Would you tell boyfriend your infertile?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
I'm 18 and infertile. Have never been in a relationship and I'm scared I will never be in one either. Nowadays the first questions people ask when dating is how many children do you want? I don't want to deceive anyone but I feel as though if I told any boy that early on they wouldn't want to get to know me and be in a relationship with me. Would u hide it?
0
reply
username5027880
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
Yes I would, would not want to go into a relationship, misleading or keeping secrets.
Not the best way to start a relationship.
3
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#3
Report 1 year ago
#3
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 18 and infertile. Have never been in a relationship and I'm scared I will never be in one either. Nowadays the first questions people ask when dating is how many children do you want? I don't want to deceive anyone but I feel as though if I told any boy that early on they wouldn't want to get to know me and be in a relationship with me. Would u hide it?
No don't do that to yourself! Firstly, people are so much more than just fertility, right? Secondly, people in love can be in loving relationships and not even realise that they are infertile or will have real difficulties having kids. Read the stories, there are so many of them!
Thirdly, some people don't actually want kids, believe it or not!
Fourthly, why do you want a relationship with someone who can't accept the fact that you will not have children?
Fifthly, you can actually adopt children with your when you get older. The person who truly loves you when yiu get older and are in a relationship will not have a problem with adoption.
Sixthly, your future partner may already have kids from a previous relationship!
So don't worry!
Be yourself! That's the best way!
0
reply
15mcqueenh
Badges: 10
Rep:
?
#4
Report 1 year ago
#4
yes definitely
0
reply
Hippokrates
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 year ago
#5
You’re 18 you’re not going to meet the guy yo marry for ages. Boys you meet now will be immature and may react unkindly. Unless you’re planning kids with a man there’s no need to tell him.
1
reply
sinfonietta
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 year ago
#6
Of course you should tell them. How early is up to you. But if I were you I would be upfront just because not being able to have their own children is a deal-breaker for some people. It's better for you both of you to know from the start if there is no chance of it working rather than getting emotionally attached first.

Plenty of men do not want children. I've dated more people who don't want children than those who do - and that has ended a couple of my relationships (one three years in!).
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#7
(Original post by mgi)
No don't do that to yourself! Firstly, people are so much more than just fertility, right? Secondly, people in love can be in loving relationships and not even realise that they are infertile or will have real difficulties having kids. Read the stories, there are so many of them!
Thirdly, some people don't actually want kids, believe it or not!
Fourthly, why do you want a relationship with someone who can't accept the fact that you will not have children?
Fifthly, you can actually adopt children with your when you get older. The person who truly loves you when yiu get older and are in a relationship will not have a problem with adoption.
Sixthly, your future partner may already have kids from a previous relationship!
So don't worry!
Be yourself! That's the best way!
Most people I know want kids. In a committed relationship people may make sacrificed but you wouldn't want to get to know someone if you knew they were infertile. I think people would think that of me anyways.
0
reply
username402722
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 year ago
#8
Are you 100% sure?
0
reply
Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#9
(Original post by Hippokrates)
You’re 18 you’re not going to meet the guy yo marry for ages. Boys you meet now will be immature and may react unkindly. Unless you’re planning kids with a man there’s no need to tell him.
True. Just scared I won't find anyone.
0
reply
OctoberRain7
Badges: 15
#10
Report 1 year ago
#10
If you're seriously dating him and it would be a natural time to confide in him, go for it. If you can't even see yourself getting to a point where it would matter anyway or you haven't been dating for that long, there's no real need to tell him (because of your age I'm guessing that it's not really going to matter for a while)
0
reply
mgi
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 year ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Most people I know want kids. In a committed relationship people may make sacrificed but you wouldn't want to get to know someone if you knew they were infertile. I think people would think that of me anyways.
This is a false statement anyway, but it is your life ,and , tbh, it is up to you whether embrace negativity or positivity in your life. You dont actually know what people will think in the future. This is about your self belief or lack of it really. Did you eve read or comment on my previous post? there are so many variables in life and it sounds like you have, at age 18, given up already ir know the future!
0
reply
Greywolf.
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#12
Report 1 year ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 18 and infertile. Have never been in a relationship and I'm scared I will never be in one either. Nowadays the first questions people ask when dating is how many children do you want? I don't want to deceive anyone but I feel as though if I told any boy that early on they wouldn't want to get to know me and be in a relationship with me. Would u hide it?
If I met a girl, who I liked and found out was infertile I wouldn’t end it just because of that. I’d definitely try to make things work
0
reply
Drewski
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 year ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 18 and infertile. Have never been in a relationship and I'm scared I will never be in one either. Nowadays the first questions people ask when dating is how many children do you want? I don't want to deceive anyone but I feel as though if I told any boy that early on they wouldn't want to get to know me and be in a relationship with me. Would u hide it?
It's incredibly unlikely that a relationship you get into at 18 is going to last nite than a couple of years, kids and marriage won't be on the agenda, so no, I don't think it's a big deal that needs talking about at all.
0
reply
karelina
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 year ago
#14
Are you interested in adoption? You could mention that and talk about how there are already so many kids without parents in the world you're not that bothered with the idea of having your own. And then later on explain there are other reasons as well...
0
reply
bones-mccoy
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#15
Report 1 year ago
#15
It's not exactly first date material but when the time feels right, by all means tell the other person
0
reply
MrMusician95
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 year ago
#16
Definitely tell them. I say this because it's better to get these things out in the open, instead of falling in love then realising you are not compatible. Like my girlfriend knew from very early on that I do not want any biological children. I want to adopt.
0
reply
cherryred90s
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#17
Report 1 year ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 18 and infertile. Have never been in a relationship and I'm scared I will never be in one either. Nowadays the first questions people ask when dating is how many children do you want? I don't want to deceive anyone but I feel as though if I told any boy that early on they wouldn't want to get to know me and be in a relationship with me. Would u hide it?
If you see a future with the boyfriend then yeah you should definitely mention it. If it’s just a bit of a fling or you don’t see yourself settling with him then I don’t think it’s that important to mention
0
reply
Leviathan1611
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#18
Report 1 year ago
#18
yes, early on in the relationship as well (within the first year of dating), not sure how you'd tell them though.
0
reply
claireestelle
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 year ago
#19
I got into a relationship with my husband at 18 and I'm now pregnant 6 years on so although it's rare to happen you could meet someone serious that young.
I do think you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment if you spend months together and never mention it then that end up causing a break-up. Some people are quite open to adoption/ fostering so I wouldn't assume that it will stop you from finding somebody if you tell them.
0
reply
Appirition
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#20
Report 1 year ago
#20
(Original post by Anonymous)
Most people I know want kids. In a committed relationship people may make sacrificed but you wouldn't want to get to know someone if you knew they were infertile. I think people would think that of me anyways.
That is a huge generalisation, and certainly not true of all guys. As others have said, some guys are open to adoption or fostering if they do want children, but some guys simply don't want children.
Also, have you considered slightly older guys who have had children, perhaps relatively young, and are no longer with the mother of their child/children?
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

How are you feeling about starting university this autumn?

Really excited (64)
22.7%
Excited but a bit nervous (127)
45.04%
Not bothered either way (36)
12.77%
I'm really nervous (55)
19.5%

Watched Threads

View All