works out, and I have faith your mum will accept it, even if she’s initially bothered by it.

Thank you for the advice it made me feel a bit better :') and I'm sorry that your parents are going to be uncomfortable with you :frown: My sister and my mum are talking upstairs, probably about me :frown:. I guess I have to admit that I'm gay when they are done talking.... I just want to make her understand that theres nothing wrong with being gay. Im too scared to go upstairs and I'm sweating buckets rn x(
(edited 4 years ago)
If she’s told her then there is not much you can do
Take a breath and try to relax.
Try to concentrate on tomorrow’s exam.
I know it’s difficult but if it’s out in the open she may be more understanding than you think.
She loves you very much. You are her son and that won’t change.
Your sister does not sound very nice but she’s immature and clearly likes to stir.
Wait and see what your mum says and try to talk it through calmly.
If that’s impossible or things get out of hand then try to stay with a friend tonight.
Wishing you all the best for tomorrow
Original post by Shibu the Doge
I just went upstairs to talk to her but my sister was talking to her with the door closed and my mum told me come back in 15mins :frown: :frown: oh god she knows :frown:

Don't freak out just yet... but do let us know how it goes - we're here to support you
Original post by Sammylou40
If she’s told her then there is not much you can do
Take a breath and try to relax.
Try to concentrate on tomorrow’s exam.
I know it’s difficult but if it’s out in the open she may be more understanding than you think.
She loves you very much. You are her son and that won’t change.
Your sister does not sound very nice but she’s immature and clearly likes to stir.
Wait and see what your mum says and try to talk it through calmly.
If that’s impossible or things get out of hand then try to stay with a friend tonight.
Wishing you all the best for tomorrow

Thank you so much for the advice and you're right, I should concentrate on my exam and worry about this later and hopefully she'll understand the situation.
Original post by Shibu the Doge
Thank you so much for the advice and you're right, I should concentrate on my exam and worry about this later and hopefully she'll understand the situation.

Occasionally us mums are prone to moments of overreaction. She may be a little shocked or even feel hurt. She may not understand. But she loves you. And a mother’s love is extremely powerful
If she reacts badly to start with I’m sure it will pass.
If you struggle to deal with things then you can pm me anytime
Original post by Shibu the Doge
I think I'm having a panic attack right now omg :frown: Basically today I (17M) was revising for my exam today and I went to have a break, but I forgot to lock my iPad (STUPID STUPID STUPID!) my iPad syncs photos that is on my iPhone (iCloud) and I had a bunch of screenshots LGBT memes, pride stuff and etc. When I came back from the break I saw my sister (who is 15) go through my iPad. At first I didn't think much of it but as soon as she saw me she quickly closed the app she was in and I saw she had her camera app open on her iPhone. She had this cynical look on her face and told me "I'm gonna tell everything to mum and your life will be destroyed" and she ran away then I realised what she meant and what she was doing on my iPad. I think I was shocked and scared that I didn't move for like 5 minutes. I went on my iPad and from screen time I was able to see what was she doing. She has been on photos and messages for fifteen minutes. :frown: :frown: I have LGBT friends so I have texted them about LGBT stuff and my sister probably saw that and my phots as well :frown: I'm really scared now... She keeps rubbing it in my face and says how "disgusting" I am and how I need to "fix myself". I didn't know my sister was homophobic oh well I guess she is. I dont really care about her as we aren't that close and I dont have a good relationship with her anyways.
I'm worried about my mum. To give context family is from Asia and my parents are very backwards. Once I told my mum that my friend is trans (ftm) and she was so confused about that and it was so hard for her to get her head around it (I was surprised since she was a doctor and dont doctors know about those stuff???) after that she told me not to hang out with him and said that there's "something wrong with him" and he can "harm and affect me". Also not that long ago, I was buying 7 face towels and I got a pink one among other several colours and she told me to put back the pink one. I obviously know what she meant by that but I asked her "whats wrong with pink its just a colour" and then she got a little mad and grabbed it from me and said pink aren't for boys its only for girls.<---- Thats how backwards my mum is. I dont know why my parents are homophobic, they are buddhists and buddhism doesn't have anything against lgbt people. Maybe its because our south asian culture. :frown:
Anyways my mum not abusive or anything she loves me very much but I'm scared that she might think me being gay is just a problem that can be fixed or she might think that gay people are 'mentally ill people that harm children' (she has said something along the lines of that). And I don't want her to love me less and I don't want her to see me like I'm a pedo that do bad stuff :frown: I hate my sister so much I'm not ready to come out yet I was think of coming out when I go to uni or something but not right now :frown: I got a mock exam tomorrow as well I'm so scared I dont know what to do

I'm sorry this is happening. :frown: Honestly, the only thing wrong here is your sister's treatment of you. Maybe flip it on her and say "blackmailing/treating me like you are and being generally a bad person is sooooo much worse". Society accepts gay people more than they accept people behaving like she is. :dontknow: Your sister is probably homophobic because she's grown up with homophobic parents - she's repeating behaviour she's witnessed so I guess she can't be criticised too much.
Your mum loves you, as you said and if she found out you were gay, it would probably shock/upset her but a mother can't help loving her child. It would probably take her some time to accept it. She may blame your friend for 'converting you', so maybe be prepared for that if she ever finds out. I've seen situations where parents have been totally against gay people, but they change their attitude when they find out their child is gay. Not always but hopefully that happens for you.
I think the best thing to do is to come to a point of acceptance. Acceptance that the situation has been taken out of your control and what might happen. I think it's really important to pay attention to your stress levels and emotions during this time, but I think you can trust that your mum will love you no matter what happens.
Oh my god, that's horrible. I would take the other people's advice on here and talk to your mum - that way your sister can't hold it against you. Hopefully, your mum will react well/have a neutral reaction as you said she loves you.
Original post by WoodlandSorcerer
Is there anything in those messages that expressly proves you're gay though? If not then you could just say that you support LGBT people, there are plenty of straight people who do too.

This, if there is nothing in those messages which implies you yourself are gay, you are fine. Like the user said, if they ever question you about it, just say you support LGBT stuff
Original post by Bang Outta Order
Welp. 😂 Spose it happened for a reason. Start saving up cos it'll soon be time for you to move out methinks.

Be careful what you wish for ! You shouldn't be laughing at other people's misery. Keep your sarcasm to yourself.
Reply 17
Original post by Shibu the Doge
Thank you for the advice it made me feel a bit better :') and I'm sorry that your parents are going to be uncomfortable with you :frown: My sister and my mum are talking upstairs, probably about me :frown:. I guess I have to admit that I'm gay when they are done talking.... I just want to make her understand that theres nothing wrong with being gay. Im too scared to go upstairs and I'm sweating buckets rn x(

I hope all goes well. Just make sure she understands there is nothing wrong with you and your sexuality doesn’t determine whether you are a good or a bad person. As long as you’re a good person with good morals and actions which come from good intentions then that’s the best you can be. There are parents who have kids who go out committing crimes or harassing/bullying other kids and other bad things, yet you seem like a good guy so really she should be proud of that and remind her that you choose to be a good person and that being gay is not a choice and it isn’t harming anyone, so there’s nothing wrong with it.
Really sorry to hear that :console: noone has a right to out you, hope things work out ok :hugs:
Reply 19
Awful sister but hopefully your mother can accept it.

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