Dealing with a toxic boss?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
I will keep this as concise as I can – sorry in advance, but I am feeling so inane here.

I started this job in January. I am a graduate, and this is a minimum wage job. I work for a particular doctor on a particular clinic doing admin/cashing up (it’s private). I am based in two places: the office and the clinic. I spend most my time at the clinic. On more than one occasion, my manager looks for problems. Most people strongly dislike her as she’s rude and nasty.

Many things have occurred that have upset me but they consumed me to the point that I was like a boiling kettle – I exploded. I exploded in the sense that I would cry myself to sleep at night… this then turned into crying at the bus stop after work, and then I started to cry in front of patients. I felt/feel intense sadness. Like, a really sad and trapped feeling.

Finally, six weeks of this building up, I spoke to the doctor I work with. I started to cry, I feel so embarrassed still but… I just started to cry in his room. I am suffering anxiety and stress, I am on beta blockers again. I felt so much better speaking to the doctor but it didn’t change the situation because I just wanted him aware of this feeling of dread and sadness.

Today, again… she sent me an extremely passive aggressive e-mail in regards to the smallest thing. My clinic happens alongside other clinics, so we have our own everything, i.e. card machine, folders, notes, payment style, etc. I spoke to the secretary for stamps to send a letter, she said we have our own and therefore I cannot have theirs.

I emailed my team and manager to find out how to send the letter if I had no stamps here, I was sent this in a nutshell: ‘can I ask why you are emailing myself and the team about this when you can speak to the practise manager? I have spoken to her and she said you can use hers’… ‘also, you need to form a relationship with her because I have noticed you keep bypassing her, she is your line manager when I am not there.’ This is far less harsh than it came across. I cannot believe she is telling me that I keep bypassing when I have a set of things to do, and just get on with it – it’s the same thing every day, just different patients. Furthermore, when I mention things to the practise manager, she always tells me to speak my line manager and fobs me off.

I am sick of this. I feel bullied. I feel sadness. I do not want to leave this job but it’s at the point I am too scared to check her texts/e-mails because of what rubbish she spouts. Should I speak to her boss? Should I take it to H.R.? Or not bother as I will be leaving come Summer (if I make it to then)?

This is one situation of many.
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londonmyst
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#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
Don't let this boss from hell get to you.
She sounds like a nasty bully who enjoys making other people feel miserable and small.
The type that feels big according to how unhappy she makes you and gets a sadistic thrill from all the suffering she inflicts on other people at work.
The more people she torments, the happier she is.
I've had so many managers and employers that acted just like this.

Life is too short to allow her to disrupt your peace of mind or plans for the future.
She does not deserve any of your attention or emotion- don't allow her any.
Whenever she upsets you, she will view it as another bullying 'win' and see it as her getting what she wants to achieve- causing you pain.

Make a note of all the dates, times, places and exact words that she says/writes as she bullies either you or coworkers.
Either in a notebooks, on your phone or on your email.
If you can keep copies of all the nasty emails or any recorded conversations/cctv footage that would be great.
You may be able to warn the next new employee about her or help a coworker who has suffered her for many years and sues over her bullying.

While you are working, you need to put your own welfare first and develop coping strategies to ensure that you are not hurt by her nasty nonsense.
Build up some career experience, learn new skills, try to save as much money as possible and have ways to ensure you don't focus on the bully's unpleasant daytime actions when you are at home after working hours.
Don't forget that you will probably never see her again after your contract ends in the summer.
But karma will remember her, everything that she has done and the karmic overdraft that she has built up will be repaid in full- perhaps with interest.
Good luck!
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ihsan99
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#3
Report 1 year ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I will keep this as concise as I can – sorry in advance, but I am feeling so inane here.

I started this job in January. I am a graduate, and this is a minimum wage job. I work for a particular doctor on a particular clinic doing admin/cashing up (it’s private). I am based in two places: the office and the clinic. I spend most my time at the clinic. On more than one occasion, my manager looks for problems. Most people strongly dislike her as she’s rude and nasty.

