Friends?College? I need help...

I'm not quite sure about where to begin so I guess I'll just start here...I going to start college this year but I'm nervous about making friends. You see when I started secondary school I was excited about meeting new people, all of my other primary school friends were going to different schools, and I thought "Yeah I can do this! I'll make lots of friends!" I don't remember much of the first 2 years, I try but nothing comes to mind, now all I can think is...What happened? I'm not quite sure when but my parents caught on to the fact that I was having difficulties making friends, at first they assured me that things were going to work out and to take baby steps but I wasn't confident enough and as the years went by it just got harder and harder. I vividly remember a time(I think in year 9)when my parents were still together, I had to send an email to a classmate about a project we where working on and...I just couldn't. The thought of sending the email was terrifying. I'm not quite sure why though I don't recall ever having that feeling before. It got to a point that my mum had to write the email herself and I remember balling my eyes out as I tried to stop her. I don't remember what happened after...but now that I look back on it I'm like "It was just an email!" I did make a few friends but we rarely saw each other and when we did it was usually just a quick chat. My other classmates were very friendly and so I was able to talk and bond(you might say) with them, but sometimes it felt as though they had their own little bubble and I was always on the outside. I had many experiences where we were asked to go into groups or pairs and I had to be almost always put with someone, and I know that isn't entirely significant but seeing others already knowing who they wanted to be with and me just standing, waiting for someone to wave me over or to be put in a group just made me feel...lonely. It wasn't always like this though when I did pluck up my confidence and put effort into talking and engaging with others it was the best feeling ever. I was so happy and I want to be able to feel that happiness with friends that I will hopefully make in college. That brings me back to the very start of this long paragraph, yes sorry for the rant. There is a lot more to it then what's just in this paragraph but what I really want right now is to just be able to be myself, but I'm scared and I don't know what to do. Since we're in self-isolation now I'm quite lonely, I don't really have anyone to talk to expect for my parents and that's just making me even more nervous. If you have any tips about college it would be nice to hear them. Also, if you're having the same difficulties or problems feel free to chat with me I'm almost always free :smile:

Reply 1

hilary08

13

Oml I completely understand you. Trust me whether you have friends or not you can always be in the same situation. (Im not saying any of this is a cocky way or anything) but I’ve always been the girl who’s friends with loads of people like talks to anyone that walks past because we have an inside joke or something but even then I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I’d never get picked for anything in groups/pairs situations because even though I was friends with everyone, everyone else was closer to each other. This happens all the time. I’m no therapist or anything but is there a possibility of you having social anxiety? If not it might be a bit easier (not that much but still easier) to make new friends. I would say the best thing to do is when you go to your new college remember that everyone will want to welcome you because you’re new! It’s a fresh start it’s much easier than trying to formulate friendships in a place you already been that’s probably why it’s hard now. Immerse yourself. In a not very clingy way, spend time with the people who will be in the same lessons as you because you can use the excuse that you don’t know where you’re going (lol) etc and join clubs so you can meet like minded people. Trust me at sixth form/college it’s so much easier because you meet more like minded people. At GCSE it’s harder because people are more focussed generally on their popularity than much else. And with A levels you’re not doing as many subjects and so friendships tend to drift apart because people don’t see each other much anymore. That’s a good opportunity for you to make friends because the already established friendships will not be as dynamic anymore. Honestly keep as calm as possible and remember the situations where you’ve been happy in the past with spending time with other people as you’ve mentioned as this can be a good motivation. Good luck!! I have faith in you :smile:

Reply 2

Thepeculiarone

OP

2

Original post by hilary08

Oml I completely understand you. Trust me whether you have friends or not you can always be in the same situation. (Im not saying any of this is a cocky way or anything) but I’ve always been the girl who’s friends with loads of people like talks to anyone that walks past because we have an inside joke or something but even then I feel like the loneliest person in the world. I’d never get picked for anything in groups/pairs situations because even though I was friends with everyone, everyone else was closer to each other. This happens all the time. I’m no therapist or anything but is there a possibility of you having social anxiety? If not it might be a bit easier (not that much but still easier) to make new friends. I would say the best thing to do is when you go to your new college remember that everyone will want to welcome you because you’re new! It’s a fresh start it’s much easier than trying to formulate friendships in a place you already been that’s probably why it’s hard now. Immerse yourself. In a not very clingy way, spend time with the people who will be in the same lessons as you because you can use the excuse that you don’t know where you’re going (lol) etc and join clubs so you can meet like minded people. Trust me at sixth form/college it’s so much easier because you meet more like minded people. At GCSE it’s harder because people are more focussed generally on their popularity than much else. And with A levels you’re not doing as many subjects and so friendships tend to drift apart because people don’t see each other much anymore. That’s a good opportunity for you to make friends because the already established friendships will not be as dynamic anymore. Honestly keep as calm as possible and remember the situations where you’ve been happy in the past with spending time with other people as you’ve mentioned as this can be a good motivation. Good luck!! I have faith in you :smile:

Thank you so much for your kind words. I do think it will be easier in college and to be honest, I am pretty excited about it. :smile:

I think before I felt sort of stuck with the labels or impressions of being a quiet and shy person but now, as you said, I going to have a fresh start which will make it easier to talk and make conversations. Thank you for having faith in me!

Reply 3

hilary08

13

Original post by Thepeculiarone

Thank you so much for your kind words. I do think it will be easier in college and to be honest, I am pretty excited about it. :smile:

I think before I felt sort of stuck with the labels or impressions of being a quiet and shy person but now, as you said, I going to have a fresh start which will make it easier to talk and make conversations. Thank you for having faith in me!

Oml exactly! I love the positivity and no problem :smile:

xx

Friends?College? I need help...

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