The Student Room Group

In love with an unavaliable girl...

I know it's a classic situation, but what does one do?

I've been at University for a year and throughout the year I became awfully good friends with one of my housemates (female). We get on better than you could ever imagine, have never argued and can talk endlessly for hours. To me, she is the perfect example of the perfect girl (for me, anyway). We both know we have a great friendship.

I decided about 3 months ago that I really, really like her. You know, when you get to the point in your mind where you're saying, "Yeah, I'm in love."

The trouble lies in the fact that she isn't single, and that's made even worse by the fact that her boyfriend (who is a couple of years older and visits our house every couple of weeks to see her) is an awesome and genuinely nice guy. I like him and we get on really well. When we go out to clubs and stuff, he always thanks me for looking after her and is glad that we're (meaning me and him) friends through her. We usually spend the whole time together when she is off with other friends, and it's always great.

Anyhow, I can't kind the feelings out of my head. I constantly try and tell myself there is no way this can happen, and even if it could, would I want it to? I'm friends with both of them, and although my friendship with the girl extends to regions of the highest order, it seems hopeless. I can't get rid of my embedded frustration.

My whole life has been a mixture of this situation. Everytime I like a girl, she is one of my best friend's girlfriends - either I've waited too late to tell them, or I've gotten to know them through my friends that they're dating.

Right now, I feel like Eric Clapton and the song Layla is the only thing that channels my frustration.

Any suggestions here? They'd be greatly appreciated.
I'm afraid that there is no easy answer to this one (aren't I useful? :p:). We've all been there, with an impossible crush on someone who can't or won't reciprocate. The fact that she's your housemate makes things much harder for you, of course, since you don't have the option of avoiding her to try and damp down your feelings. You could try keeping busy out of the house; perhaps try to meet more people and you may eventually find someone else that you like? If you're going to be living together next year, then you might want to develop some strategies to stay out of her way (no matter how painful this is). Of course, you seem to be handling your feelings perfectly well if you're friendly with both parties, so you do have the option of carrying on as you are, but that won't make you any happier. I think the only thing to suggest is to keep busy, meet lots of new people in Freshers' Week and try to ride it out. Sorry I can't be more helpful. :frown:
Reply 2
Welcome to the club =/
Reply 3
Man, talk about a difficult situation.

Well, don't do the obvious bad thing and pronounce your love to her when she's on this relationship already. It'll only ruin your relationship with and your friendship with her boyfriend. If she feels the same about you, then she'll come to you one day. There's not much to do but deal with the frustration and rise above it. :frown:

You sound like a really genuinely nice guy, so don't be depressed over this - I'm sure you'll find the perfect girl one day.
Reply 4
Thanks, Jon7. I try to be sensible and level-headed about these things, as there is a sort of social science that needs to be understood and obeyed.

I agree, I shouldn't tell her (in case of ruining our friendship, their
relationship and my friendship with her boyfriend). That leaves me, unfortunately, completely unstuck.

It's difficult to know what you should do when you've fallen into a situation like this, but I appreciate all of your comments so far.

And I am living with her next year.
Reply 5
Oh god, I was in a similar situation and it killed me for about a year. I wasn't good mates with his girlfriend though, although I knew her and was friendly with her, but I told him I was in love with him and it made his girlfriend HATE me (rightly so) and it ruined our friendship for a while which was how you describe it is with your girl, chatting for hours, really close etc. We still haven't really got back to how we were. So definitely definitely don't tell her, especially because she is likely to tell her boyfriend and it could mess up 2 really good friendships.

Try and deal with your feelings, I know that this is impossibly hard, but you just have to try and find other girls you like, although right now it probably seems like she is "the one". It is always possible that if she breaks up with her boyfriend you could be in with a chance, but try not to think about that now, because it'll just make it harder to move on. I know this isn't really productive advice, but there's not a lot you can do really. :frown:

Good luck, I really genuinely know what an awful situation it is so I'm really sorry you're in it!
oo thats a bitch.
Reply 7
yer mate- theres plenty of fishs in the pond- move on!
Reply 8
tropical-twist3
oo thats a bitch.


^^^
This type of situation gets worse in future, however the diffrence is the person you love is married.
Reply 10
Awwww
I don't think you should do anything
Just wait until she breaks up..
or until you find someone else i guess
Reply 11
jaz_jaz
wait until she breaks up..


:no:
Leave well alone mate. You tell her, and you lose her. You don't tell her and you have her as an amazing friend. I can only see one option...
Get in line. Believe me, it's more frustrating when the girl does reciprocate your feelings but feels too guilty to leave the boyfriend.
Reply 14
yknow - i totally know how you feel bro. that stuffs pretty hard and its easy for me to sit n say this, but just shut it out man. It happens yknow, you'll sit back n convince yourself that one awesome person that you meet is the only awesome person you'll meet, when in actual fact - theres a world of awesome people out there.

Its tough when the only girls you really get on with are with other guys already - hell - ive experienced that! But at least shes with a good guy, yknow? Its a hella worse when that girl you've known for years and love to pieces, is with some knob who cant keep his knob out of other girls n breakin her heart ^.^.

She isnt the only girlie in the world you'll be able to talk to for hours man - theres plenty out there :biggrin:. Dont beat yourself up bout it - shes happy as she is, n hey - you gotta good friend :wink:.
Reply 15
Reply 16
sorry wrong thread