The Student Room Group

Why you probably shouldn't have a secret same sex relationship with your best friend

Until a few months ago I had never even had feelings for another person (fancied anyone, male or female) and then I started having feelings for one of my best friends. She then told me that she liked me as more than just a friend which confused me a lot because I want to be straight (I know I probably shouldn't but to me anything else doesn't make a lot of sense) and so it took some adjustment on my side but we decided to see each other secretly. The only thing was this was right in exams so we didn't really have much time when we could be together and then I have been working full time since but when we were together it was really fun and we had amazing times.

The more I saw her the more I liked her and I got to the point when I just couldn't stop thinking about her. Then last week she rang me up to say that her feelings had changed and she just wanted to be friends. But it was like she had just suddenly changed her mind. (she had just been away for a week but before then she had seemed just as into me as before in that she would make opportunities when we were alone so she could kiss me)

Now I'm still spending a lot of time with her because we are good friends but I miss her so much. We went out clubbing the other night and people kept chatting her up but she said she kept saying she was taken and then looking at me which I think was because she didn't want to hurt me but everytime she did it it made me feel so sad that she wasn't! I really want her just to decide that she made a mistake but I know that's a silly thing to want because it would never happen... but whenever she hugs me or holds my hand or something I think maybe she could...also when she broke up with me she said "i think we should cool things off" and then later when I asked her why, she said she thought it would be easier just to be friends. I feel so jealous when she's even just messing around with our friends and I just can't stop thinking of all the things we were going to do together this summer which won't be the same now...

I don't really know what I'm asking now but I think I just wanted to talk about it (seeing as I can't speak to anyone who knows me about it except her!). How do I get over her? I can't stop thinking that we maybe still have a chance....I just want to hit her and kiss her at the same time.. but i can see that it's not true, just my desperateness kicking in. Has anyone been in a similar situation where you have got back together?

Thank you for reading my essay :smile:
Reply 1
maybe she's having problems with dealing with same sex attraction and just wants to be straight, same as you are?
She obviously cares about your feelings, maybe she's scared you don't feel the same way. and you said you had never been attracted to anyone before but just wanted to be straight, maybe you're a repressed lesbian?
Reply 2
Or maybe she's just scared of reactions to being bisexual/a lesbian, seeing as she said it's "easier".

I can't tell why she's said it; it could be any reason and unless she tells you what she means by 'easier' then you unfortunately have no way of knowing.

Why was it a secret relationship?
Reply 3
Vykeera
Or maybe she's just scared of reactions to being bisexual/a lesbian, seeing as she said it's "easier".

I can't tell why she's said it; it could be any reason and unless she tells you what she means by 'easier' then you unfortunately have no way of knowing.

Why was it a secret relationship?


She's out...
I'm not (not that I know what I'd be out as!)...
Yeah, might help to ask her what she meant. That might clear some stuff up for you.
where was she in that week? maybe something happened during then?
sorry to hear about your problem
Reply 6
Aww man. I really feel for you!

Your words are really well chosen, really emotional and I could really feel your emotions right now. It's going to be really hard for you to get over her... Maybe a way is to find another partner?
Reply 7
Jon7
Aww man. I really feel for you!

Your words are really well chosen, really emotional and I could really feel your emotions right now. It's going to be really hard for you to get over her... Maybe a way is to find another partner?


REBOUND!!!
Hmmm, tricky. I know it sounds easy to say and it won't work, but trust me, spending time away from her will help. I've not quite been in the same situation as you but I've done the "secret relationship" thing and know how difficult it is afterwards. Spending time away from the person will lessen the emotional attachment you have to them.
i think she may have stopped the relastionship, because at the moment you are fragile. You need to grow in confidence and discover for yourself who you are. Her being your first is a lot of pressure, and so maybe she didnt want you getting to attached, and coudlnt deal with it.
All i can say is only she knows and im surprised why she didnt explain to you why she wanted to continue with things. I wish i could give you a big hug, things will get better. Your emotions are raw and your in thick of it at the moment. You will pull through. Good luck xx
Anonymous
Until a few months ago I had never even had feelings for another person (fancied anyone, male or female) and then I started having feelings for one of my best friends. She then told me that she liked me as more than just a friend which confused me a lot because I want to be straight (I know I probably shouldn't but to me anything else doesn't make a lot of sense) and so it took some adjustment on my side but we decided to see each other secretly. The only thing was this was right in exams so we didn't really have much time when we could be together and then I have been working full time since but when we were together it was really fun and we had amazing times.

The more I saw her the more I liked her and I got to the point when I just couldn't stop thinking about her. Then last week she rang me up to say that her feelings had changed and she just wanted to be friends. But it was like she had just suddenly changed her mind. (she had just been away for a week but before then she had seemed just as into me as before in that she would make opportunities when we were alone so she could kiss me)

Now I'm still spending a lot of time with her because we are good friends but I miss her so much. We went out clubbing the other night and people kept chatting her up but she said she kept saying she was taken and then looking at me which I think was because she didn't want to hurt me but everytime she did it it made me feel so sad that she wasn't! I really want her just to decide that she made a mistake but I know that's a silly thing to want because it would never happen... but whenever she hugs me or holds my hand or something I think maybe she could...also when she broke up with me she said "i think we should cool things off" and then later when I asked her why, she said she thought it would be easier just to be friends. I feel so jealous when she's even just messing around with our friends and I just can't stop thinking of all the things we were going to do together this summer which won't be the same now...

I don't really know what I'm asking now but I think I just wanted to talk about it (seeing as I can't speak to anyone who knows me about it except her!). How do I get over her? I can't stop thinking that we maybe still have a chance....I just want to hit her and kiss her at the same time.. but i can see that it's not true, just my desperateness kicking in. Has anyone been in a similar situation where you have got back together?

Thank you for reading my essay :smile:


OMG

that is like
the story of my life!

and to give you some hope
the EXACT
and when i say exact i mean EXACT

and like, scarily exact same dates and everything :s-smilie:

well anyway, that happened to me

and she came back to me
because she missed me too
and because we just couldnt be apart

and we fell in love
and we are still going stronger than ever

so dont give up
she might come back!

i hope it all works out for you! :console: