Was i dumb and selfish in this situation? (it's long but please can you answer it)

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maryam2306
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I decided to go to the same college as one of my good friends from secondary school back in September, which was a very big mistake because my introverted, quiet ass thought it was ok to not make my own new friends and stick with the one I came to college with because we were friends since Year 7 so I thought that we would always be close , I am definitely not that naïve anymore looool, that was stupid of me because now I am either by myself, this by choice btw, or with my 1 friend that I made by myself. Unlike me he is very social and wanted to make friends whom he could go out with, go party with and all, which we couldn’t deliver back in secondary school because we (me and another girl) were not able to do due to overly overly protective parents who go on a rampage over simple things like coming home 5 minutes after a curfew. He started making new friends whom I loveeee, they are such a nice group of girls, I can sit here and say so much nice things about them, I honestly love them BUT here is the problem , I do not vibe with them very well, our conversations don’t flow, OUR LIFESTYLES ARE OPPOSITE, like veryyyy opposite indeed. They prefer going out and getting lit, getting high, living their best life, going out to motives on college nights and they also unfortunately come to college for all the wrong reasons, for the boys, to show off their best outfits etc. another reason why this friendship cannot go out of the college walls is because of the age difference they are 18-19 (excluding my good friend, he will stay out until midnight on a school evening regardless of what his parents say because he is a rebellious guy) Whereas I am 16 and my parents are certainly not ok with that me staying out until midnight on a college evening, adding on to the fact that they are very very very over protective so that will not work out . Another reason why this couldn’t work out is cuz they are all so outgoing whereas I am more on the chill and quiet side (introvert) and they are outgoing and hype. I do want to have fun and be a teenager but I am no longer in a rush I do not want to grow up too fast, I am in no rush whatsoever, I want to focus on college work and my job first. My friends always used to tell me that if I want to live my best life I have to be rebellious which I have told them that I DO NOT and WILL NOT do because it will only bring problems in my household, I already have a rocky relationship with my parents, I don’t want to make it worse. The reason why I am taking my education so seriously is because i really want to spend 2 years in college cuz I was even lucky to be put into Level 3 so I don’t want to **** up and spend more time in college than I need to because of taking stupid decisions, just because I want to have fun, as I plan to go to university next year and no later. I used to chill with them all the time from September to November but I then realised that the worst thing you can do is force a friendship with people who you cannot vibe with and who you are not on the same page as when it comes to life goals, they have big goals but do not want to put the work and are going to end up regretting it in the long run. So I had conversation with myself, yes I speak to myself lool and realised that this friendship would never work because you cannot be friends with people who do not have the same mindset as you, they will only end up dragging you down with them whether it be intentionally or unintentionally. For the first 3 months (September – November) of college all I did was follow them around while they were ‘doing what they do’ , it even got to a point where I started copying their antics like a dumb ***** would😂, one time I stupidly decided to stay out with them until 10-11pm when I had finished college at 5pm , which I really regret cuz my parents were worried sick, the whole family was basically out looking for me , the police were informed and it was really bad, my phone was broken at the time aswell so imagine scared they were. When I got home, I felt extremely guilty and realised that wasn’t the life that I wanted to live. So when it got to December I decided to start chilling by myself and with my one friend that I made and its been like that since, I regret not making my own friends so much.

I am still friends with every one of them and there is no bad blood between us, I didn’t even have to explain anything to them they understood me instantly. I have decided to leave the college because of other reasons but I now know what not to do, I am going to speak up and allow myself to make new friends because when it comes to social life I flopped big time
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justSomeoneLost
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I don't know about selfish but I guess you were slightly dumb - though as someone with no friends I can understand why you did all that.

I say that you did well in realising so quickly where you were heading and what you wanted - I hope you're more confident and do make more friends at your new college.
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bones-mccoy
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You're not dumb or selfish at all. You're prioritising the right things and whilst want to enjoy being a teenager, at least have recognised that you also have you work hard in order to become successful in the future. Staying out all times of the night and getting high at the age of 18 is not "living your best life", it's pointless, a waste of time and will become a regret in the future. Having a social life, seeing people outside of college and staying out at the weekend is fine, but not at the expense of your education. Don't change who you are because it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

And plenty of people go to college expecting to stay friends with the people they knew at school but end up finding new people to hang out with, it happens all the time.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 1 year ago
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maryam2306
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(Original post by bones-mccoy)
You're not dumb or selfish at all. You're prioritising the right things and whilst want to enjoy being a teenager, at least have recognised that you also have you work hard in order to become successful in the future. Staying out all times of the night and getting high at the age of 18 is not "living your best life", it's pointless, a waste of time and will become a regret in the future. Having a social life, seeing people outside of college and staying out at the weekend is fine, but not at the expense of your education. Don't change who you are because it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

And plenty of people go to college expecting to stay friends with the people they knew at school but end up finding new people to hang out with, it happens all the time.
thank you so much!!!!
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