I hate myself, why can't I change?

I can't stop crying.
I can't stop scratching.
I can't let anyone know how I feel.
I'm living a lie.
I have no one.
I hate myself.

Please, how can I stop crying? You can hear everything in my house and I can't let my parents know I feel this low again.

Reply 1

wanderlust.xx

18

Are you the female version of me, seriously?

I was like this close to about two months ago. Just learn to let go, and not give two craps about anyone else but yourself. Learn that the only people close to you are those that you want.

You know the saying, "You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family"? I broke it.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

But my family are amazing, I just have serious issues opening up to anyone in the world. I just don't want them to hear my crying. They think I'm getting better... :frown:

Reply 3

chr15chr15

12

i like the way you assumed the OP is female wanderlust unless you saw her unanonymous?.
OP, you clearly are unhappy with your current situation and this is whats leading you to cry, pretty much everyone finds it hard to shut off emotion its almost impossible to do it completely.
The only way i see for you to go is to change your situation. Tell someone, even if its a private message to someone on here or another website, talking will help!

hope this is sorted out soon!

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Its easy to say that, but even after 15 years of people saying that to me, I still can't talk to people, i just can't. I'm so pathetic :frown:

Reply 5

benwellsday

12

Why does it matter if they know? They won't be dissapointed if you aren't getting better and they'll be able to support you. They have already been through growing up and have all the helpful hints for sorting out problems that you never thought they'd of had.

And yeah, what above post said, telling someone, even someone you don't know can help it, I think the first step is getting it out, then you fix it, whatever it is.

Reply 6

sussexy

You probably have good reason to hate yourself. Most people who hate themselves do. Find someone who you respect and admire and ask them to give you an honest evaluation and suggest improvements. You can become a better person but you need help.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

I don't have anyone that I can talk to. I hate this depression, its triggered too easily :frown:

Reply 8

chr15chr15

12

Anonymous

Its easy to say that, but even after 15 years of people saying that to me, I still can't talk to people, i just can't. I'm so pathetic :frown:

i never said it would be easy but its just something you have to do. I'm similar i rarely give anything about myself away and hide who i truly am. However around a year ago now i met someone and she was the first person i could truly open up to, i hope you get someone similar by a stroke of luck.

Reply 9

sussexy

Anonymous

But my family are amazing, I just have serious issues opening up to anyone in the world. I just don't want them to hear my crying. They think I'm getting better... :frown:

You're doing the right thing. Your parents don't deserve to be dragged down with you. Put on a brave face and get help from someone outside your family.

Reply 10

LearningMath

14

Anonymous

Its easy to say that, but even after 15 years of people saying that to me, I still can't talk to people, i just can't. I'm so pathetic :frown:

Yeah pretty much

JOKE - Ummm i'm not very knowledgable on depression.... I think apricots help, they have a chemical which helps balance the un-balanced.

Errr, chin up it'l get better.. :wink:

Reply 11

wanderlust.xx

18

chr15chr15

i like the way you assumed the OP is female wanderlust unless you saw her unanonymous?.
OP, you clearly are unhappy with your current situation and this is whats leading you to cry, pretty much everyone finds it hard to shut off emotion its almost impossible to do it completely.
The only way i see for you to go is to change your situation. Tell someone, even if its a private message to someone on here or another website, talking will help!

hope this is sorted out soon!

Shhhh, I slipped up, don't tell anyone. :ninja:

Yeah, but OP, you can only open up to people when you realise that other people think the same as you - they're not robots and they understand your emotions, so just go up to them and ask.

Oh, and of course, you have to give us all a smile! :p:

Reply 12

sussexy

Anonymous

I don't have anyone that I can talk to. I hate this depression, its triggered too easily :frown:

Maybe it wouldn't trigger so easily if you had some friends. Put yourself out there. Alcohol will be a huge help if you're socially ******ed.

Reply 13

abu.10

1

give us more info, why do you feel this way??

Reply 14

benwellsday

12

What do you mean by you can't talk to people? In person, on msn, people you know, etc.? Only wondering because I have some odd social issues, and I seem to be able to open up to people on msn that I barely talk to, but when its people I've known all my life I can't tell them anything. I deal with my problems via alcohol and music though. It works sometimes, makes it worse alot of the time, and I wouldn't reccommend it.

Reply 15

LearningMath

14

sussexy

Maybe it wouldn't trigger so easily if you had some friends. Put yourself out there. Alcohol will be a huge help if you're socially ******ed.

Smooth. Real smooth.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00654/news-graphics-2007-_654170a.jpg

Reply 16

GodspeedGehenna

3

LearningMath

JOKE - Ummm i'm not very knowledgable on depression.... I think apricots help, they have a chemical which helps balance the un-balanced.

Wow. Why is it that not many people realise that the whole "chemical-imbalance" thing is just a weakly supported theory?

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

abu.10

give us more info, why do you feel this way??

The long term problem is that I have depression, and apparently haven't found the right way to overcome it yet.

The more immediate reason is because I kissed a guy last night (plus a few other things)- he's a good friend, but has a girlfriend. And because I'm so rubbish and can't tell people how I feel, he's still with his girlfriend, despite telling me he doens't want her, he wants me..but she's forgiven him for doing what we did.

And just for the record, i do have friends..just I have the problem that I CANNNOT open up. I don't know why.

-Sussexy, I just have to say your comments aren't helping me-please don't bother commenting if you're just going to carry on along those lines.

Reply 18

LearningMath

14

GodspeedGehenna

Wow. Why is it that not many people realise that the whole "chemical-imbalance" thing is just a weakly supported theory?

The kind of people who-know-****-all-about-depression-but-try-to-help-by-chucking-random-rumors-at-the-OP.

:yes:

Reply 19

xBillyBrownx

14

You're not pathetic. You just have to cut yourself some slack. I obviously have no idea what it is that's making you so unhappy, but I'm sure it's something you can talk to your loved ones about. Having a good family who care about you and who will listen to you is a privilege, and definitely one you should make use of. I'm sure they'll be happy to listen to you and help you as much as they can. Whatever it is that's bothering you, I'm sure it'll be alright. Nothing is worth suffering alone/silently.. You must try and cheer yourself up and make yourself happy, because it's something only you can change - nobody can do it for you.
Good luck with it all :redface:

. I hope things work out for you.

I hate myself, why can't I change?

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