The Student Room Group

Why is being in love so damn painful?

For those who don't know the story, I refer you to threads 1 and 2:

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=634264
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=638936

So I went out with her and it turns out she thinks I wanted to go out for a drink as a mate, and as such gave all the signs that she didn't fancy me one iota.

The killer being that she told me over the drink that she didn't want to go to a certain bar because she knew some of her work colleagues go there a lot and she didn't want them asking "Oh, are you two going out now?".

Then there was the humiliating part at the beginning of the evening of having to sit through 10 minutes of her talking about this absolutely amazing bloke she fancies who's come back from Uni for the summer, and about this bloke at work who she fancied to start with but now absolutely hates. Having had this bombshell dropped on me, I had to sit and smile my way through another hour and a half, before I walked her to the bus stop, she gave me a hug and left.

I didn't actually cry until about 10 minutes after she'd left. But when I did, I sat in the bus shelter and sobbed for a good minute and a half. I absolutly ADORE this girl. And I was idiotic enough to think she actually liked me back.

I managed to hide my feelings from everyone when I got home - I don't want my family to be heaping sympathy on my back. I've been humiliated quite enough. Now every one's gone to bed and it's just me and the computer, I really, really want to well up again.

I don't know why it hurts so much - it's not like she despises me. In fact I think she might see me as a good mate. But it really, really hurts having actually found out that what I thought was a real connection turned out to be something completly different.

I know it sounds completely pathetic, since she obviously doesn't know how I actually feel, but I feel utterly demoralised. I thought that just for once I'd found someone who I liked who was actually interested in me.

I've never had much luck with love - my first interest ridiculed me for about 6 months after I told her how I felt. That completly broke me for about a year.

I can't go through this again - I don't want to have to go through the process of getting over her. I know it sounds stupid, but I absolutly adore her and I thoguht just for a bit that she actually liked me too. Now I know she doesn't, I feel like I've been stabbed through the heart and had the knife twisted and twisted and twisted before having it finally ripped out and stamped on in front of me.

Why the **** does it hurt so much? Why?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
i hate love
i had it
i lost it
i hate it now
im so sorry you feel this down
i suggest you forget it for now
humans arent created just to date anyway
theres so many other things our lives can be filled with
its hard.
but thats how it is
Reply 2
Being in love has to be painful otherwise you wouldn't have a motivation to get up and stick your dick in that hoe.

Evolution son.
evereybody loves to hate and hates to love, unfortuantely theres nothing you can do to stop it.
don't worry you'll be over her in a few weeks, easiest way find a new object of your affection.
Reply 4
mitsabeeba
i hate love
i had it
i lost it
i hate it now


Ditto
Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I'm not so sure.
Yep... for once i am going to agree that love is bloody annoying, and hurts a hell of a lot... i live in hope that one day i will turn around and change my mind because this time he loves me back..

Just have to find the right guy, thought i found him, fell in love with him. He not interested and now i am trying to convince myself i have moved on, knowing full well that when i see him again in a week (havent seen him for 6weeks now) that is will all come back. This will not be solved by my mum offering to take him on 'holiday' with us for a week to go looking around unis.

In conclusion LOVE IS STUPID AND ANNOYING.. yet we all want to find it
Reply 7
RyanT
Being in love has to be painful otherwise you wouldn't have a motivation to get up and stick your dick in that hoe.

Evolution son.

we want pain for sex?
Reply 8
annarchy
we want pain for sex?


No, but people who feel pain for not having sex are more likely to do it and as such will reproduce more and their children will dominate and so on and so forth - you get the picture :smile:
Reply 9
9 Liverpool's Number
Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I'm not so sure.


id rather never have loved.
I think humans just need someone to hold on to...EVERYONE wants to feel like they belong somewhere....or belong to someone....After past experience with the GREATEST relationship i WILL EVER HAVE that went terribly....I will try not to depend on anything or anyone to make me happy...xcept myself....because if they go or you cant have them?....you feel lonely...
Reply 11
I love love.
I love the feeling of being in love.
The pain of breaking up/getting over someone is worth of the new beginning/being in love again :wink:.

Like the song:
".. Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too ..." :biggrin:
THAT SONG IS FOR REBOUNDERS ONLY!!! :woo: :woo: :biggrin:
mitsabeeba
id rather never have loved.


You'd give up on a fundemental experience of human existance to save from the pain?

I'm glad I feel pain sometimes, it let's me know I'm still alive and that I still care.

For that reason I reckon it just might be better to have loved and lost.
Original post by &#946
Unrequited love is the worst of all. :frown:


Then answer my text messages! :redface:
Reply 15
9 Liverpool's Number
Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

I'm not so sure.


Yes!

People say that love happens once and the rest is just life...but I think if you love once, you can and will love again because you have the ability to do so...those who motivate themselves not to love because it might hurt are depriving themselves of the most beautiful human emotion.

OP - If you didnt feel pain now, when love does come your way, would you appreciate it as much as you will do now because of what you have went through? I dont think so....The pain that love leaves us, is always the one that helps us to grow and it teaches us lessons which without this pain we would never learn. Its weird because when we dont have love, we search and long for it, when we do have it, we fear losing it and when we dont have it, we whinge about it. Still, no matter what people say, love is difficult to define and impossible to live without.
Original post by &#946
Unrequited love is the worst of all. :frown:


Seconded
DeepStar
Yes!

People say that love happens once and the rest is just life...but I think if you love once, you can and will love again because you have the ability to do so...those who motivate themselves not to love because it might hurt are depriving themselves of the most beautiful human emotion.

OP - If you didnt feel pain now, when love does come your way, would you appreciate it as much as you will do now because of what you have went through? I dont think so....The pain that love leaves us, is always the one that helps us to grow and it teaches us lessons which without this pain we would never learn. Its weird because when we dont have love, we search and long for it, when we do have it, we fear losing it and when we dont have it, we whinge about it. Still, no matter what people say, love is difficult to define and impossible to live without.


I don't think I have ever found "true" love. I've loved people more than they have loved me and had people love me more than I loved them.

Overall though I agree with what you said, I was just playing devil's advocate and I hadn't ever really thought about it.

Great post by the way. :smile:
To love is to risk being hurt in the way you so vividly describe. Love wouldn't be so beautiful unless it is accompanied by pain in equal measure.
Reply 19
9 Liverpool's Number
I don't think I have ever found "true" love. I've loved people more than they have loved me and had people love me more than I loved them.

Overall though I agree with what you said, I was just playing devil's advocate and I hadn't ever really thought about it.

Great post by the way. :smile:


Thats the thing - you dont find 'true' love...that would be like me asking you to go and look in a certain place to find love which wouldnt work because there isnt a place you can go to look for love instead, you just love and see what comes your way. :smile: