Does this sound like I'm being dropped/ghosted?

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Anonymous #1
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For the past 2 months I've been getting to know a girl online after meeting on Reddit. There was an instant chemistry there and over the weeks it's developed so well, we chat all day and lay and facetime each other for hours on end, it's truly been lovely. However since the weekend it's been very...different.

Saturday night was probably the best night so far, we facetimed for 8 hours straight and were talking about how we couldn't wait to meet each other after the current pandemic is over, it was a really special night and we opened gifts of chocolate that we had sent each other.

Then on Sunday she didn't speak much, but told me that starting from Monday she was going to withdraw from the internet for a few days as she needed to cleanse her mind from social media and coronavirus news. She told me that it wasn't at all about me and that she didn't want me to overthink it, that she really cares about me and I need to trust her. However the tone seemed different, like she was already not wanting to talk to me as much.

So she started this on Monday. She checked up on me and chatted for a few minutes on Monday evening, didn't message at all yesterday but then tonight sent me a message to say that she couldn't chat but hoped I was ok. I sent a message back but despite it saying that was active for a while it wasn't seen, and I sent another but it hasn't been delivered.

I'm super confused. It feels so bad not to be able to talk to her, I feel extremely depressed like I could curl up and die. I have just been sitting alone in my room waiting for her to talk again as she makes me so happy and I don't want to lose her as a friend.

Does it sound like I'm being ridiculous or is it a normal reaction? Is it weird that somebody can be very much into you and wanting to talk to you all the time, to then not speaking for 3 days and counting?
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Charlie101998
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First of all, and I'm certain you have heard this lecture before, but do not ever get attached to someone that you cant have physical interaction with. People on the internet, even through video, are widely different on the internet then they are in real life. Secondly, she needs some personal time. After spending eight hours with someone i would need to take a day or two break as well. It's nothing personal it just life. An analogy would be eating foods. If you eat the same thing day in and day out then you will want a change to. Now to answer your question, no. I do not think you're being ghosted. Its been three days. I was went nine months without talking to one of my friends cause life just got in the way. It happens. She explicitly stated that she wouldn't be able to talk. She was busy. Maybe she left her phone on, or her computer on and logged in and went to do something else. The best thing for you to do now is wait. She wants space give it to her. Go socialise with friends, work on a hobby. Give it a day or two then message her. Don't be overbearing though,
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlie101998)
First of all, and I'm certain you have heard this lecture before, but do not ever get attached to someone that you cant have physical interaction with. People on the internet, even through video, are widely different on the internet then they are in real life. Secondly, she needs some personal time. After spending eight hours with someone i would need to take a day or two break as well. It's nothing personal it just life. An analogy would be eating foods. If you eat the same thing day in and day out then you will want a change to. Now to answer your question, no. I do not think you're being ghosted. Its been three days. I was went nine months without talking to one of my friends cause life just got in the way. It happens. She explicitly stated that she wouldn't be able to talk. She was busy. Maybe she left her phone on, or her computer on and logged in and went to do something else. The best thing for you to do now is wait. She wants space give it to her. Go socialise with friends, work on a hobby. Give it a day or two then message her. Don't be overbearing though.
You're right about the attachment issue. It's only since last week that I've accepted that there is an attachment there. I was really trying to hold back my feelings until we met, and I've even said that to her... but it's just happened. It sounds super sad I know but the 7 weeks that I've known her I've been happier than I have for a while.

I know it's only been 2 days. Maybe it's because we have been talking literally every day from morning until night every chance we get, all of a sudden I feel empty, even more so when I'm just sitting alone with nothing to do. I try to imagine what she's thinking, whether she's had a change of heart about me during these few days. Maybe there's something wrong me.
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Charlie101998
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You're right about the attachment issue. It's only since last week that I've accepted that there is an attachment there. I was really trying to hold back my feelings until we met, and I've even said that to her... but it's just happened. It sounds super sad I know but the 7 weeks that I've known her I've been happier than I have for a while.

