Hate my friend's girlfriend

Just need to get this off my chest. I was living with a few people (boyfriend - now DH - included) a few years ago and a friend of one of the lads (lets call him Stephen) came over from Scotland to live with us, lets call her Aoife. We were the only two girls in the house so you think we'd have been thick as thieves but we never really hit it off. I wasn't that bothered, but overall I didn't like her all that much, more a lack of clicking than anything else. Then I discovered that she and Stephen had a bit of a history - bascially he was mad about her and she had strung him along for ages (the knew each other for a long time).

I wasn't too impressed with this, it was clear she had really hurt Stephen a few times, but he's such an easygoing guy he just took it again and again. Then she met a guy and moved to Limerick with him, no goodbye or anything just upped and left, we were all a bit taken aback. Stephen was very upset and I felt so sorry for him. She just acted like everything was fine and I was surprised at how oblivious she was. It didn't work out with this guy and she moved back to Scotland, and I was glad she was out of our lives.

However, it seemed that now she was at a loose end we were back in the good books again and she started contacting me and Stephen on and off (Stephen was now living in Belfast). She heard about my wedding and assumed she was invited, and me being to darn feeble I didn't disillusion her. She was the last person I wanted be there but I couldn't do anything as I knew it would upset Stephen. Meanwhile she messed Stephen about a bit more in a very cruel way and to my joy he started to see through her. Still he's such a good guy he just gently told her to back off and stayed friends with her.

Meanwhile she started to visit Ireland again and out of the blue started to go out with another good friend of mine, call him Peter. I really couldn't believe it - it's like she just goes through any boys that are around her (I forgot to say that she'd also messed very cruelly with another guy we know when she was living with us). At this stage I had a very low opinion of her, but Peter seemed very happy so I just said nothing. They had a long distance relationship. Out of the blue Peter called me one day very upset saying she had just dropped him. I was so incredibly angry, this is another great great guy that she hurt. They stopped contacting each other, but I knew they would see each other at the wedding (too late to do anything about that). He seemed ok with it.

My wedding was abroad and we were there for a week and in that time Aoife and Peter got back together. My heart broke. She monopolised him for the whole week and I hardly saw him. This is a very good friend of mine and I was so annoyed. So I told him and he apologised and admitted he wasn't sure about getting back with her.

I have never hidden my feelings about her so he knew what my reaction would be, but I did say I hoped things would work out and that they'd be happy. That wasn't long ago, and I know that some day soon he'll be back on the phone, upset again. Plus on a selfish note, she's back in my life too. I can't express how much I dislike this girl, the way she has made my friends (and me) feel, she is just pure toxic destruction, yet she gets away with it time and again. Peter is pure gold, any girl would be so lucky to have him. He suffers with depression so he's very vulnerable, and of course Aoife knows this (she always goes for the vulnerable guys). It's like watching someone walking on a dangerous ledge and not being able to stop them, I'm so upset about it. She somehow wraps people around her little finger and makes them jump to her tune.

Sorry for the essay, I just really needed to get it off my chest. I really hope she's changed and that they'll be very happy, but I just don't think it's going to happen. I am just waiting for it all to go wrong. Sigh.

Reply 1

Vetinari

There's not much you can do really, so I hope getting it off of your chest was something at least.

If you were ever to try and tell any of your male friends who they can and cannot date then, as I'm sure you well know, it wouldn't go down very well...

Just be supportive of Peter and the others and avoid saying "I told you so". You can only hope that eventually she'll work her way round all of your friends and will then move on. :p:

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