Does my response sound rude?
Basically I talk to this guy (27M) online and have so for a few months now. We became good friends but I got the feeling he didnt want to talk anymore because of late replies, and he stopped messaging first and only relying on me so I asked him about it and this was his response.
"Yeah I'm not really good about that. Even with all this buzz about the virus, everyone is calling me to check in. I've not made time to call anyone. But yeah, I know it's been a long time. I still am happy to hear from you"*
During this time it was his work hours, he knows I try not to message him during that time so I responded with"Ok fair enough. You must be at work ... well nowadays you can't be too sure but I'll go ahead and make that assumption, and say bye for now."*
He didnt respond back. So it got me wondering if I sounded rude.*
"Yeah I'm not really good about that. Even with all this buzz about the virus, everyone is calling me to check in. I've not made time to call anyone. But yeah, I know it's been a long time. I still am happy to hear from you"*
During this time it was his work hours, he knows I try not to message him during that time so I responded with"Ok fair enough. You must be at work ... well nowadays you can't be too sure but I'll go ahead and make that assumption, and say bye for now."*
He didnt respond back. So it got me wondering if I sounded rude.*
If a person doesnt see that you are trying to engage with them in a conversation, even after being so direct about it (yes it wasnt rude it was direct) that person dont deserve you, dont wait for a reply, and even if he replies do keep It at a friendship level coz he certainly dont deserve someone who cares coz it looks like he dont do ****
Your 'assumption' would come across as a subconscious desire of you wanting to push him away and this is easily recognised by humans.
You weren't particularly nice in your message but not too rude either. He said he was happy to hear from you and you said bye for now. You were too cold and 'fair enough' did not help either especially it was said in that way 'Ok fair enough.'
Why did you have to make the assumption anyway. You could've just asked. Making the assumption makes it seem like you definitely wanted him to be at work or walking on egg shells around him instead of you being open and dynamic.
IMO
You weren't particularly nice in your message but not too rude either. He said he was happy to hear from you and you said bye for now. You were too cold and 'fair enough' did not help either especially it was said in that way 'Ok fair enough.'
Why did you have to make the assumption anyway. You could've just asked. Making the assumption makes it seem like you definitely wanted him to be at work or walking on egg shells around him instead of you being open and dynamic.
IMO
Original post by Anonymous nro
If a person doesnt see that you are trying to engage with them in a conversation, even after being so direct about it (yes it wasnt rude it was direct) that person dont deserve you, dont wait for a reply, and even if he replies do keep It at a friendship level coz he certainly dont deserve someone who cares coz it looks like he dont do ****
This is too egotistical and aggressive. The guy's tone in the message was particularly welcoming and paves the way for a conversation.
Original post by Anonymous
Your 'assumption' would come across as a subconscious desire of you wanting to push him away and this is easily recognised by humans.
You weren't particularly nice in your message but not too rude either. He said he was happy to hear from you and you said bye for now. You were too cold and 'fair enough' did not help either especially it was said in that way 'Ok fair enough.'
Why did you have to make the assumption anyway. You could've just asked. Making the assumption makes it seem like you definitely wanted him to be at work or walking on egg shells around him instead of you being open and dynamic.
IMO
You weren't particularly nice in your message but not too rude either. He said he was happy to hear from you and you said bye for now. You were too cold and 'fair enough' did not help either especially it was said in that way 'Ok fair enough.'
Why did you have to make the assumption anyway. You could've just asked. Making the assumption makes it seem like you definitely wanted him to be at work or walking on egg shells around him instead of you being open and dynamic.
IMO
I dont know. Honestly confronting him about all of this was quite uncomfortable for me but it had to be done because I needed to know if he didnt want to talk. I recognise it wasn't the best response, and I didnt want to come across too pushy or clingy so I did want to stop the conversation since we never really message each other at that time of day but he responded at that time.
Original post by Anonymous
This is too egotistical and aggressive. The guy's tone in the message was particularly welcoming and paves the way for a conversation.
how did it come across as aggressive?
