Sexually incompatible?

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Anonymous #1
#1
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My sex drive does fluctuate during my cycle but I seem to have a higher sex drive than my bf. Actually I think we are equally horny, but I'm very easy to make orgasm and it feels better each time. Whereas for him, the most he will have is 3 in one day (like max, and that's only if we haven't met for ages as LDR). Even then it'll take longer each time for him to orgasm and he's quite hard to make orgasm compared together guys. He also says it doesn't feel as good after too many times, so prefers once. Kinda weird because it's usually the other way round gender wise.

In addition, due to his porn use and idiosyncratic masturbation, when we have had sex he has not orgasmed (I happily give bjs btw). Having sex with a guy who does not orgasm is awful, it feels awful, particularly when you love that person, and he obviously now feels pressured to orgasm, I'm not as enthusiastic or playful. We therefore haven't found our groove with that and he kind of said sex does not matter and that we don't have to have sex ever again.

However I feel a longing to have sex not just the physical side, I really want to have emotional, passionate, and fulfilling sex (that my partner enjoys and orgasms from, I would never be happy if I orgasm and he didn't), and to bond and be one and have that extra intimacy with a partner I love, to feel even closer to them. The fact that he doesn't orgasm during sex indicates sex for him is only the physical.

I do not want a short term sexual relationship or ONS, for me to really enjoy sexual activity I have to have a good emotional connection, I want it to mean something. I am sort of asexual in the sense that I find other men attractive, but I do not wish to have sex with them because I have no emotional connection to them, I have a high sex drive for my bf only.

I really don't want to leave my bf for this because sex isn't that important to me, but I don't want it to turn into a completely platonic love relationship. Sorry if tsr inappropriate, any advice or thoughts?
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Anonymous #2
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Guys can’t orgasm multiple times in a day. For me I only feel the first one then it has to be at least 12 hours or nothing comes out no matter how long I stroke for.

You’re right sex isn’t everything and I’ve been dumped for this reason in the past and it’s pretty depressing for me
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Anonymous #2
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Males don’t feel much during sex anyway at least I dont
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My sex drive does fluctuate during my cycle but I seem to have a higher sex drive than my bf. Actually I think we are equally horny, but I'm very easy to make orgasm and it feels better each time. Whereas for him, the most he will have is 3 in one day (like max, and that's only if we haven't met for ages as LDR). Even then it'll take longer each time for him to orgasm and he's quite hard to make orgasm compared together guys. He also says it doesn't feel as good after too many times, so prefers once. Kinda weird because it's usually the other way round gender wise.

In addition, due to his porn use and idiosyncratic masturbation, when we have had sex he has not orgasmed (I happily give bjs btw). Having sex with a guy who does not orgasm is awful, it feels awful, particularly when you love that person, and he obviously now feels pressured to orgasm, I'm not as enthusiastic or playful. We therefore haven't found our groove with that and he kind of said sex does not matter and that we don't have to have sex ever again.

However I feel a longing to have sex not just the physical side, I really want to have emotional, passionate, and fulfilling sex (that my partner enjoys and orgasms from, I would never be happy if I orgasm and he didn't), and to bond and be one and have that extra intimacy with a partner I love, to feel even closer to them. The fact that he doesn't orgasm during sex indicates sex for him is only the physical.

I do not want a short term sexual relationship or ONS, for me to really enjoy sexual activity I have to have a good emotional connection, I want it to mean something. I am sort of asexual in the sense that I find other men attractive, but I do not wish to have sex with them because I have no emotional connection to them, I have a high sex drive for my bf only.

I really don't want to leave my bf for this because sex isn't that important to me, but I don't want it to turn into a completely platonic love relationship. Sorry if tsr inappropriate, any advice or thoughts?
How long have you two being seeing eachother?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Males don’t feel much during sex anyway at least I dont
That's interesting... I always thought males felt more and they always like it more than women. Without sounding like a creep why doesnt it feel like much?

(Original post by Anonymous)
Guys can’t orgasm multiple times in a day. For me I only feel the first one then it has to be at least 12 hours or nothing comes out no matter how long I stroke for.