Many things have occurred that have upset me but they consumed me to the point that I was like a boiling kettle – I exploded. I exploded in the sense that I would cry myself to sleep at night… this then turned into crying at the bus stop after work, and then I started to cry in front of patients. I felt/feel intense sadness. Like, a really sad and trapped feeling.

Finally, six weeks of this building up, I spoke to the doctor I work with. I started to cry, I feel so embarrassed still but… I just started to cry in his room. I am suffering anxiety and stress, I am on beta blockers again. I felt so much better speaking to the doctor but it didn’t change the situation because I just wanted him aware of this feeling of dread and sadness.

Today, again… she sent me an extremely passive aggressive e-mail in regards to the smallest thing. My clinic happens alongside other clinics, so we have our own everything, i.e. card machine, folders, notes, payment style, etc. I spoke to the secretary for stamps to send a letter, she said we have our own and therefore I cannot have theirs.

I emailed my team and manager to find out how to send the letter if I had no stamps here, I was sent this in a nutshell: ‘can I ask why you are emailing myself and the team about this when you can speak to the practise manager? I have spoken to her and she said you can use hers’… ‘also, you need to form a relationship with her because I have noticed you keep bypassing her, she is your line manager when I am not there.’ This is far less harsh than it came across. I cannot believe she is telling me that I keep bypassing when I have a set of things to do, and just get on with it – it’s the same thing every day, just different patients. Furthermore, when I mention things to the practise manager, she always tells me to speak my line manager and fobs me off.

I am sick of this. I feel bullied. I feel sadness. I do not want to leave this job but it’s at the point I am too scared to check her texts/e-mails because of what rubbish she spouts. Should I speak to her boss? Should I take it to H.R.? Or not bother as I will be leaving come Summer (if I make it to then)?

This is one situation of many.
I feel the pain you feel honestly. That pain knowing you have to interact with that person. You are at your workplace and you have every right to express yourself and feel safe. Honestly this is nothing to do with you but really more the cruelty of that manager. You can clarify and assert yourself directly what you would like different and what you plan to do if she doesn't listen... you report to HR or leave, because you don't need any of this **** and you are worth more than that . You deserve kindness and respect at work, not the opposite! I hope this helped and I commend you for your vulnerability.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 year ago
#4
I’m sorry but you have to leave. Plenty of other jobs out there
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#5
UPDATE: (I know it's been ages) but HR got involved and she has been suspended since end of March. I am still here (leaving soon to pursue studies) but life is so much better. Thank you all
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Anonymous #3
#6
Report 1 year ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
UPDATE: (I know it's been ages) but HR got involved and she has been suspended since end of March. I am still here (leaving soon to pursue studies) but life is so much better. Thank you all
Never let others drag you down to their level, always rise above it. Good luck with your studies.
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Never let others drag you down to their level, always rise above it. Good luck with your studies.
I actually quit shortly after writing the post because I came in on my annual leave (she hadn't organised cover, so I offered) and she said that I 'wasted her time finding someone' blah blah.. I forwarded it to the dr. I work with and he informed her bosses. They asked me to stay, and honestly, I have been loving it now I have no contact with her. This job taught me a lot.
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bones-mccoy
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#8
Report 1 year ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
I actually quit shortly after writing the post because I came in on my annual leave (she hadn't organised cover, so I offered) and she said that I 'wasted her time finding someone' blah blah.. I forwarded it to the dr. I work with and he informed her bosses. They asked me to stay, and honestly, I have been loving it now I have no contact with her. This job taught me a lot.
This is brilliant! My last boss was abolutely awful but she got sacked around the time I handed my notice in for a situation she tried to blame me for. Karma is a *****
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#9
(Original post by bones-mccoy)
This is brilliant! My last boss was abolutely awful but she got sacked around the time I handed my notice in for a situation she tried to blame me for. Karma is a *****
Legit. I had a panel meeting with the directors and I struggled being in the same room as her - so clearly they could see how much she had affected me. She's been off 'sick' since then. Oh well - you're right... karma is a *****.
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