I know it's only been 2 days. Maybe it's because we have been talking literally every day from morning until night every chance we get, all of a sudden I feel empty, even more so when I'm just sitting alone with nothing to do. I try to imagine what she's thinking, whether she's had a change of heart about me during these few days. Maybe there's something wrong me.
That's the worst thing to do. Keep your mind occupied and don't keep thinking about her. I remember my first real boyfriend. We were both young and it was that stupid kind of love that burns intensely for a few months at most then dissipates, but during those two months we spent an inordinate amount of time together. Like close to what you're describing and when it did come to the end i felt like i lost a huge part of my identity. The only way i got past it was by forcing my self to interact with my friends, continue my hobbies and focus on studying and promising myself that there wouldnt be another boy, which was certainly a lie even at the time but it did help me feel better.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlie101998)
That's the worst thing to do. Keep your mind occupied and don't keep thinking about her. I remember my first real boyfriend. We were both young and it was that stupid kind of love that burns intensely for a few months at most then dissipates, but during those two months we spent an inordinate amount of time together. Like close to what you're describing and when it did come to the end i felt like i lost a huge part of my identity. The only way i got past it was by forcing my self to interact with my friends, continue my hobbies and focus on studying and promising myself that there wouldnt be another boy, which was certainly a lie even at the time but it did help me feel better.
It's really hard to keep occupied during this lockdown. I have lost all motivation to study and my room is like a prison now. Maybe this is similar to the love that you experienced. Did you feel at the time like nobody could ever make you feel the way he did, like he was one of a kind and just the greatest person you'd met?

I know it's me. I felt the same way as this with my ex. We were together for three years and when we were apart and not talking I would feel extremely lost... I would imagine the absolute worst scenarios as to why she wasn't available to talk to and would get extremely depressed. I know I have an unhealthy attachment style. I am very empathetic and I become so adoring of the other person that they become hugely important to me, I dream about growing old together and everything. It's pathetic. It's not even like I'm ugly and couldn't get another girlfriend...I'm reasonably attractive and confident. I'm just idealistic and want to find that one special person.

Thanks for responding to me, it's actually really helped a lot and I appreciate it. I still feel terrible and depressed but you've given me some optimism and helped me to realise I need to get myself together. Thankyou
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Charlie101998
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's really hard to keep occupied during this lockdown. I have lost all motivation to study and my room is like a prison now. Maybe this is similar to the love that you experienced. Did you feel at the time like nobody could ever make you feel the way he did, like he was one of a kind and just the greatest person you'd met?

I know it's me. I felt the same way as this with my ex. We were together for three years and when we were apart and not talking I would feel extremely lost... I would imagine the absolute worst scenarios as to why she wasn't available to talk to and would get extremely depressed. I know I have an unhealthy attachment style. I am very empathetic and I become so adoring of the other person that they become hugely important to me, I dream about growing old together and everything. It's pathetic. It's not even like I'm ugly and couldn't get another girlfriend...I'm reasonably attractive and confident. I'm just idealistic and want to find that one special person.

Thanks for responding to me, it's actually really helped a lot and I appreciate it. I still feel terrible and depressed but you've given me some optimism and helped me to realise I need to get myself together. Thankyou
Yes I did. He was amazing and i do still cherish the memories we shared together, but the three years late I met my current boyfriend. We're coming close to our three year anniversary and I'm truly the happiest I've ever been. I'm not old, nor wizened or exceptionally intelligent, but I have had a rather hard life in certain aspects and the one lesson I've learned, is that life goes on no matter what. You'll feel better, not tomorrow, nor the next day, nor the day after that, but you will.

As for your connection with your partner, you sound like you become almost addicted, obsessed. Whilst being adoring and loving is a good thing, being clingy, possessive and demanding all their time is the ultimate way to push someone you deeply care about away.
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HS_1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
For the past 2 months I've been getting to know a girl online after meeting on Reddit. There was an instant chemistry there and over the weeks it's developed so well, we chat all day and lay and facetime each other for hours on end, it's truly been lovely. However since the weekend it's been very...different.

