My GFs Sex Driver Doesn’t Match Mine - But It’s Ok!

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#1
(I realise this isn’t the most important issue going on right now)

So I - a 21 year old guy - love sex and everything related.
My girlfriend of 2 years used to as well, but recently she’ll avoid the topic like the plague.

There is a reason, and we have talked about it. She was diagnosed with IBS, which doesn’t have much research on it - but does have record of severely lowering sex drive. Now at this point, let’s just confirm, this is perfectly ok and I understand it.

When we’ve talked, I’ve always explained that it’s ok that she doesn’t want anything done with her, but that I have more needs than she does and I’d like her to try and show interest. But she still won’t go near me. And that occasionally comes to annoy me, every now and again.

This isn’t a critical issue in our relationship really - but something that annoys me so I obviously want to try and find a way round it. Any advice on what I/we could do going forward appreciated.

And on a separate note: if anyone has IBS and has the same issue, do you have any notes?

Thanks!
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Blueclueless
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#2
Report 2 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
(I realise this isn’t the most important issue going on right now)

So I - a 21 year old guy - love sex and everything related.
My girlfriend of 2 years used to as well, but recently she’ll avoid the topic like the plague.

There is a reason, and we have talked about it. She was diagnosed with IBS, which doesn’t have much research on it - but does have record of severely lowering sex drive. Now at this point, let’s just confirm, this is perfectly ok and I understand it.

When we’ve talked, I’ve always explained that it’s ok that she doesn’t want anything done with her, but that I have more needs than she does and I’d like her to try and show interest. But she still won’t go near me. And that occasionally comes to annoy me, every now and again.

This isn’t a critical issue in our relationship really - but something that annoys me so I obviously want to try and find a way round it. Any advice on what I/we could do going forward appreciated.

And on a separate note: if anyone has IBS and has the same issue, do you have any notes?

Thanks!
Don’t get annoyed

As stupid as that sounds that can be another thing that’s contributing to her not wanting to go near you in that way Because she feels like “ugh the only way he won’t be mad at me is if I do X thing I’m so fed up”

So mainly work on your own frustrations and your mood, I know you’re not doing it deliberately but you’ll make her feel even worse by getting moody Try and take care of yourself every so often.

Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to **** if you couldn’t *ahem* get it up? Probably not!

Try and work with her on what she’s ok/not ok with what makes her feel uncomfortable.

All in all reassurance is important, she’s going to feel bad about herself since you have such a high drive and she might start to feel like you may look elsewhere (this is common for people with IBS to think that way)

Keep up physical affection that doesn’t lead to sexual stuff it’ll make her feel like she can go near you no matter what

I have ibs and these are all stuff my bf and I (5 years) have worked though/are working though

Make sure she feels loved!!
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 3 days ago
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(Original post by Blueclueless)
Don’t get annoyed

As stupid as that sounds that can be another thing that’s contributing to her not wanting to go near you in that way Because she feels like “ugh the only way he won’t be mad at me is if I do X thing I’m so fed up”

So mainly work on your own frustrations and your mood, I know you’re not doing it deliberately but you’ll make her feel even worse by getting moody Try and take care of yourself every so often.

Put yourself in her shoes. Would you want to **** if you couldn’t *ahem* get it up? Probably not!

Try and work with her on what she’s ok/not ok with what makes her feel uncomfortable.

All in all reassurance is important, she’s going to feel bad about herself since you have such a high drive and she might start to feel like you may look elsewhere (this is common for people with IBS to think that way)

Keep up physical affection that doesn’t lead to sexual stuff it’ll make her feel like she can go near you no matter what

I have ibs and these are all stuff my bf and I (5 years) have worked though/are working though

Make sure she feels loved!!
That’s brilliant advice thank you!

What are the first steps to work with her on to start off with? Does she need to relearn how to pleasure herself before she can deal with pleasure with another person?
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Blueclueless
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Report 3 days ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
That’s brilliant advice thank you!

What are the first steps to work with her on to start off with? Does she need to relearn how to pleasure herself before she can deal with pleasure with another person?
If she has no drive self pleasuring won’t make a difference, building up trust is most important as she’ll feel bad for not having a high sex drive and feel like she’s not what you want anymore.

So first trust. Make her feel loved and trusted really ramp up the romance without the sex.

Secondly she may not want to have full on sex for a while, let her know you’re not going anywhere and be prepared to take care of yourself for a while.

Thirdly talk to her about potentially self pleasuring, ask her if she’d feel comfortable giving it a go and if she says no or answers “yeah I guess...” or something like that reassure her there’s no pressure.

Lastly make sure she knows you want mutual benefit from sex. It’s not just about what you want you wanna learn what she likes do you can both enjoy yourselfs


Good luck 😊
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