You’re right sex isn’t everything and I’ve been dumped for this reason in the past and it’s pretty depressing for me
That's also interesting, though I think that depends on the guy? But good to know my bf isn't the only one and it's not my fault or something. Sorry to hear that as well
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That's also interesting, though I think that depends on the guy? But good to know my bf isn't the only one and it's not my fault or something. Sorry to hear that as well
Only mainly pornstars can keep going, but they also inject a delay agent into the peen
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Anonymous #2
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Nope males never feel more, the female has around 3x-10x the amount of nerves in every area plus the female has more pleasure areas and females can keep going which is why a lot guys wish to be female especially how you see some that shake uncontrollably

Honestly I wish I knew why guys don’t feel much
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Anonymous #3
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Suppose it depends on how long you two have been together?
Is he still tugging the tiger? As alot of guys have a habit of doing that too much and losing the sensation in sex, also known as Death Grip Syndrome where the guy tugs it far too hard and nerves become almost accustom to that tight of a feeling in his hand and can compare in a sex situation
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Mapleservers
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Suppose it depends on how long you two have been together?
Is he still tugging the tiger? As alot of guys have a habit of doing that too much and losing the sensation in sex, also known as Death Grip Syndrome where the guy tugs it far too hard and nerves become almost accustom to that tight of a feeling in his hand and can compare in a sex situation
How does a guy fix death grip
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Suppose it depends on how long you two have been together?
Is he still tugging the tiger? As alot of guys have a habit of doing that too much and losing the sensation in sex, also known as Death Grip Syndrome where the guy tugs it far too hard and nerves become almost accustom to that tight of a feeling in his hand and can compare in a sex situation
Just like how a female can become too loose by using to big of toys
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Mapleservers)
How does a guy fix death grip
Literally dont **** for at least 3-4 weeks, when you do, change the technique so your nerves get use to the less feeling, also theres a oil cream called man 1 man oil which does wonders
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londonmyst
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It sounds like sexual incompatibility or a health issue to me.
Does he spend a lot of time watching porn?
It could be that he prefers porn to sex or only gets his thrills from particular types of kink porn.
Alternatively he could be unwell, feeling very stressed or depressed.

I view a partner saying that "sex does not matter and that we don't have to have sex ever again" as a major red flag.
I'm not suggesting that a relationship should be entirely based on sexual lust, my last relationship ended in a sordid breakup because of the ex's relentless sexual appetite and the dirty little adventures he wasn't keen on me finding out about.
But the absence of sex can often be indicative of a lack of sexual attraction and the lack of a desire for affection & intimacy on the part of the person who has little or no interest in maintaining a healthy sex life.
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Mapleservers
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Literally dont **** for at least 3-4 weeks, when you do, change the technique so your nerves get use to the less feeling, also theres a oil cream called man 1 man oil which does wonders
Could you just not touch it for the 3-4 weeks then jump into sex? I heard also a female being wet can cause numbness
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Mapleservers)
Could you just not touch it for the 3-4 weeks then jump into sex? I heard also a female being wet can cause numbness
I'm just telling you from experience, use to **** so tightly and hard that it ruined my sex drive and life, to the point I couldn't feel a BJ

To lose the nerves from 18 to mid 20s through tugging was a killer but you will need to change up as you wont keep it up lol
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Suppose it depends on how long you two have been together?
Is he still tugging the tiger? As alot of guys have a habit of doing that too much and losing the sensation in sex, also known as Death Grip Syndrome where the guy tugs it far too hard and nerves become almost accustom to that tight of a feeling in his hand and can compare in a sex situation
I don't think he has death grip syndrome because he comes easily from a bj in say 5 - 15mins, but he masturbates in a very specific way focusing on the specific bit, and does it incredibly fast (I've never been able to give him a hand job). Because we are LDR he obviously masturbates. But I think that's partly why sex isn't enough stimulation for him.

(Original post by londonmyst)
It sounds like sexual incompatibility or a health issue to me.
Does he spend a lot of time watching porn?
It could be that he prefers porn to sex or only gets his thrills from particular types of kink porn.
Alternatively he could be unwell, feeling very stressed or depressed.

