Paper 1- Question 5 English Langauge

hey everyone! I'm currently getting 28 out of 40, and I would really like to improve this to 30 at least! I'm doing english combined at a level so any tips would be appreciated! Thanks!
A powdery, white, haven.
That’s when this girl knew she wasn’t home. A room full of perfection – well at least in a child’s world. She first sat by the blazing fire, but then she got bored. Why sit by a fire all day when there’s toys to play with?A snowflake gently landed on the girl’s shoulder as she realised... this was the best day of her life. She ran around the room in circles, wondering where on earth she was. She picked up the toys on the fluffy white carpet (which felt like silk) and cuddled them close. The room was a vast array of colours. From light pink to hazelnut brown, this room had it all. This was too good to be a dream...right?

From dusk till dawn this girl ran around...but then she realised something. Where was her family? She checked the glass windows, which were as clear as ice. She thought maybe they were playing a game – she always liked playing she thought. The girl bounded like a wolf throughout this mystical enchanted house. Then she saw more children flood in, like a classroom full of children at the first bell. Suddenly this younger boy looked up at me, smiled and handed me this mirror. Rather childlike she thought. It certainly didn’t belong to a house as wonderful as this. But then she saw the mirror in a different light. It had a power of mystique and awe filled the girl as she looked more closely.

I saw the mirror again. But it was different this time. She had grown taller, and there was the boy who handed her the mirror next to her. Behind them there was a Christmas tree, shining in the starlight. Starstruck she peered closer at the decorations. And for sure there was a snowglobe on the new shelf next to the tree. She wondered. Wasn’t it the exact same one from home? As she kept thinking about home, the mirror changed. But it looked more familiar this time. She was almost certain she could remember this. She was sitting on the white satin floor, and she was wearing her favourite nightdress. And the same snowglobe from the previous setting was there. The girl delicately held the snowglobe, like it was her most prized possession- And to her, at the time, maybe it was. The snow was covered across the mountains and the forest. It was beautiful.

When she opened her eyes again, she realised the sun was up. And it remembered something – it was Christmas! As she thumped down the stairs and saw her usual hot milk waiting for her by the fire. She knew that this Christmas she was going to be a new person. And she looked up to see that a snowflake gently landed on her shoulder. And she realised... she had the best family ever.

Reply 1

Porkypig800

Really good piece! I’m no professional, but to improve? You switch between narrative perspectives a few times so double check that! But also I thought the start was much better than the end; maybe you could add some foreshadowing at the start to illude to the narrative ending!

Paper 1- Question 5 English Langauge

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you