Golden Touch
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Hello, as suggested by the title I am writing an essay regarding power and violence. I have spent a while on the introduction and thought it sounded utterly terrible, ridiculous and that I should not of been born English. I dont think I know where the hell im going with it if im honest, I see examples and I think there is no way I can make it sound like that. Please give criticism 😳, go as in depth as you want, but i'd appreciate no insults to me or my writing if possible.

From the early Triassic period to the modern day society, much has changed. We have become more civilised and independant, or so we believe. But, one thing has remained the same, and that is the concept of control and its strong bond with violence. Just like the Tyrannosaurus Rex, our society has seen ruthless tyrants such as Hitler and Stalin who have exerted their power over others usually through violent means. Works such as 'The Wasp Factory' by Iain Banks and 'A Street Car Named Desire' by Tennessee Williams explore this through the protagonists that they have crafted.
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As you can see it sounds like a pre-school child wrote it, I'm aware. But, I just didn't know how to get my point across.
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theprettyrainbow
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So firstly it’s impressive that you could connect your texts to history and stuff that’s cool! Could you possibly send the question? And what subject is this for? History or English? Cause then the criticism would be more relevant
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Golden Touch
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(Original post by theprettyrainbow)
So firstly it’s impressive that you could connect your texts to history and stuff that’s cool! Could you possibly send the question? And what subject is this for? History or English? Cause then the criticism would be more relevant
Thank you.

The question I decided to do was: 'Compare some of the ways in which Banks and Williams present power and violence.'

It is for English Literature and the two texts are 'The Wasp Factory' and 'A Street Car named desire'. Sorry if that wasn't made clear.

I'm glad you understand the point im trying to make, its just upon writing it, i thought it sounded ridiculous the way I phrased it.
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theprettyrainbow
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Ok so l do English lit myself haha so l guess l can help a bit. So the historical stuff is cool as l said before but not relevant really to either of your texts at all. instead, it would be much better to have a more bold opening statement expressly showing what your stance is. So from what l could see, you wanted to focus on control as one of your points. You could phrase it like so "In A Street Car named Desire and The Wasp Factory, characters gain control and power over others through violent acts." This is a much more concise way of introducing the idea about control and you could then further talk about insecurity, pain, deceit, lack of mental stability etc as examples. The AO3 element (historical context) should always be brief and to the point.
Last edited by theprettyrainbow; 1 year ago
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