I think my friend has feelings for me....

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Anonymous #1
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So I’m in second year of uni and there’s this boy I know, we are on the same course and so during first year and the first semester of second year i wasn’t really friends with him and we occasionally interacted. But at the start of the second semester, we ended up sat next to each other in a lecture and we vibed really well together and became good friends really quickly and I now consider him one of my best friends. Like we went out clubbing with some friends and the two of us got drunk and ended up sharing a bed for the night and have been in each other’s flats pulling all nighters quite frequently.
The other day we were up quite late talking online and he sends me a huge paragraph saying how much he appreciates me and is so happy we met each other and then went onto suggest that we go to dinner together at some point and like stay the night at each other’s flats and stuff more than we do right now, like he really wanted to hang out with me more
Idk if I’m just being paranoid but his sudden interest in us getting dinners together and hanging out more has got me thinking that he may have feelings, even my friends have been like he’s been staring at you more and more recently.
The thing is, even though I could see him as my boyfriend (and may have some feelings for him), I do this thing where if I like a guy and I find out that he likes me back, I start to feel uncomfortable and this is the reason why I’ve never had a boyfriend
If this friend does have feelings I’m really concerned that it will make me act differently around him and the good relationship we have right now might be ruined
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ddtteeww117
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I’m in second year of uni and there’s this boy I know, we are on the same course and so during first year and the first semester of second year i wasn’t really friends with him and we occasionally interacted. But at the start of the second semester, we ended up sat next to each other in a lecture and we vibed really well together and became good friends really quickly and I now consider him one of my best friends. Like we went out clubbing with some friends and the two of us got drunk and ended up sharing a bed for the night and have been in each other’s flats pulling all nighters quite frequently.
The other day we were up quite late talking online and he sends me a huge paragraph saying how much he appreciates me and is so happy we met each other and then went onto suggest that we go to dinner together at some point and like stay the night at each other’s flats and stuff more than we do right now, like he really wanted to hang out with me more
Idk if I’m just being paranoid but his sudden interest in us getting dinners together and hanging out more has got me thinking that he may have feelings, even my friends have been like he’s been staring at you more and more recently.
The thing is, even though I could see him as my boyfriend (and may have some feelings for him), I do this thing where if I like a guy and I find out that he likes me back, I start to feel uncomfortable and this is the reason why I’ve never had a boyfriend
If this friend does have feelings I’m really concerned that it will make me act differently around him and the good relationship we have right now might be ruined
I've had experiences like this as well, as soon as someone said they liked me back I questioned my own feelings. I learnt to get through this though; even though it was hard. I would still act as you would as friends and see if he takes it any further. If he gives you a definitive sign then weigh up (in your head, don't want a pro-con list dilemma like ross and Rachel) your actual emotions. But after all, feeling uncomfortable is never a good sign. It may be annoying if you thought something would happen, and if you find yourself really upset maybe reevaluate and try it out, but if things get very awkward it might be for the best. Even if it's harsh when you meet someone that's definite, you know. It's bold to asses your emotions before anything solid and a good idea. Wade in the water for a while and see what happens. Thinking too much can convolute your mind. Enjoy yourself!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ddtteeww117)
I've had experiences like this as well, as soon as someone said they liked me back I questioned my own feelings. I learnt to get through this though; even though it was hard. I would still act as you would as friends and see if he takes it any further. If he gives you a definitive sign then weigh up (in your head, don't want a pro-con list dilemma like ross and Rachel) your actual emotions. But after all, feeling uncomfortable is never a good sign. It may be annoying if you thought something would happen, and if you find yourself really upset maybe reevaluate and try it out, but if things get very awkward it might be for the best. Even if it's harsh when you meet someone that's definite, you know. It's bold to asses your emotions before anything solid and a good idea. Wade in the water for a while and see what happens. Thinking too much can convolute your mind. Enjoy yourself!
Yeah.... like I do this so much. There have been people who I've genuinely had really strong feelings for but as soon as they showed interest in me, I found that my own feelings just kind of went away. I don't know, maybe I'm just scared of dating people because I've never been in a relationship so wouldn't know how to act in one.
With my friend, I do think I have some pretty strong feelings for him but after my friends said that he might be into me, I found that I'm trying to find ways to get rid of my own feelings and feel really weird for some reason. I wouldn't mind him as a boyfriend but I'm just scared of being in a relationship because I don't know how to be in one....