I view a partner saying that "sex does not matter and that we don't have to have sex ever again" as a major red flag.
I'm not suggesting that a relationship should be entirely based on sexual lust, my last relationship ended in a sordid breakup because of the ex's relentless sexual appetite and the dirty little adventures he wasn't keen on me finding out about.
But the absence of sex can often be indicative of a lack of sexual attraction and the lack of a desire for affection & intimacy on the part of the person who has little or no interest in maintaining a healthy sex life.
Yes he had been watching porn and told me he preferred watching porn to having sex. Which made me sad. He said I misinterpreted and he meant prefers masturbating to porn rather than using pcitures of me. He did say he prefers cuddling, kissing, bjs from me to porn. But anyway we decided porn was a no go.

Sorry to hear about your ex Thank you, I was confused as to why an 18 year old guy would be happy to have no sex... it shows he isn't using me for sex but :/ At the start of the relationship he was very sexually interested in me and wanted intimacy on all levels.

I should probably talk to him about it? But it's a sensitive and difficult topic, as it's unlikely he will admit to not being attracted anymore and he'll say I'm worrying too much etc. But I am concerned. How should I go about this conversation?
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Apachecow
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(Original post by Anonymous)
How should I go about this conversation?
Take the focus off him having an orgasm. Have fun and if it happens, it happens. You are getting fixated on it and it's spoiling things.

Sex is as much in your head as with your body. Different guys have different length refractory periods (time before they can ejaculate again) and I think you need to respect that. Sex can be anything, even if that's just him watching you masturbate, he may well get turned on and join in.....
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think he has death grip syndrome because he comes easily from a bj in say 5 - 15mins, but he masturbates in a very specific way focusing on the specific bit, and does it incredibly fast (I've never been able to give him a hand job). Because we are LDR he obviously masturbates. But I think that's partly why sex isn't enough stimulation for him.


Yes he had been watching porn and told me he preferred watching porn to having sex. Which made me sad. He said I misinterpreted and he meant prefers masturbating to porn rather than using pcitures of me. He did say he prefers cuddling, kissing, bjs from me to porn. But anyway we decided porn was a no go.

Sorry to hear about your ex Thank you, I was confused as to why an 18 year old guy would be happy to have no sex... it shows he isn't using me for sex but :/ At the start of the relationship he was very sexually interested in me and wanted intimacy on all levels.

I should probably talk to him about it? But it's a sensitive and difficult topic, as it's unlikely he will admit to not being attracted anymore and he'll say I'm worrying too much etc. But I am concerned. How should I go about this conversation?
That is going to be a very difficult and perhaps painful conversation.
Maybe beginning by asking him about his future plans for uni, work and then progress onto talking about how each of your view the relationship.
That way, you will be able to get a sense of whether you are on the same wavelength about other things and compatible on that level.

Go with your gut instinct; if you have a feeling that it would be better to wait a few weeks and focus on other aspects of your relationship- trust your instincts.
You could switch the focus onto physical contact, affection and shared interests- see if that improves the situation for either of you.
But if nothing changes, it may be a sign that the relationship is close to expiry date and a breakup is imminent.
Good luck!
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
In addition, due to his porn use and idiosyncratic masturbation, when we have had sex he has not orgasmed (I happily give bjs btw). Having sex with a guy who does not orgasm is awful, it feels awful, particularly when you love that person, and he obviously now feels pressured to orgasm, I'm not as enthusiastic or playful. We therefore haven't found our groove with that and he kind of said sex does not matter and that we don't have to have sex ever again.
Apologies for the selective quoting, but I wanted to comment on certain selected things that you said

Yes it is emotionally better if your partner orgasms during sex.

However you are not taking into account the difference in biology between men and women.

Women can have multiple orgasms in the space of 30 minutes. Men generally can't reach a plateau like women can and then stay there with repetitive orgasms.
Men take an average of 5 minutes of sexual stimulation to orgasm. For women it's nearer 15 minutes.

Maybe the way that you should look at it is to treat a 12 hour period as a single long love making session? With breaks for meals, plus whatever else you want to do. And as long as he orgasms once, you've satisfied him. A lot.
And even if he orgasms zero times, it was still a pleasureable intimate period of time you spent together. IE put a positive spin on it and not a negative one.

Skilled love making in a couple is down to delaying the male orgasm for as long as possible, whilst bringing on the female one. And then, either before or after he ejaculates, there are enough sexual things that a man can do with a woman that don't involve the penis at all.