Saturday night was probably the best night so far, we facetimed for 8 hours straight and were talking about how we couldn't wait to meet each other after the current pandemic is over, it was a really special night and we opened gifts of chocolate that we had sent each other.

Then on Sunday she didn't speak much, but told me that starting from Monday she was going to withdraw from the internet for a few days as she needed to cleanse her mind from social media and coronavirus news. She told me that it wasn't at all about me and that she didn't want me to overthink it, that she really cares about me and I need to trust her. However the tone seemed different, like she was already not wanting to talk to me as much.

So she started this on Monday. She checked up on me and chatted for a few minutes on Monday evening, didn't message at all yesterday but then tonight sent me a message to say that she couldn't chat but hoped I was ok. I sent a message back but despite it saying that was active for a while it wasn't seen, and I sent another but it hasn't been delivered.

I'm super confused. It feels so bad not to be able to talk to her, I feel extremely depressed like I could curl up and die. I have just been sitting alone in my room waiting for her to talk again as she makes me so happy and I don't want to lose her as a friend.

Does it sound like I'm being ridiculous or is it a normal reaction? Is it weird that somebody can be very much into you and wanting to talk to you all the time, to then not speaking for 3 days and counting?
this is so cuteee and no ure not being ridiculous - being ignored hurts especially when u start getting attached - rlly hope it works out for u two!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlie101998)
Yes I did. He was amazing and i do still cherish the memories we shared together, but the three years late I met my current boyfriend. We're coming close to our three year anniversary and I'm truly the happiest I've ever been. I'm not old, nor wizened or exceptionally intelligent, but I have had a rather hard life in certain aspects and the one lesson I've learned, is that life goes on no matter what. You'll feel better, not tomorrow, nor the next day, nor the day after that, but you will.

As for your connection with your partner, you sound like you become almost addicted, obsessed. Whilst being adoring and loving is a good thing, being clingy, possessive and demanding all their time is the ultimate way to push someone you deeply care about away.
It's strange how life works. I'm glad you're happy now and yet value the time you spent before...no matter what, that's somebody that you at one point shared life with so it's good that you don't just forget, as long as they did nothing awful to hurt you then that's the way it should be.

You're absolutely right, as soon as I cross that threshold in which I realise I've actually fallen for someone, I basically know I'm screwed...I can sense myself becoming infatuated by them and it's like there's nothing I can do to stop it, they take over my mind. I know it's deeply unattractive too, which is why I haven't conveyed this at all to this girl. In fact, I think she has seemed more clingy than me up until this point. Last week she was telling me that she was miserable as she couldn't speak to me one night when I was sleeping, and she's usually the first to message me in the morning.
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Charlie101998
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's strange how life works. I'm glad you're happy now and yet value the time you spent before...no matter what, that's somebody that you at one point shared life with so it's good that you don't just forget, as long as they did nothing awful to hurt you then that's the way it should be.