I've never personally known anyone doing this, even my friends who had never been in relationships managed to be in one quite comfortably, how do you deal with someone who likes you back? I just don't know
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sinfonietta
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It's not a "sudden interest". He's clearly been interested in you for a while and you've been giving off the impression you are too. Just friends don't behave that way (sharing a bed, hanging out all night at each others flats regularly, etc).
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Lilli22
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Yes, I have the same problem. When I'm around someone who likes me, I start to feel uncomfortable. I feel very shy and I can't look them in the eye. I even had this problem with my ex.

The only thing that helps is to make sure you feel comfortable with him. You both seem to have something nice. I hope you can work it out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
It's not a "sudden interest". He's clearly been interested in you for a while and you've been giving off the impression you are too. Just friends don't behave that way (sharing a bed, hanging out all night at each others flats regularly, etc).
Really?? Tbh I’ve never really had a friend who was a boy and assumed that things like sharing beds and handing out all night were pretty normal (since I’ve always done that with friends)
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sinfonietta
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Really?? Tbh I’ve never really had a friend who was a boy and assumed that things like sharing beds and handing out all night were pretty normal (since I’ve always done that with friends)
It's normal with boyfriends; not platonic male friends.
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ddtteeww117
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah.... like I do this so much. There have been people who I've genuinely had really strong feelings for but as soon as they showed interest in me, I found that my own feelings just kind of went away. I don't know, maybe I'm just scared of dating people because I've never been in a relationship so wouldn't know how to act in one.
With my friend, I do think I have some pretty strong feelings for him but after my friends said that he might be into me, I found that I'm trying to find ways to get rid of my own feelings and feel really weird for some reason. I wouldn't mind him as a boyfriend but I'm just scared of being in a relationship because I don't know how to be in one....
I've never personally known anyone doing this, even my friends who had never been in relationships managed to be in one quite comfortably, how do you deal with someone who likes you back? I just don't know
I would just act normal. If he likes you then he likes the "you" he's already seen, it sounds strange but that's because it hasn't happened to you yet, Don't get discouraged if you don't know exactly how to act, follow your instincts and own emotions.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
It's normal with boyfriends; not platonic male friends.
Ah okay, I have been spending a lot of time with him in his room at night and stuff, I think we both realise that there is some attraction there but neither of us want to admit it/ are ignoring it
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Joel 96
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You were sleeping in bed with a dude and you thought you're just friends?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by sinfonietta)
It's not a "sudden interest". He's clearly been interested in you for a while and you've been giving off the impression you are too. Just friends don't behave that way (sharing a bed, hanging out all night at each others flats regularly, etc).
(Original post by sinfonietta)
It's normal with boyfriends; not platonic male friends.
um i think your wrong just because you share a bed doesn't mean you have feelings for them i am bisexual so that would mean i couldnt share a bed or have all nighters with any of my friends which is stupid because then i wouldnt have very many close friends or be isolated from them in that aspect you can still be platonic and that's really hetero normative of you as well. Im not referring to this situatio in the question but one in general which you are talking about.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Joel 96)
You were sleeping in bed with a dude and you thought you're just friends?
tbf it was just once
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ddtteeww117
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(Original post by Anonymous)
tbf it was just once
I have done that a lot and to me, it doesn't mean anything, once you know someone for a while or just have a good connection, platonic or not, You naturally draw to each other and that can be normal. If others and you are picking up on a different kind of love, however, you might want to see where it goes.
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Joel 96
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(Original post by Anonymous)
tbf it was just once
Tbf that's every heterosexual guy's dream.
You should have known this would happen, and that he probably expected something more. Lol.
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sinfonietta
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(Original post by Anonymous)
um i think your wrong just because you share a bed doesn't mean you have feelings for them i am bisexual so that would mean i couldnt share a bed or have all nighters with any of my friends which is stupid because then i wouldnt have very many close friends or be isolated from them in that aspect you can still be platonic and that's really hetero normative of you as well. Im not referring to this situatio in the question but one in general which you are talking about.
I'm also bisexual and share a bed with platonic friends of the same sex. So no I wasn't excluding the idea. I still wouldn't hop into bed with a straight person of the opposite sex that communicates the wrong message.