The two of you sound sexually compatible enough. But you seem to have unrealistic expectations in terms of how often your boyfriend will want to or be able to ejaculate in a 12 to 24 hour period.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Males don’t feel much during sex anyway at least I dont
I do! I feel loads. Physically and emotionally.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Suppose it depends on how long you two have been together?
Is he still tugging the tiger? As alot of guys have a habit of doing that too much and losing the sensation in sex, also known as Death Grip Syndrome where the guy tugs it far too hard and nerves become almost accustom to that tight of a feeling in his hand and can compare in a sex situation
Death Grip Syndrome disappears after a few days of readjusting masturbatory technique - for most men.
And the boyfriend does not appear to have this, as he orgasms easily enoug through a variety of sexual acts with the OP.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Just like how a female can become too loose by using to big of toys
Babies come out from there! You can have sex with a woman that's given birth 48 hours earlier (assuming no vaginal tears) and it'll feel the same as before she gave birth. The vagina is an amazingly elastic organ.

This too loose thing is a load of nonsene. If a woman becomes very relaxed and lubricated down there, all the man has to do is to alter the angle to get the stimulation he needs to orgasm.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Literally dont **** for at least 3-4 weeks, when you do, change the technique so your nerves get use to the less feeling, also theres a oil cream called man 1 man oil which does wonders
No sex for 3 to 4 weeks? Why? That's not going to do any good. It's too long a period.

The OP should carry on having sex as often as she has done. And to do more or less the same things as ever. All she needs to do is to stop feeling guilty about her boyfriend not being some Warren Beaty / Gerald Ratner / porn star super stud.
And maybe the 2 of them could adjust their love making techniques a little bit to give each other even more mutual pleasure?
But then that's all part of the getting to know and understand each other through mixing things up attitude that each of them should have and appear to have.
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes he had been watching porn and told me he preferred watching porn to having sex. Which made me sad. He said I misinterpreted and he meant prefers masturbating to porn rather than using pcitures of me. He did say he prefers cuddling, kissing, bjs from me to porn. But anyway we decided porn was a no go.
It's OK if he prefers looking at pictures or videos of other woman to looking at ones of you when he masturbates. Just as it's OK if you have sexual fantasies involving other men.

It's good that you cleared up the misunderstanding. He does prefer sex with you to masturbating. That's great!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It's OK if he prefers looking at pictures or videos of other woman to looking at ones of you when he masturbates. Just as it's OK if you have sexual fantasies involving other men.

It's good that you cleared up the misunderstanding. He does prefer sex with you to masturbating. That's great!
Honestly mate you’re completely wrong - firstly men can orgasm multiple time’s, you just sit on them and keep going with your hands and they’ll swirm around in pleasure

5 Minutes?! Not a single guy I’ve been with has lasted that and believe me I’ve slept around a lot. It’s always an average of 25 minutes or 30 including foreplay

Most of my male partners feel nothing compared to females


Yes baby’s come out of there although it’s can widen, why do you think they’re kegal exercises to tighten it?
If I’ve been taking a circumference of 8 inches for 5 years then drop to a 4 inch circumference I wouldn’t feel that 4 inch neither would he as it would have stretched too much.


Imo most women class it as cheating if he watches porn during a relationship as it technically is. We never watch it when we’re in relationships
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Dunnig Kruger
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#20
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Males don’t feel much during sex anyway at least I dont
So, last week, Anonymous #2, you were giving us your experience of having sex as a man...
(Original post by Anonymous)
Honestly mate you’re completely wrong - firstly men can orgasm multiple time’s, you just sit on them and keep going with your hands and they’ll swirm around in pleasure

5 Minutes?! Not a single guy I’ve been with has lasted that and believe me I’ve slept around a lot. It’s always an average of 25 minutes or 30 including foreplay

Most of my male partners feel nothing compared to females


Yes baby’s come out of there although it’s can widen, why do you think they’re kegal exercises to tighten it?
If I’ve been taking a circumference of 8 inches for 5 years then drop to a 4 inch circumference I wouldn’t feel that 4 inch neither would he as it would have stretched too much.


Imo most women class it as cheating if he watches porn during a relationship as it technically is. We never watch it when we’re in relationships
...and this week you're telling us about your male partners? And how you've slept with a lot of them?

Okay...

BTW:
https://www.thesun.co.uk/living/1837...han-you-think/
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