I'm being told a lot of different things by different people

So, this'll be a long one so sorry. I dated my ex for a year, but it was long distance which eventually got the better of us - we weren't really talking, no phone calls when we said there were going to be etc. So I ended it and met a new guy, who I really get on with and enjoy being with, my family likes him (they haven't met him but they think hes good for me) and the best thing is hes not long distance, so I have him around most of the time. My problem is that I miss my ex and the way he made me feel - I don't think I want to get back with him, but I know I'm not over him and won't be for a while. My current BF said that he didn't see any reason for us to break up as I was with him and not my ex, but he doesn't really understand because i'm his first relationship. Now a couple of days ago my ex texted me (after a period of completely no contact) asking whether I was safe in the current virus situation. We've been talking since then completely normally mostly like friends would, but occasionally it's ended up being flirting which I should stop really but didn't. I suppose what I'm asking is two things: 1) do I go ahead and break up with my BF REGARDLESS of my ex because I've been (and am being) unfair and 2) what should I do about my ex? (also sorry i'm doing this online and don't know how to get paragraphs)

Reply 1

Surnia

20

You and your ex broke up because you were long distance. If you still are, and particularly because of the lockdown, the reason for the break-up is still there, so nothing has changed between you. What's the guarantee that the phones calls won't dry up again?

As for your current boyfriend, how would you feel if he was flirting with an ex? You are emotionally cheating on him. Either cut off your ex completely to concentrate on your bf or break up with your bf to give him a chance with someone who really appreciates him. And don't get involved with anyone else until you can resolve your feelings and commit fully to a relationship.

Reply 2

Dunnig Kruger

16

To get paragraphs hit the enter button (twice for spaced paragraphs) at the end of the old paragraph.

How did your ex make you feel better than your current boyfriend? As in what did he do differently to your current one?

Is there any realistic chance, once Coronavirus restrictions are over that either you or your ex would move so that the 2 of you could live together? If there isn't, on no account should you get back together with your ex. As there is no future in it. Having the right "who" is no good if the "where" isn't good enough.

Whether you should stay with your current boyfriend all depends on what he's not doing to make you feel the way you want to feel. And whether this can be fixed or whether there's a work around. The fix might be something that he can do, or something you can do or a combination of things that you both can do.
If a fix or a work-around doesn't happen, you should move on to boyfriend number 3. Someone who lives close enough and will make you feel how you want to feel.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Dunnig Kruger

To get paragraphs hit the enter button (twice for spaced paragraphs) at the end of the old paragraph.

How did your ex make you feel better than your current boyfriend? As in what did he do differently to your current one?

Is there any realistic chance, once Coronavirus restrictions are over that either you or your ex would move so that the 2 of you could live together? If there isn't, on no account should you get back together with your ex. As there is no future in it. Having the right "who" is no good if the "where" isn't good enough.

Whether you should stay with your current boyfriend all depends on what he's not doing to make you feel the way you want to feel. And whether this can be fixed or whether there's a work around. The fix might be something that he can do, or something you can do or a combination of things that you both can do.
If a fix or a work-around doesn't happen, you should move on to boyfriend number 3. Someone who lives close enough and will make you feel how you want to feel.

Thanks for the paragraph help

And I don't really know honestly - its nothing that either of them have done, its more of a feeling I get when I'm speaking to my ex that I don't get with my BF. I suppose the closest way to describe it would be like my current BF is like my best mate, whereas my ex is like a crush because I still get that giddy feeling - the problem is that feeling isn't good long term. If we're talking about what they've actually done for me, my current BF has done more for me than my ex ever did and I feel really safe and stable with him

I wouldn't be able to be with my ex anyway, as we're both at uni and they're quite a long way from each other, which is another reason why its nice having my current BF because he also goes to my uni

I don't think its something either of us can do in a way, I think its just a different type of relationship. I love my bf and there is physical and emotional chemistry, I'm just having to accept that its not as intense and passionate as what it was with my ex, and its a bit of a jump