The Student Room Group

Has my boyfriend dumped me?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1.5 years. We 'knew' from the beginning, as we started discussing marriage a few months in... we were set on it up until a few months ago when things became quite sour. I started saying hurtful things to him and generally taking my stress out on him (as I am currently unemployed). I have anxiety and tend to overthink, always creating the worst in what is a perfectly good situation. This resulted in weekly arguments, that were petty and could've been easily avoided.

My boyfriend has become increasingly tired of this, but has been so patient and stuck with me whilst I try to change. However he has not seen any real change or improvements from me as we continue to argue. We have come to resolutions that just haven't worked, and a few days ago he told me it might be a good idea to have space from each other to reset, for us to reverse all the bad that has happened and start afresh. He started replying less (he's also been super busy at work), and this frustrated me as I became more and more needy. Eventually I lashed out at him, saying some really, really nasty things. Then he told me he needs space and said 'done' before blocking me.

On that day I tried to call him but he didn't pick up understandably. I also asked if he wanted to meet in a few days time but he made an excuse, then I asked about the weekend and he said 'we'll see'. When I asked him if we are finished, he did not say yes... he said 'how did you expect me to not react when you said such horrible things?'. He's always told me that breaking up should be a mutual decision and what's best for both of us, as opposed to one dumping the other. When I told him I love him he did reciprocate. The following day I sent him a good morning text and told him to stay safe and that I love him... he responded to this after work saying 'you too keep your family safe'. I did not respond to this, as I planned on giving him space for a few days before contacting him again. Then, today he messaged me first asking if I am okay, we exchanged about 3 messages and have now left it. Since then his mum has also been in contact with me, just as she normally would. So he hasn't discussed anything with his parents. I am planning on now messaging him tomorrow after his work asking if he is open to meeting on the weekend. Does it sound like there is a chance he will agree to it? Am I doing the right thing, and does it sound like we could potentially break up?
Spending time apart has really helped me as I've been able to process everything, see exactly how I was wrong and allowed me to focus on my goals.
no
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1.5 years. We 'knew' from the beginning, as we started discussing marriage a few months in... we were set on it up until a few months ago when things became quite sour. I started saying hurtful things to him and generally taking my stress out on him (as I am currently unemployed). I have anxiety and tend to overthink, always creating the worst in what is a perfectly good situation. This resulted in weekly arguments, that were petty and could've been easily avoided.

My boyfriend has become increasingly tired of this, but has been so patient and stuck with me whilst I try to change. However he has not seen any real change or improvements from me as we continue to argue. We have come to resolutions that just haven't worked, and a few days ago he told me it might be a good idea to have space from each other to reset, for us to reverse all the bad that has happened and start afresh. He started replying less (he's also been super busy at work), and this frustrated me as I became more and more needy. Eventually I lashed out at him, saying some really, really nasty things. Then he told me he needs space and said 'done' before blocking me.

On that day I tried to call him but he didn't pick up understandably. I also asked if he wanted to meet in a few days time but he made an excuse, then I asked about the weekend and he said 'we'll see'. When I asked him if we are finished, he did not say yes... he said 'how did you expect me to not react when you said such horrible things?'. He's always told me that breaking up should be a mutual decision and what's best for both of us, as opposed to one dumping the other. When I told him I love him he did reciprocate. The following day I sent him a good morning text and told him to stay safe and that I love him... he responded to this after work saying 'you too keep your family safe'. I did not respond to this, as I planned on giving him space for a few days before contacting him again. Then, today he messaged me first asking if I am okay, we exchanged about 3 messages and have now left it. Since then his mum has also been in contact with me, just as she normally would. So he hasn't discussed anything with his parents. I am planning on now messaging him tomorrow after his work asking if he is open to meeting on the weekend. Does it sound like there is a chance he will agree to it? Am I doing the right thing, and does it sound like we could potentially break up?
Spending time apart has really helped me as I've been able to process everything, see exactly how I was wrong and allowed me to focus on my goals.

Give him space, like you are currently doing. Doesn't sound like he's ended your relationship but you should respect him and give him some time away from you so you can gather your thoughts and hopefully not lash out at him like mentioned above. And try not to pester him with messages.
Original post by Anonymous
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 1.5 years. We 'knew' from the beginning, as we started discussing marriage a few months in... we were set on it up until a few months ago when things became quite sour. I started saying hurtful things to him and generally taking my stress out on him (as I am currently unemployed). I have anxiety and tend to overthink, always creating the worst in what is a perfectly good situation. This resulted in weekly arguments, that were petty and could've been easily avoided.

My boyfriend has become increasingly tired of this, but has been so patient and stuck with me whilst I try to change. However he has not seen any real change or improvements from me as we continue to argue. We have come to resolutions that just haven't worked, and a few days ago he told me it might be a good idea to have space from each other to reset, for us to reverse all the bad that has happened and start afresh. He started replying less (he's also been super busy at work), and this frustrated me as I became more and more needy. Eventually I lashed out at him, saying some really, really nasty things. Then he told me he needs space and said 'done' before blocking me.

On that day I tried to call him but he didn't pick up understandably. I also asked if he wanted to meet in a few days time but he made an excuse, then I asked about the weekend and he said 'we'll see'. When I asked him if we are finished, he did not say yes... he said 'how did you expect me to not react when you said such horrible things?'. He's always told me that breaking up should be a mutual decision and what's best for both of us, as opposed to one dumping the other. When I told him I love him he did reciprocate. The following day I sent him a good morning text and told him to stay safe and that I love him... he responded to this after work saying 'you too keep your family safe'. I did not respond to this, as I planned on giving him space for a few days before contacting him again. Then, today he messaged me first asking if I am okay, we exchanged about 3 messages and have now left it. Since then his mum has also been in contact with me, just as she normally would. So he hasn't discussed anything with his parents. I am planning on now messaging him tomorrow after his work asking if he is open to meeting on the weekend. Does it sound like there is a chance he will agree to it? Am I doing the right thing, and does it sound like we could potentially break up?
Spending time apart has really helped me as I've been able to process everything, see exactly how I was wrong and allowed me to focus on my goals.

It sounds like your boyfriend is trying very hard to work out what's best - he's had to put up with a lot tbh, and he needs time to consider how to proceed. There's only so much someone can take before they realise that life's too short, so you also need to thinking about how you can treat him better if you're to stay together going forward.

Instead of messaging, it might be best to call him - you'll get a more immediate answer instead of analysing the whys and whens of his replies. If not, then leave him be for the time being.
Reply 4
Original post by PhoenixFortune
It sounds like your boyfriend is trying very hard to work out what's best - he's had to put up with a lot tbh, and he needs time to consider how to proceed. There's only so much someone can take before they realise that life's too short, so you also need to thinking about how you can treat him better if you're to stay together going forward.

Instead of messaging, it might be best to call him - you'll get a more immediate answer instead of analysing the whys and whens of his replies. If not, then leave him be for the time being.

Okay, thank you.
Do you think I should ask him again if he wants to meet this weekend? Or should I give him more time?
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, thank you.
Do you think I should ask him again if he wants to meet this weekend? Or should I give him more time?

I think you should make one thread and stick to asking the questions on there and not make 50 in one day
Original post by Anonymous
Okay, thank you.
Do you think I should ask him again if he wants to meet this weekend? Or should I give him more time?

Personally, I would give him space and wait for him to approach you. If you push him for a meeting too hard, you might actually end up pushing him away.

Quick Reply