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Anonymous #1
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I just assumed that we were hanging out as friends, I'll give you guys the full picture:
We've known each other properly since about half way through January (I knew him before that as well but not as well) and got close pretty quickly and went out on a night with some of our mutual friends and we both got pretty drunk and went back to his flat (its really close to my own flat) but he was like you're too drunk to go home, just sleep in my room' and so we ended up sharing a bed for the night
That didn't really make anything awkward between us but since that night, we've spent a LOT more time together and have been up till like 4-5am together at least 3 times a week. My friends have said that he's been staring at me more and more recently and he's become much more keen for us to hang out and sleep over at each other's more and also go out to dinner and stuff. He also sent me a long paragraph around 5 days ago just saying how happy he is that we met each other and how much he appreciates me being in his life
I personally didn't think this was anything more than a platonic relationship but my friends seem to think he may be into me, like I do have feelings for him but I won't actively do anything to try make us work and am very happy keeping it platonic but recently he's just been acting slightly more caring/different than he normally is
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I just assumed that we were hanging out as friends, I'll give you guys the full picture:
We've known each other properly since about half way through January (I knew him before that as well but not as well) and got close pretty quickly and went out on a night with some of our mutual friends and we both got pretty drunk and went back to his flat (its really close to my own flat) but he was like you're too drunk to go home, just sleep in my room' and so we ended up sharing a bed for the night
That didn't really make anything awkward between us but since that night, we've spent a LOT more time together and have been up till like 4-5am together at least 3 times a week. My friends have said that he's been staring at me more and more recently and he's become much more keen for us to hang out and sleep over at each other's more and also go out to dinner and stuff. He also sent me a long paragraph around 5 days ago just saying how happy he is that we met each other and how much he appreciates me being in his life
I personally didn't think this was anything more than a platonic relationship but my friends seem to think he may be into me, like I do have feelings for him but I won't actively do anything to try make us work and am very happy keeping it platonic but recently he's just been acting slightly more caring/different than he normally is
What are you scared of? If you have feelings for him then you need to admit it to him and not overthinking things.Why not try having your first relationship? He sounds like he wants a non platonic relationship. Why not go for it?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by mgi)
What are you scared of? If you have feelings for him then you need to admit it to him and not overthinking things.Why not try having your first relationship? He sounds like he wants a non platonic relationship. Why not go for it?
I guess because I’ve never been in a relationship, I just don’t know how to be a girlfriend.... also the fact that we are already so close and know quite a lot about each other is making me think that being in a relationship might be a little awkward because to me, the idea of best friends dating just seems weird like wouldn’t it be awkward if you kissed (especially the first time) and stuff? Like we’ve been platonic for a while now but to suddenly start being non platonic may make it awkward for the both of us.... also if it didn’t work out, I’d lose one of my best friends I’ve ever had.
There’s just so much that can go wrong with friends dating, I always pictured my first relationship being with someone who I perhaps didn’t know as well or wasn’t as close with
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Anonymous #1
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Like I know it’s not the best example but in friends when Ross and Rachel kissed for the first time and she just started laughing because Ross touching and kissing her made her feel a little uneasy at first
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mgi
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I guess because I’ve never been in a relationship, I just don’t know how to be a girlfriend.... also the fact that we are already so close and know quite a lot about each other is making me think that being in a relationship might be a little awkward because to me, the idea of best friends dating just seems weird like wouldn’t it be awkward if you kissed (especially the first time) and stuff? Like we’ve been platonic for a while now but to suddenly start being non platonic may make it awkward for the both of us.... also if it didn’t work out, I’d lose one of my best friends I’ve ever had.
There’s just so much that can go wrong with friends dating, I always pictured my first relationship being with someone who I perhaps didn’t know as well or wasn’t as close with
But everyone relationship starts with risks! It depends on what you want. Do you want to be in love and to be kissed by a person whom you care about? And being intimate with someone you didn't know well is probably not good for you either. So having a great friend who becomes your lover is a risk worth taking. And over thinking things is not good. Whats wrong with having a bf who you really like and respect and fancy? You fancy him, right? So you can date him? why worry? you csnt see the future? why would he or you be awkward just because you like each other? You could probably talk it through anyway. So take him out for a drink dnd be open and honest and tell him that you fancy hom and that you need date him. Blunt honesty will help you.
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