You're absolutely right, as soon as I cross that threshold in which I realise I've actually fallen for someone, I basically know I'm screwed...I can sense myself becoming infatuated by them and it's like there's nothing I can do to stop it, they take over my mind. I know it's deeply unattractive too, which is why I haven't conveyed this at all to this girl. In fact, I think she has seemed more clingy than me up until this point. Last week she was telling me that she was miserable as she couldn't speak to me one night when I was sleeping, and she's usually the first to message me in the morning.
As I said before, the only thing you can really do is wait and message her every now and then and just see what happens, but do be careful please. Not everything is as it seems
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HS_1)
this is so cuteee and no ure not being ridiculous - being ignored hurts especially when u start getting attached - rlly hope it works out for u two!
Yea it really is a horrible feeling. All I want to do is talk to her a little bit but I can't. 2 weeks ago I felt so happy, spending time with her was amazing...now I'm the most depressed I've been for many months. I can't even switch on my tv to watch anything, I feel so empty. It's so unhealthy I know, but it's just my reaction when I feel like somebody that I have invested a great deal of time and energy into, and had it reciprocated and developed a mutual bond, is now blanking me and I am becoming nothing much to them at all, all I can think of is that this is the build up to being dropped, even though she explicitly told me that it's not to do with me.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlie101998)
As I said before, the only thing you can really do is wait and message her every now and then and just see what happens, but do be careful please. Not everything is as it seems
I'n trying to wait, I really am. Idk, tbh we facetime a lot...we take our phones and facetime when we are out and about, I've met her folks on facetime, like...it feels like we are in the same room as each other. We have also covered so much about our lives that I think we have a decent understanding of each other. I'm probably going to be very hurt though, I know it...and I worry about how I'll react to it.
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Charlie101998
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'n trying to wait, I really am. Idk, tbh we facetime a lot...we take our phones and facetime when we are out and about, I've met her folks on facetime, like...it feels like we are in the same room as each other. We have also covered so much about our lives that I think we have a decent understanding of each other. I'm probably going to be very hurt though, I know it...and I worry about how I'll react to it.
May I ask, how far about are you two? Geographically speaking?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlie101998)
May I ask, how far about are you two? Geographically speaking?
Errr, quite far. She is the USA, midwest...and I'm in England. But we have made plans and worked out the logistics of one of us travelling to meet each other when the restrictions are lifted some day.
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Charlie101998
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Errr, quite far. She is the USA, midwest...and I'm in England. But we have made plans and worked out the logistics of one of us travelling to meet each other when the restrictions are lifted some day.
Thats quite some distance. Different continents, different time zones. How old are you both?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlie101998)
Thats quite some distance. Different continents, different time zones. How old are you both?
I'm 26, she's 23... yea I'm pretty ancient 😕
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Charlie101998
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 26, she's 23... yea I'm pretty ancient 😕
At least is feasible in some sense. Personally, I think it would be best to attempt to move on as I belieber long distance relationships are destined to fail, but that is just my personal opinion. I do not think you're being ghosted and if you believe it could work then try your best to make it work.
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HS_1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yea it really is a horrible feeling. All I want to do is talk to her a little bit but I can't. 2 weeks ago I felt so happy, spending time with her was amazing...now I'm the most depressed I've been for many months. I can't even switch on my tv to watch anything, I feel so empty. It's so unhealthy I know, but it's just my reaction when I feel like somebody that I have invested a great deal of time and energy into, and had it reciprocated and developed a mutual bond, is now blanking me and I am becoming nothing much to them at all, all I can think of is that this is the build up to being dropped, even though she explicitly told me that it's not to do with me.
im sure she still likes u - i'd suggest u give her some time - if she texts back just talk to her about the way u feel and see wht she says
try not to worry too much if she's said it's got nothing to do with u then it probably hasn't - give it some time
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HS_1)
im sure she still likes u - i'd suggest u give her some time - if she texts back just talk to her about the way u feel and see wht she says
try not to worry too much if she's said it's got nothing to do with u then it probably hasn't - give it some time
When she said about it, I directly asked her whether it was to do with me, and that if it was then she should just tell me and that I would be upset but would understand as I want her to be happy...but she said it wasn't about me and when I asked if she still regards me the same way she said "yes!". She said it would be a few days and today was the third day so if she isn't talking again by tomorrow night then I'll prepare myself for bad news. Waiting is just so tough when there is nothing else to do.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Charlie101998)
At least is feasible in some sense. Personally, I think it would be best to attempt to move on as I belieber long distance relationships are destined to fail, but that is just my personal opinion. I do not think you're being ghosted and if you believe it could work then try your best to make it work.
Also, I recorded a song I wrote for her but haven't shown it to her yet. Would this seem really lame and overbearing or do you think it's a good idea?
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Charlie101998
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Also, I recorded a song I wrote for her but haven't shown it to her yet. Would this seem really lame and overbearing or do you think it's a good idea?
Honestly, that's a really romantic gesture and would make me swoon if my boyfriend was to ever do that for me, but, right now she seems kind of overwhelmed. I would wait until you're both on more stable ground.
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