Original post by Anonymous
This is too egotistical and aggressive. The guy's tone in the message was particularly welcoming and paves the way for a conversation.
or even egotistical for that matter? I understand how it could have sounded cold which I didnt realise until later when I read it back after he never responded to it. Normally he would always say bye or something so I checked back my response to realise it could come across that way
Original post by Anonymous
or even egotistical for that matter? I understand how it could have sounded cold which I didnt realise until later when I read it back after he never responded to it. Normally he would always say bye or something so I checked back my response to realise it could come across that way
I mean the comment of @Anonymous nro is very aggressive with things like 'he doesn't deserve you' and 'he certainly dont deserve someone who cares coz it looks like he dont do ****' ... that comment was too extreme.
I'm not talking about you. You were actually not aggressive nor egotistical but too cold as you said.
Original post by Anonymous
I dont know. Honestly confronting him about all of this was quite uncomfortable for me but it had to be done because I needed to know if he didnt want to talk. I recognise it wasn't the best response, and I didnt want to come across too pushy or clingy so I did want to stop the conversation since we never really message each other at that time of day but he responded at that time.
Yeah but your attempt to not come across as too clingy had an adverse reaction and now you're not too clingy but too detached. Somewhere in the middle would've been nice. Anyway, we all make these mistakes... Been there, done that.
It's just now I feel like I have the privilege of an objective outsider position and this is my take on it.
Original post by Anonymous
Yeah but your attempt to not come across as too clingy had an adverse reaction and now you're not too clingy but too detached. Somewhere in the middle would've been nice. Anyway, we all make these mistakes... Been there, done that.
It's just now I feel like I have the privilege of an objective outsider position and this is my take on it.
It's just now I feel like I have the privilege of an objective outsider position and this is my take on it.
Well I'm going to leave it to him to contact me from now. Cold or notdid make my feelings clear that I was unsure of his willingness to talk to me. So if he cared enough he would try and make the effort. If not... well i guess its farewell
It's very common for people to just stop talking online.
Think about all the people from school you said you'd "keep in touch with" but then stop messaging after a while.
My guess is he's a bit bored but doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to keep talking to you (but it can lead to this eventually).
Think about all the people from school you said you'd "keep in touch with" but then stop messaging after a while.
My guess is he's a bit bored but doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to keep talking to you (but it can lead to this eventually).
(edited 4 years ago)
Original post by angelike1
It's very common for people to just stop talking online.
Think about all the people from school you said you'd "keep in touch with" but then stop messaging after a while.
My guess is he's a bit bored but doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to keep talking to you (but it can lead to this eventually).
Think about all the people from school you said you'd "keep in touch with" but then stop messaging after a while.
My guess is he's a bit bored but doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't want to keep talking to you (but it can lead to this eventually).
Ironically I actually did keep in touch with all the people in school that I planned on keeping in touch with lol
but no I completely understand your point here.
ok guys quick update:
He messaged me yesterday asking if I'm doing ok. We spoke for about 4 and a half hours and when it was our usual time to stop talking he said "I guess I should let you go, it's around that time isnt it?" I explained my sleeping schedule is completely messed up now because of quarantine but I'll let him go because it's been hours.
and he said "Oh okay, yeah I do need to go. I probably would have stayed though, if you weren't so kind"
I didnt get that line si u asked if that's a compliment or sarcasm, he said
"It's a double compliment.
Lol, I literally just made up that term, so it's not like I studied double compliments or something.
I'm saying 1. I enjoy your company, because I am willing to jeopardize my sleep, and 2. You're kind enough to let me go.
Or just kind / thoughtful in general is what I meant"
I apologised for my last message sounding off, explaining how it wasnt meant to sound like that. it was just a rushed message and he said
"That doesnt bother me. It felt more genuine that way"
He messaged me yesterday asking if I'm doing ok. We spoke for about 4 and a half hours and when it was our usual time to stop talking he said "I guess I should let you go, it's around that time isnt it?" I explained my sleeping schedule is completely messed up now because of quarantine but I'll let him go because it's been hours.
and he said "Oh okay, yeah I do need to go. I probably would have stayed though, if you weren't so kind"
I didnt get that line si u asked if that's a compliment or sarcasm, he said
"It's a double compliment.
Lol, I literally just made up that term, so it's not like I studied double compliments or something.
I'm saying 1. I enjoy your company, because I am willing to jeopardize my sleep, and 2. You're kind enough to let me go.
Or just kind / thoughtful in general is what I meant"
I apologised for my last message sounding off, explaining how it wasnt meant to sound like that. it was just a rushed message and he said
"That doesnt bother me. It felt more genuine that way"
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